(Closed) The suicide of my mother hours after having my Preemie baby on Easter

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I can’t even imagine what you’re going through and I am so so so so sorry this happened.  Definitely continue to utilize all of the support systems around you.  It’s not your fault even though it feels like it is and just remember to give yourself time to grieve.  I’m sending a lot of hugs, prayers, and thoughts your way. 

Post # 4
Member
46329 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Please remember that your mom was mentally ill (depressed and suicidal) and whatever she said to you  or anyone else,,it was her illness talking.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this but please stop blaming yourself. Give yourself time to grieve.

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am so sorry you are going thru this. This is a lot to deal with all at once. Don’t feel like you have to be “over” this at any specific time. You will never get over this, though it will get easier someday. I lost my dad when I was 10 and didn’t feel “over” it til I was 25. I still miss him but it isn’t as sharp now. There are still so many things I want to share with him though and still sometimes do cry. I am glad hubby is home to give you the support you need. Don’t feel guilty about taking joy in the little things. Your mom really did love you and would want you to be happy. This isn’t your fault. It sounds like she was battling with depression and other issues.

If you ever need a listening ear I am here. I wish I could do more. I will be praying for you and your family. Lots of love going your way. *Hugs*

Post # 6
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Suicide is something difficult to mourn. We feel angry and betrayed and at the same time, feel guilty for being angry at someone who has died. Just let your emotions come and go. Don’t try to force them, to change them. Don’t judge yourself for feeling them. Feelings are just feelings. Concentrate on the new little life you have to take care of. Congratulations on your baby, even in the midst of all this pain!

Post # 7
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can’t imagine what you are going through.  I’m so sorry for your loss and I understand you blaming yourself.  I went through my mother’s depression when I was a teenager.  I came home to finding her OD ing while telling me not to call my father.  I was 16. I didn’t call anyone and while she is still with us today I still think it was my fault that she did it in the first place.  I wasn’t there for her.  It’s okay/normal to feel this way.  Take as long as you need.  There is no time limit on mourning. 

Post # 8
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh dear.  I am so sorry.  Please don’t blame yourself.  My heart really goes out to you and your family. 

Post # 9
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to call a grief counsellor.  You need support, your babies need you. 

I had a boyfriend hang himself an hour after we left the movies.  I was full of guilt.  You can’t see your way out of the pain, but it will lift a bit.  I remember the first day that I didn’t cry, I caught myself at the end of the day and said, wow I didn’t cry today, of course I did cry at that thought.  Then I remember the day I was thinking wow, I haven’t cried in two days.  Its slow. 

A person does not committ suicide because of another.  You could not stop her.  If you did, it would only be for a short time until she did it.  For a person to take their life, something is not right. 

Now, I am on the wedding bee because I have finally found my soulmate.   It will be 3 years on Sunday since he killed himself.  Around this time of year it weighs on my mind.  No matter how good my life is, you can’t help it.  You are now part of a club that you never wanted to belong to.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

First off…. I am so sorry for your loss (your mother) but very happy for your gain (your baby). You can’t blame yourself for what had happened. Your mom was obviously facing some demons. Your mom has met your new baby and is guarding her forever. Try and remember the good times you had with her and keep her memory alive, especially for your other girls. Definitely not a time to try and move on, but allow yourself to be frustrated and angry, cry until you cannot cry anymore and then that day will come where you are able to take a step ahead. 

Post # 11
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so so sorry. I cant even imagine the pain you are feeling. My moms brother committed suicide 7 years ago this year and it was probably the most devastating thing to happen to our family. Death is hard, but suicide is on an entirely different level. There are so many questions that come along with it. Im sure with the emotional overwhelming of your early baby that it is even harder for you. I would look into grief counseling or maybe find some books to read about the topic of suicide. The book my mom read was called “Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide”. Something you need to know is that this was IN NO WAY your fault. Do not put that on yourself. Make sure you find the support that you need. Take as much time to grieve as you would like. Dont let anyone tell you that you should be over it, because you shouldnt. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Post # 12
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

In my family we call those horrible waves of crying and remembering “grief granades.”

Just let it explode into tears or it will tear you up later.

 

Bless you dear little girl for making it from only 34 weeks.

And my condolences on the loss of your mother. It doesn’t matter to your grief if it wasn’t your fault. Between being postpartum and grieving–you have every right to be crying.

 

 

@PitBulLover:That is some sage advice.  Find a good counselor. This is not your fault.

Post # 13
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

(((HUGS))) my thoughts are with you , find someone to talk to . You are so brave.

Post # 14
Member
2951 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i lost a parent to suicide as well. both of my parents committed suicide. I have some understanding what your going through although I dont have children. all the bees have given great advice. Seek a pastor or a grief counselor and please now that this is NOT your fault. at all. you didnt make her do that, she did it on her own. She made a selfish decision and hurt a ton of ppl because of it. She wasnt in the right state of mind. please get help and dont be embarrassed to talk about it. We are here for ya. PM if you need to 🙂 *hugs* keep your head up for those babies and that amazing man (im a military wife as well). They all need you! stay strong sweet bee 🙂

Post # 15
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You have my thoughts and prayers. Please get a counselor to speak and grieve with. -hugs-

Post # 15
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I am so sorry that you’re going through all of this… I won’t even pretend to know how you feel or what you’re going through, but know that my thoughts are with you. *hugs*

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