(Closed) The struggle with getting cat #2 :(

posted 4 years ago in Pets
Post # 2
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

Personally I think that giving a shelter cat a home is more important than concerns regarding moving and fur (unless he’s severely allergic of course). Talk to him again, see if there isn’t actually another reason he doesn’t want to get a cat. Don’t make a life-long commitment based on his reluctant agreement at the end of a fight. 

You could foster a cat with the intent to adopt, but that’s a medium- to long-term commitment. You cannot “trial run” a living being.

If he really doesn’t want to, it won’t be that bad if you wait until Spring. Most cats learn to get along with each other!

Post # 4
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I understand really wanting another cat. But if it were me, I wouldn’t force the issue if my husband wasn’t ready. If we wants to wait until you move, maybe that is a good compromise. It may not be this Spring, but it’s in the foreseeable future. There are shelters or organizations that are willing to take back the cat or kitten if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason (so definitely do your research when it’s time). While it is usually easier introducing a new cat to the household when your current cat is younger, waiting a year won’t drastically change the odds. And even now, there’s no guarantee your current kitty will want a companion (unfortunately). You have an awesome husband and an awesome cat. Just live in the moment for now and enjoy your family! Just my 2 cents… 

Post # 5
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t get one. “Maybe” and “we’ll see” sounds like you’ve asked him so many times that he begrudgingly agreed, although he’s told you flat out he doesn’t want to. Even though it’s a nice goal to adopt a cat, you want both people in the house to be on the same page. 

Post # 6
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

It doesn’t sound like a good idea to me to bring in a new cat when your husband really isn’t on board. That’s a recipe for resentment. There are always issues when you bring a new animal into your home, and if he is standing there ready to say “I told you so,” that’s not going to help. If he is not much of a cat person to begin with, why not let him warm up to the one you have before adding a second one?

Post # 7
Member
3872 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Don’t bring another cat in unless you’re both 100% on board. I wanted a cat since the day we got married and always brought it up. It got to the point where my husband would sometimes humor me because he knew how much I wanted it even though he really didn’t want one. I ended up adopting a shelter kitten, and it became a huge issue between us. He tried to like her and would play with her, but in reality he hated having an animal in the house. He kept it to himself for a while, but he eventually reached his breaking point where we’d argue over the cat for days at a time. He apologized for getting my hopes up and said he really wanted to like having her in the house, but he just couldn’t. I finally had to give her to a woman I knew because it was causing so many fights. 

All of that was to say your husband sounds like mine. They want to do what makes us happy, but it sounds like it might lead to resentment on his end. 

Post # 8
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Your hubby is tolerating one pet because he loves you. Doesn’t sound like he wants or is ready for another. I promise i’m not being  snarky when i say this but you sound kind of pushy right now. 

Post # 9
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
anndck:  Oh I feel the pain… Darling Husband was the exact same. He’s going to need some time to come arround but I wouldn’t be pushing the subject too hard and expecting immediate results. Let him warm up to the idea slowly so that when you do get one it doesn’t become “your cats”. I’ve never heard of “trials” though. Fostering yes, but most of the time it’s temporary and you may get attached to a cat that ends up finding a home with someone else. We only ended up getting a second cat because our first cat got pretty lonely, and started getting pretty vocal with us…I guess she just wanted to communicate with someone. We had a super tiny 442sq ft first appartment and he wasn’t too keen on adding another body to the space. Still we eventually went to the shelter and he fell in love with a kitten and home it came. The introduction is super hard though, doesn’t really matter what age they are but it certainly gets worse once they’re seniors. The first cat was probably 2.5 years at the time and the kitten was 5 months, so even the age difference didn’t help. When I wanted to eventually add 1 dog then another dog… boy was that difficult. I found it was extrememly hard for Darling Husband to say no once he met the cat and dogs. Could you just say in a few weeks or months that you want to just visit the shelter and bring Darling Husband with you? Maybe a special kitty will grab his attention. 

If you do get a new cat somewhere down the road then I would reccomend the following steps, they worked wonders for us (but you can find others online too).
1. Have them swap spaces every few hours
2. Rub down one cat with a towel, then use the same towel to rub the next cat and repeat. We would also leave the towel in their room/space of the hosue
3. Greeting through under the door. Either cat is on either side but they can only smell eachother and not see eachother.
4. Finally they see eachother but it’s done through a baby gate or have both in a cat carrier facing eachother
5. Eating together (the best way for them to have their first interaction), if possible wet canned food as it will hold their attention the longest. 
6. General supervised interactions until you’re comfortable leaving them alone together

They suggest to do these steps over 2-3 days but we were on a time crunch clearly as we had such a small appartment and it was hard to section it off/keep the cats away from eachother, which was necessary because of the hissing and puffing themselves up to appear bigger. They’re quite content now though. 

Best of luck! 

Post # 10
Member
2443 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly, to me cats are no big deal. I fostered, I adopted, and I brought random cats home all of the time. I would always say “it’s a cat.” I say that with love, I’m not saying that they don’t require work, but it’s pretty minimal, so I don’t see what his problem is with not wanting a second cat. I would deffinately talk to him more about it and see what his real reason are, because the reasons hes claiming sound like little covers and not the real reason. 

I personally, vote to get another one. It is easier when they are younger and you are doing a wonderful thing! 

Good luck bee!

Post # 11
Member
950 posts
Busy bee

I love cats. Like, LOVE cats. So much. 

When Fiance (then BF) asked me to move with him for med school, our trade off was that I could get a cat. It took 3 years, but I finally got my cat. Fiance isn’t crazy about them, but he melts when our cat sits on his lap or by him. He’s the one who thinks we need a second kitty to keep this one company. 

If you can, try to show him the research. Let him know that most cats are happier with a buddy (dependent on personality, of course) and that two cats are not that much more work than one. 

Most shelters do offer a trial run. Ours does. They will take back any pet without fees for 4 weeks, no questions aksed. (but it’s the country animal control, so it is a kill shelter…). I’d contact your local shelters to make sure there’s a return option if something goes wrong. If possible, I’d try to get him to watch My Cat From Hell. It’s a little gimmicky, but it can help him get a better feel for what cats require. 

That said, we’re not getting another cat until we move. His residency starts in July, and we will leave our 600 square foot apartment then. If we get a bigger place, then we’ll get another. Otherwise, it’s just us and crazy Albus. We think it’s not fair to bring a new cat into a place this small.

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