(Closed) The stigma of a house fund as a wedding gift

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Im not going to specify but i wont be registering for gifts or anything, these days guests ussually bring checks, so theyll know to know bring a check

Post # 3
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think people just think of it as telling guests how they should spend their money.

 

I don’t think I would care, if a couple asked for a house fund contribution, I would give what I could. 

Post # 4
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I personally don’t see anything wrong with it, as long as it’s in lieu of gifts! A gift is a gift. I don’t care what it is. But I think it is only tacky if you expect gifts AND contributions to a honeymoon fund or house fund, which is obviously not what you are doing! Go for it.

Post # 5
Member
5867 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
girlgt:  I wouldn’t do it because I think it’s a little gauche and I would be concerned about what people think.

I think that there is a perfectly suitable way to indicate you’d prefer cash as a gift – just don’t register.  I think that most people will get it and no one will be put off.

If a couple did this though, I wouldn’t get my panties in a bunch over it.  I’d give a check, as I always do, and I wouldn’t give it another thought.

Post # 6
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
girlgt:  I think I would actually give more if it was truly going to a home fund. Or I, personally, would give $$ and a new set of oversized, fluffy towels as well.. sort of a wedding + housewarming gift.

Post # 7
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I find it tacky to specifically request cash whether you call it a house donation fund or a honeymoon fund or whatever.  I will go ahead and contribute to those things or bring cash sometimes regardless of thinking its tacky.  I come from an area where cash gifts aren’t really the norm so I think that makes a difference.  I will be truly surprised if we are gifted very much cash at our wedding.  We have a moderate sized registry and about half of the gifts have already been purchased, a lot of them for my bridal shower.  I will actually be surprised if the people who brought gifts to the bridal shower gift much more for the actual wedding.  I think it really depends on where you live and your social circles.  My brother recently got married and told me about his gifts but I already knew not to expect people to be giving me large cash gifts. 

Post # 8
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think it’s presumptuous to epress your desire for gifts at all – specifically asking for cash just ups that presumptuousness in my book. Don’t register for anything, guests will give you cash/check, and it will all be moot. 

Post # 9
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

People don’t like it for a hundred reasons: asking for cash is bad, telling people how to spend their money is bad, it makes you look like all you care about is the gifts, etc. I don’t get it; to me it’s no different than putting together a Christmas list.  You want a massage on your honeymoon? Ok, if that’s on your wishlist, I know you’ll enjoy it, here you go. You want to let me know that if I decide to give you a check, it’ll go towards your house? Awesome, I hope my little contribution helps. I think the gift more about the receiver than the giver, and I as the giver appreciate being told that if I get you X, you’ll really appreciate and enjoy it.

Post # 10
Member
9231 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
girlgt:  Asking for cash is tacky – if you don’t set up a physical registry people will know you prefer a check (and most people give checks anyways). 

Post # 11
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

A registry is just a list of items that you yourself would probably purchase for your new home/life as a married couple – if guests ask or look for it, they get an idea of your tastes if they want to buy you a gift. 

A house fund is pretty obvious – everyone knows that cash is appreciated, they don’t need to be told that. Asking for cash is tacky. Your guests don’t owe you anything, and you shouldn’t presume that they are going to get you a present. 

Post # 12
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

People don’t like it because any “house registry” service that you use will take a cut of the gifts. Everyone knows that cash is the best gift. Just spread the word that you are saving for a house and don’t register. You will receive cash gifts. There are always a few people that refuse to gift cash. They would gift you a physical item regardless of if you had a house registry or not, so you are bound to get some physical gifts either way.

Post # 13
Member
9878 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Everyone knows you want money. It’s not a secret.

Post # 14
Member
13951 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I almost always give money at weddings — the only time I don’t is when I am specifically asked for it.   Don’t register for cash (honeyfund), don’t tell me where I should spend my money. 

If you have a small or no registry, I get the hint that you want money.  When you have a honeyfund, you are sure to get a gift certificate to a fancy restaurant and a very nice bottle of wine, or a fancy picture frame, or something alone those lines, from me.

Post # 15
Member
3287 posts
Sugar bee

*I feel* like if someone can’t/won’t/has not saved money for a house down payment then I do not want to give them a wod of cash. Take the money for the wedding for and use it for a house. 

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