(Closed) The single newlywed

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Do you ever ask him to help out? Why is he getting all these meals in bed anyway esp since you have 2 small children running around? He should pitch in, esp if he doesn’t want a frustrated wife! Is he depressed? Maybe he should see a professional?

Post # 5
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You’re treated how you allow yourself to be treated.  If you don’t want to be treated like a doormat, stop acting like one.  No one is forcing you to serve him his meals in bed, that’s ridiculous.  Make him get up and get his damn meals himself.

I’m sorry to be harsh but people who ask for help while refusing to help themselves are my biggest pet peeve.  It’s like complaining about a headache while refusing to take an asprin.

Post # 6
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If he’s not working and home during the day, he should be taking care of the house/kids – bottom line. Unless you stop waiting on him hand and foot, I doubt he will change. Why are you serving him meals in bed? Sounds like its time to put your foot down, good luck!

Post # 7
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

why is he eating dinner in bed instead of with the family?  why are you waiting on him hand and foot?  does he work like 14 hour days or something?  does he travel extensively for work?

if you want to change the situation, you’ll have to change your actions.  i used to do ALL the cleaning around my house – everything.  Then i stopped doing the things i wanted help with.  i asked initally, and i started to feel like i was badgering him, so i stopped asking.  so i stopped asking and then i stopped doing.  now, hubs mops the floors, wipes off the tables, takes out the garbage, etc…  hell, he is even cooking once in a while.  i had to stop waiting on him to realize himself that he should be doing more around the house.  instead, i told him exactly what i w anted and stopped doing all the work myself.  life and our relationship has improved 100%. 

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

While @lezlers did put it a little harsh, she has a great point. I don’t think you should allow this anymore. I mean it’s one thing to be laid off and depressed for a couple of weeks, but your husband is a grown man with 2 small kids and a wife. He has major responsibilities. It sounds like you are allowing/encouraging this behavior by continuing to serve him and do all the work. You say you fight about it, what could he possibly say in his own defense? What he’s doing is so dispicable.

Post # 10
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You certainly aren’t being petty.  Try to reverse the situation.  If you had been laid off, would you expect him to do all the cooking and cleaning, take care of the children, and serve you meals in bed?  Of course not.  You’d never treat someone you love like that.  You’d be trying to take care of everything at home while he worked.

Something is obviously very wrong.  It does really sound like he may be very depressed.  I can’t imagine any other reason he would be acting that way.  It does need to be treated…and soon.  You cannot keep living the way you are.

  I know that’s a lot easier than it sounds.  Maybe you could say something like, “I can tell you haven’t been feeling well and seem very tired lately.  You deserve to feel better.  I think maybe (insert name of family doctor here) could help.  I’d be happy to go with you.” If that doesn’t work, perhaps you can enlist the help of his parents. 

Good luck to you.  I hope you keep us posted.

Post # 12
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Being submissive DOES NOT mean waiting on your man hand and foot (if I understand correctly you are talking about the scripture from the Bible in Ephesians where it says, “wives submit to your husbands”. If I am wrong ignore this post 🙂

I believe it means submitting to his spiritual leadership as a husband and trusting him to seek God’s heart and will on situations and then support him when he makes a decision.

If you have one foot in his shoe, trying to fill his role as a husband and father and one foot in your shoe, trying to fill your roll as mother and wife then those roles aren’t being fully met.

I hope that he gets help and that things get better. 

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