(Closed) The SIU Pact, Fact or Myth?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Does the Shut-it-up Pact work?
    Yes! It made him pop the big Q! (how do you know?) : (6 votes)
    38 %
    No, still silently waiting : (4 votes)
    25 %
    He proposed but didn't even notice the change : (0 votes)
    Not doing it, not going to! (why not?) : (3 votes)
    19 %
    I try but can't do it (why do you try?) : (3 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @subtlebee:  Here’s what I know:

    Fiance started saving up for a ring 6 months into our relationship.  We were ring shopping the first summer we were together. 

    Fiance had purchased a ring and was going to propose when we went to Vegas last October (by the Eiffle tower – when we first met, I made a comment that the most romantic proposal I could think of was a secret weekend getaway to Paris and then a proposal in front of the tower and he had said the same thing to my friend and thought she had told me, but turns out – we both just thought the same thing and she had never told it to me, so it would have been a very “us” proposal).  He decided our vacation was not going well and decided not to do it then. 

    He returned that ring and continued to save and bought me a bigger ring and proposed this past November.

    He specifically said that he waited until I stopped talking about the proposal before he proposed because (1) I knew it was coming and (2) he wanted it to be a surprise.  He refused to propose on at least 2-3 other occassions because I jokingly said, “Should I go get my nails done?” and he didn’t want me to know about the proposal.

    I didn’t do the SIU pact.  I just stopped talking about the proposal because I felt like I was being annoying.  And, I was.  I annoyed him by guessing the proposal every time it was going to happen.  The truth is – I had NO IDEA that he actually had money saved and I thought we were BOTH BROKE and that he wasn’t going to propose for several more months (until the Amora Gem came out) and I was TOTALLY ok with that.  I thought I was being annoying because he couldn’t give me what I wanted, even though I was really just kidding and totally okay with waiting longer.

    Moral of the story?  He proposed when he felt the time was right, but if I hadn’t stopped to talk about it, I probably wouldn’t have gotten a very romantic proposal or one at all. 

    I stopped talking about it for about 3 months before he finally proposed.  A week really isn’t anything – of course he doesn’t feel like you stopped talking about it, it’s only been a week!  Stop talking about it for a month and then he’ll finally realize it. 

    Sorry that was so long!  If you’re afraid that he’s never going to do it if you don’t bother him about it, it’s probably going to be the exact opposite – no man is going to do it if he’s pressured into it (and is that what you want, really?  him to propose because he wanted to stop you from nagging him????) and no man is going to do it before he’s ready to. 

    ETA:  We just celebrated our 3 year anniversary, we’re both 28 y/o and we just got engaged in Nov, right before our 3 year anni.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @subtlebee: 

    We started dating when we were both 25, so yes that’s fairly young.  However, I’m not sure age made a difference – I wouldn’t have been in a rush regardless because I don’t really care if we have a child out of wedlock and as long as we’re both on the same page with our relationship and committed to each other, being officially/legally married and having a wedding came 2nd in importance.  I realize that a lot of people don’t feel that way, though.  I was just confident that it was going to happen, so I didn’t care when. 

    Because of how confident I was that it was going to happen, that’s why I kept joking around about it – until I realized that it annoyed him (I just thought it annoyed him for a different reason than it actually did).  We both discussed that my center stone would be made out of an amora gem, so I “knew” it wasn’t happening until the amora gem was released for sale (it’s still in production, so I would have still been “waiting”). 

    And I, too, HATE surprises.  I hate them and I wish that I had known the proposal was coming so I could have been more “prepared” for it.  At one point, I told him it was fun to pretend that the proposal was coming soon, even though I knew there was no way it was coming (we have a joint bank account, so I knew exactly how much money was in there and it wasn’t much – what I didn’t know is that he was never putting his entire paycheck into our account and was sending it to his dad’s bank account to save for him – and that was an account that I didn’t check online very often, or else I probably would have realized something was awry, but it was mostly his money anyway, so I let him deal with that account).  He said it hurt him to know that I was expecting a proposal that he “couldn’t give me anytime soon” (trying to throw me off).  That’s when I stopped “guessing” when it was going to happen and stopped talking about it.  But, that was TOTALLY fun for me!  The anticipation of it, even though I figured it wasn’t actually coming since the amora gem wasn’t released yet, was really fun. 

