(Closed) The stress is really getting to me, could use some advice

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

my advice is to go make yourself a cocktail!  unfortunately, you aren’t going to be able to grow the kind of relationship you are envisioning with your Future Mother-In-Law in a week, and the truth is, you may never have that kind of relationship with her.  that being said, you have it all out in the open now, and your Fiance is aware of how you feel, so those are steps in the right direction.  I would put those issues to the side for now and focus on what you need to get done for your wedding (which I’m sure will be wonderful when it comes!)

Post # 4
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Honee,  just relax.  I completely understand about the week before the wedding and it feels like your running around like a chicken w/ your head cutoff. 

The wedding details-  If you get the details done, you get them done.  I suggest you create a  list of the most important to the least.   That way if you don’t get to the bottom, you won’t be kicking yourself the day of.  But don’t do what I did and get only 4hrs of sleep the night before, barely ate, and nearly drove myself over a cliff.  By The Way, my gf did my wedding chart the day of.  Yes I only had 40 ppl but @ that point, I really didn’t give a DAMN.

Family members texting-  Ok, literally tell everyone that your busy and you know that whatever they wear will look appropiate.  “Just be there” is the motto @ this point.

FMIL-Don’t worry about the relationship right now.  I know its hard but you have the rest of your life to work on your relationship w/ her  My Mother-In-Law and I don’t have a wonderful bond but we’re both getting there.  I try to find the commonality and go from there.  I have several gf who are in a similar boat and they told me to chill w/ my expectations that we’ll be Besties. Develop a good relationship and don’t worry about it cause the most important relationship is btwn you and your Darling Husband.

Now Breathe.  Get some sleep and tomorrow’s another day.

Good Luck!!!!

Post # 5
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

First of all, ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))). You’re a week away from your wedding, so course you’re stressed. Let’s tackle this small to big okay?

1) Guests texting. They want to be “involved” and have the personal go-ahead from the bride. Sure it’s annoying. I totally get it, I got those texts too. Just keep saying, that’s really great! And then move along. Or don’t answer for an hour or two, THEN say “Sorry, I was caught up doing last minute details, that looks lovely! Whatever makes you feel best! Gotta get back to it, see you on the weekend, yay!” and send the I’m-too-busy-to-deal with you message home politely but firmly 😉

2) Random dude at work not invited to the wedding. He’ll get over it. You don’t need to justify it or explain it, he’ll get over it. If he outright says something to Fiance, then let him deal with it. Not your friend/coworker, not your problem.

3) Seating chart. That’s just annoying, but you’ll get it done.

4) Mother-In-Law. Well this is a biggie. I’m sure part of her behaviour is based on you “taking away” her son whether or not she wants to admit that’s how she’s feeling. Plus you sound like two very different people and that’s fine. Not every MIL/DIL are BFF. You’re allowed to not be the same, to hold different viewpoints, to have different ways of handling money and parenthood. Just like coworkers or friends. You need to be civil but you don’t have to be best friends. Maybe after the wedding when things have calmed down you can see if you can find some common ground with her that you two can bond over since you want a better relationship? Maybe just having a neutral playing ground will work for you two.

It’s really great that you and Fiance are talking about that stuff. You don’t want him to be in the middle, but he does need to know what’s going on and how you’re feeling. Maybe he could even give a few suggestions for how you could try to forge a better relationship with her. Just remember to let him deal with his relationship with her seperately from yours. Those are two different ballgames.

It’ll get better. I found things blew up a bit right before my wedding too, like somehow people thought that would be the appropriate time to air their dirty laundry and grievances. Uggghhhh. Just keep focused on the wedding and the honeymoon after when you don’t have to deal with everyone for a week! LOL!

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Wonderstruck: Prioritize that list. Literally. Number it. Now repeat after me: All I need for my wedding is me, Fiance, and our officiant. Everything else is frills. Lovely, but frills. I am literally the only one who will know if something is not done/missing.

Now have a glass of wine 😛

Post # 8
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Wonderstruck:  You’re getting married!!! That’s all that matters.  I would write everything that you have to do on a list and not look at it for one whole day.  Unless something has a deadline.  I know it’s close to your wedding but I bet you can take one day off and relax.

Post # 9
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hang in there dear. You have kept your cool this long. Just remember that the details are what is important to you, it is likely that no one else would miss them if they weren’t there. The details just add to the overall atmosphere that you are trying to achieve. 

Future Mother-In-Law might be trying to come to her own term with “losing her son” hence pushing both of you away since the engagement and being preoccupied with a grandbaby. 

I do know personally that it is difficult when you find the man that you love and their family is not everything you had hoped for out of in-laws. My ex’s family really did treat me like part of the family, this time around I really have to find my place.  My Future Mother-In-Law often says things that offend me. I try to look past them for the most part. She might not think I am the best for her son but I don’t take it personally because no woman would be good enough for him. Her and I recently went out for dinner just the two of us, a couple of years ago I wouldn’t have ever guessed that would be happening. You sound like you are pretty open minded and forgiving. You will have to work on accepting them for them, even if you don’t always agree with their views.

As for everyone showing you their outfits the week of your wedding, I would just tell everyone that it either looks great or you can’t wait to see it the day of. You have bigger fish to fry, they are being silly taking up your time and thoughts with this. 

Don’t have a melt down, hang in there. Big hugs from one bride who is getting married this weekend to another. 

Post # 10
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsCoachBtoBee: I bet you not! lol

Maybe a morning or evening though… do some yoga, go for a massage, watch a movie do something that helps you unwind that is completely wedding free!

Post # 12
Member
46333 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Let down the tailgate on the truck. Put the arch in as far as it will go.

Tie the arch securely to the truck. Attach a red flag to the end of the arch that sticks out form the truck. Drive to ceremony site.

All the rest of your issues have been commented on.

Remember “This too shall pass”.

Post # 13
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@bakerella: You have taken all of the words right out of my mouth.

@Wonderstruck: I’m really sorry that you’re going through all of this stress!!! Make that cocktail, pour yourself a hot bubble bath, and turn that wedding brain off for an hour to rejuvenate. *****HUGS***** and like Bakerella said, you’re the ONLY person that will notice if something isn’t like you planned it. All you need is your fiance and your officiant.

Post # 15
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

my Mother-In-Law just reunited with my husband and the relationship between them is kind of shakey. Knowing everything she had put him through and why they have not spoken in so many years doesn’t make me like her, but she is there so I smile and nod and continue to be polite. There are somethings that you really cannot escape from. Your marrying your Fiance thought not his mother, so hopefully you can remember that. Also it’s good that your Fiance isn’t coming between the two of you either, that would just make it worse. Take a deep breath, make a list of everything that needs to be done and try to enjoy yourself. This day will go by so fast!

Post # 16
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Just relax and calm down…….and don’t pay much attention towards her behaviour…….accept the fact that she will be like this always…….so its better to do your wedding stuff and enjoy every part of it rather then thinking about how to improve your relationship with her…….its only two weeks from now so forget about her…..accept her as she is……
You talked with your Fiance about her and its good that he understand her mom’s nature……he is with you what else you want…….
and about friends text…..tell them politely that you are really busy with the preparation of wedding and seriously want them to have whatever dresses they want………you just want them in your wedding…….

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