Post # 1
Has anyone else noticed that some people are remarkably generous with the gift giving? We know certain of our guests are struggling financially and yet some of them gave us the most generous gifts of all. We even feel bad accepting it but my mom told me that no one gives something they don’t want to give and it would be insulting to tell them it’s too generous. On the other hand, there are some wealthy people who were invited to the wedding (some of whom came and some didn’t) who didn’t give us a gift at all! While it’s not about receiving gifts and we were happy to share our day with them (and we missed those that couldn’t come), I just find it very odd. I always give a gift, even when we can’t make someone’s wedding, and it’s the same level gift I would give if we were able to attend.
Anyone else find this sort of thing strange? Also, anyone else know what to do when you feel uncomfortable receiving a generous financial gift from someone you know is struggling?
Post # 3
Yeah def found some strangeness it it, but i wouldn’t feel bad about it. Maybe they aren’t struggling as much as you think.
Post # 4
I am a super poor grad student, but I would never show up to a wedding without a gift.
Post # 5
@cmbr: this. except “undergrad” not “grad” lol
I’d never go without giving a gift even though I’ll only give something around $50 because it’s all I can afford right now. I don’t give gifts if I don’t attend…I’ve declined due to the fact that I couldn’t afford a gift before. Maybe one day when I’m a little bit better off, I’ll send a gift regardless of my attendance.
Post # 6
i think it’s weird to come to a wedding and not give a gift/card. regardless, we had many people who came to our wedding that didn’t give anything.
Post # 7
i would always give a card at the very least.
My wedding will require many people to travel a long way and stay in hotels etc – I’m not expecting gifts from these people as them being here will cost them a lot but I do hope they bring a card!
Post # 8
I said it before, and I’ll say it again. To me, a card doesn’t mean anything. It’s something that someone else thought of. The person giving you the card doesn’t even feel those things or came up with anything that the card says. What’s the meaning?!
Why do we need more acknowledgement than people showing up? Do we really think that ALL the people who RSVP’d yes to our weddings are dying to be there? No. Chances are only a handful of guests REALLY want to see us get married , and for the other ones going is work. Doesn’t being there say that they’re happy for us? Everybody is busy, but people still take a day to come to our wedding, they still pick an appropiate outfit, many times spending money on it, they still have to drive to be there, even though many of them would prefer to stay in their house doing something else.
And we need MORE? I don’t understand.
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
“On the other hand, there are some wealthy people who were invited to the wedding (some of whom came and some didn’t) who didn’t give us a gift at all!”
Are you implying that if someone doesn’t come to the wedding, and are rich, you still expect a gift? Sending an invitation obligates them to give something? I disagree with that. If they came and gave nothing, that’s an eyebrow-raiser, but not if they didn’t.
Post # 10
@chippybee: I feel weird about receiving large gifts also. My SIL, however, didn’t even get us a card and I thought that was weird also. She came with her boyfriend, ate, drank, took full advantage of the festivities…. but not even a card from my husband’s own sister – weird.
Post # 11
@aggie2010: No I am not rich and I always give a gift and even as a struggling grad student, I always gave a card and a little something to acknowledge the occasion. I just found it strange that people I knew were just starting out or who had a business fail etc gave these extremely generous gifts and some people (my DH’s family members mostly) who have millions of dollars didn’t give anything. Personally, I think it is good manners to give a gift when invited to a wedding. I am not upset that people didn’t give, but just wondering if others had similar experiences to me.
Post # 12
yes we had the same experience. There’s never an excuse for not bringing at least a card though in my opinion.
Post # 13
I think it depends. I think a gift is TYPICALLY expected, but not always necessary. It is expected if you attend the wedding. The one case where I have not given a gift is when I had to travel to a different state for the wedding at a very difficult time for my academics, so my presence was my gift. Additionally, my parents attended that wedding so their gift was “from all of us.” My cousin and her parents were so happy I made a trip for the wedding that I do not think she minded one bit about the gift. I made sure to send her engagement card after she announced she was marrying.
Post # 14
@bebero: yeah – if you buy pre written cards. i buy art cards with blank insides and then write a personal message – no one has ever written you a personal message inside a card?!
Post # 15
@peonyinlove: yes, but I don’t need that to feel loved or appreciated.
Post # 16
I really was shocked at the guests that didn’t even bring an empty card. I was shocked about the guests that I paid for, because I had to track them down to get their rsvps and meal choice, and didn’t come AND didn’t send a gift, and gave zero apology. And I was shocked at the one guest that couldn’t make it, (was hubby’s groomsmen and his wife who offered to give us money for our programs to be reprinted, and his tux to be re ordered for another man since it was a last minute thing) and while we drove quite a distance and got them a very generous gift for their wedding 9 months ago, they sent a $9.99 gift from our registry. Made me laugh because he had told my husband that he felt so bad, so we should keep an eye out for a really nice gift. The $9.99 gift was one of the everyday set of glasses I had on our registry, and I had requested two, so I think I took that as a little hurtful. If it were me I would have certainly bought the two requested. People floor me sometimes. All I know is that apparently I have been giving very generous gifts at weddings, which will change in the future. Also one of my maids, who did a lot for me, but her husband was invited to everything (rehearsal dinner wedding etc) and brought not even a card…..and they are certainly NOT hurting. Yay, its not all about that, but it DOES make you feel a bit hurt when you spent money to include them in events that were not necessary, and spent to have their plus ones included in things that you wouldn’t normally include them, and then they can’t stop at the dollar store to get you a card and write a nice message… (I know I’m invited to one of the groomsmen’s child’s christening soon, and he didn’t bring a card, so I know I am off the hook for taking any kind of gift to his event. I will bring a card and that is all.)