    So, I’m with you on hating surprises – but I wouldn’t change my proposal for the world because he really and truly did surprise me and I loved it.  It was a very special proposal and it’s a story I can tell for ages.  Ultimately, he bought a diamond and that’s why we were never really waiting for the amora gem to come out. 

    As far as timelines go – at the end of 2011, he said, “2012 is going to be our year, the year we get engaged, the year we move to SC and move out on our own, etc..” And towards the end of 2012, I thought for sure he was going to push the proposal back to 2013 (mainly because of the amora gem) and I was ok with that idea (again, because I wasn’t afraid that he was going to be one of those guys who NEVER does it). 

    Our relationship has always been open and honest and we’ve always discussed our future and where we see ourselves.  If you’re concerned that he’s NEVER going to do it and that’s why you want a timeline, I would have ONE last conversation where you ask him where he sees the relationship heading and when he sees you two getting engaged and getting married – if you’re not on the same page, tell him what YOU expect and come to a compromise on the timeline (for ex, he says “I see us getting engaged within the next 3 years” and you’re thinking, oh hell no… say, “Well, I really don’t want to wait more than this year – I see us getting engaged before 2014, do you think that’s something we can agree upon?” and if he says yes – tell him that you’re not going to talk about it until 1/1/14, but that doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten about it or don’t want it anymore, just that you’re going to back off and let him do his thing – and then keep your word.  If he doesn’t do it by 1/1/14, then maybe you should reevaluate the relationship.  Of course – pick your own dates and your own timeline that you’re comfortable with, but make sure you give him enough time to get a ring and plan a proposal if that’s something you think he hasn’t even started doing, yet. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Well it’s definitely NOT fact – there’s probably about as much truth to it as there is to engagement chicken. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    866 posts
    Busy bee

    I am confident it helps to stop talking about it so much. If you (the original poster) have to try for even a week than you talk about it wayyy to much! I used to bug my boyfriend a lot (although by a lot I mean once a month or so) but then life got busy and exciting so i just kind of pushed it to the back of my mind and didn’t talk about it for a few months and then it happened. I asked him later and he said it helped that i stopped bugging him about it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @subtlebee:  He just proposed this past November and we’re planning our wedding to be a destination wedding for memorial day weekend of 2014.  Every time I look at the ring or think about the proposal, my heart flitters a little. 

    As for cliche proposals, yours won’t be if he does it on vday because that’s also your one year anniversary!  And I don’t care, I think cliche proposals are still super cute and sweet and romantic.  I wouldn’t have minded a cliche holiday proposal one bit!  Plus, you get to keep the ring if you break up LOL!

    I know for a fact that in my situation, if I didn’t stop talking about the proposal, it wouldn’t have happened when it did – he would have waited for me to stop talking about it and guessing it was coming.  If you go over to the proposals board, you’ll see how many bees say they’re no longer waiting and attribute it to the SIU pact.  I personally think it works. 

    And I agree w/ a PP – if you’re talking about it so often that taking a week off seems like a lot, you’re talking about it way too much.  Instead of talking to HIM about it, come to us and talk to US about it.  Go ahead and keep pinning wedding dresses and wedding ideas and all that – just don’t let him see you constantly doing it. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @subtlebee:  Definitely do what works for you.  I didn’t stop talking about because I thought it would come faster, that’s for sure.  I stopped talking about it because it was annoying him.. lol.  And I felt bad, thinking, “Aw, I’m making him feel bad for not being able to give me a proposal” – so if your SO isn’t complaining or annoyed and it’s in your personality and you don’t want it changed and you don’t think it will help/hurt, then maybe for you the SIU makes no difference.  Nothing is ever a 100% guarantee, that’s for sure – and nothing works for everyone!  There is no one right answer for everything, so do what works for you and good luck!

    Post # 14
    Member
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @subtlebee:  lol

    i just feel the decision to marry is a mutual one and you should be able to have open communication about it with your partner. Open communication does not equal whining and crying and asking repeatedly when it’s going to happen. If youre doing that then you definitely need to stop whether it will get you a proposal or not because its not being a good partner. The best relationship advice I ever got was to be good company – THAT is what makes a relationship work!

    The topic ‘The SIU Pact, Fact or Myth?’ is closed to new replies.

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