The supermum

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

MeandYou :  I’m totally a super mom! But only on Facebook (and not even that super!), haha. I’m very honest with people in real life about how hard it has been/still is. Even though it’s so easy to do, I try not to compare myself to other people. Just do your thing, do your best, cut yourself slack when you feel you mess up, and realize everyone has different priorities. I know I’m a good mom, I don’t have to be “super.”

ETA: I think it’s important to note that everyone has a different definition of what’s “super,” which is what I meant by different priorities.

Post # 3
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

don’t forget facebook is a highlight reel.  so don’t compare your daily self to what someone posts on facebook.

 

Post # 4
Member
2517 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The mums who post about it on social media are not supermums, they just show their good side.

 

you are an awesome Mum! 

Post # 5
Hostess
3786 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Hah! On FB I am this awesome mom who’s kids have adventures in beautiful places and take treks most kids couldn’t handle and we make awesome crafty stuff and have these super intelligent conversations about the whole world. And those things totally happen!  We climbed the most beautiful mountain this weekend and they had to cross flooded creeks and scale snow banks, it was intense!  

What they don’t see is that my 16 year old is still in bed at 2 in the afternoon today (no school) I briefly saw her as she emerged to smuggle snacks back in there and my 13 YO has had a frozen burrito for both breakfast and lunch. My house is a mess and I’m sitting here on the Bee.  

I guess what I’m getting at is the face we present to social media is NEVER the face you would see at home in our private time.

 I have an acquaintance who is absolutely the picture of SUPER MOM on social media, with her perfect huge house and perfect kids and luxury car and new 8 carat diamond ring on her little size 3 finger and her perfect 100 lb frame.  I also happen to know that they had to work their asses off to save their marriage after she caught him screwing his secretary on his desk and proceeded to beat the ever loving shit out of her… she’s not going to post her arrest record or the years of therapy on facebook! 

The fact that your kids are fed and loved and you managed to get out of bed this morning is sometimes the most you can ask for.  And that is ok.  Nobody tells you how incredibly freaking HARD parenting is!  It’s insane!  And I’ve been doing it for 16 years!  It is always crazy, but the crazy changes a bit as they get older.  Soon, they’ll be able to wipe their own butts and feed themselves and suddenly life will be so much easier!  Hang in there, Bee!

Post # 6
Member
2171 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

YOU are a fantastic mother. You make taking care of your children your daily priority over everything therefore you are amazing. What people post online is always going to be “the good” because what’s the fun in showing the crappy parts, right? 

Being a FTM myself, I question whether or not I’m “doing it right” daily. But that little face and that little smile I see on my daughters face is so reassuring. I get frustrated sometimes when she’s demanding and needs me more than the day before, sure, but I know as long as I meet her needs that day, I’m doing okay. Some days I’m going to kill the motherhood game and others I’m just going to barely survive and both are OKAY. Hang in there mama. 

Post # 8
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

MeandYou :  I have a 3-week-old. I had him by emergency c-section and have been struggling majorly with breastfeeding, like I was told to supplement with formula from the get-go, when I was still in the hospital. It made me feel like my body couldn’t give birth to him naturally and now can’t feed him naturally either. So, very far away from Super Mom-dom.  

It’s getting better but I still wouldn’t say my baby is latching on like a champ nursing like a pro or sleeping through the night.  Or maybe it’s not getting better but I’m just more used to it or beaten-into-submission by it? Lol. 

Oh and I have major help. My aunt is staying with me and my husband and she cooks and helps take care of baby during the day. So during the day, I can actually just nurse and pump, and then try to grab some sleep. Even so and I still find this so hard. I can’t imagine what it would be like if my husband and I had to do everything by ourselves. 

In summary, I’m sure you’re doing just fine and better than I would in the same circumstances. 

Post # 10
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Vineyard on Long Island

You didn’t fail because you made it look hard…. it IS hard!! Don’t let yourself get down like that….

I’m not a mum, but I have so much respect for my friends and family members who are.  Its arguably one of the most demanding jobs and gets the least amount of credit.  Keep going strong.  Keep loving your LO.  Ask for help when you need it.  Keep doing your best, and in the end, that’s all anyone can ask for.

Post # 11
Member
5972 posts
Bee Keeper

Sweetie, if it makes you feel better, I set the bar lower for y’all. I actually took a break in the middle of opening a can laughing Seriously, was in the kitchen opening a can of pineapple tidbits (I love them on pita pizzas), opened half the can, wandered into the living room to see what was happening on Family Feud on the TV, sat down and watched til the commercial, went back to the kitchen and opened the rest of the can. 

I’m an older Bee, so I can remember when the term ‘Supermom’ first started back in the 80s, right around the time Yuppies became a thing too. Where women Had It All/ DId It All and looked great the whole time doing it and seemingly never got tired or cranky or bloated They had wonderful high powered careers, made gourmet meals, had designer magazine homes, had their adorably precocious kids involved in all the right activities, lessons, sports etc and never missed a single ballet recital or soccer game despite the high powered career and were always ready for a little PG rated off camera foolin’ around with the adoring hubby.

 Popular sitcoms of the time re-inforced this too, even before the days of social media cranked it up a few more notches. And women would brainwash themselves into thinking that running yourself ragged trying to be Supermom was a badge of honour, an achievement. That it was worth getting up at 4:30 am so your child could bring in handmade cannolis for the bakesale that everyone would ooh and ahh over it while saying I don’t know how she does it then dashing off to their 50 hour work week and coming home to whip up a meal that would have Gordon Ramsey drooling with admiration and envy. In fact, sitcoms like Roseanne and Married With Children were a backlash against all this hype and perfection. 

And now we have a new generation of Supermoms with internet access, the kind that don’t even bother with veiled humblebrags, it’s just full on braggy-brags all over Facebook, Twitter, & Pinterest. Where the lunch you packed for your kids is now a photo-op to lord over other lesser-achieving moms who didn’t take the time to make the sandwiches into Pikachus and didn’t make the radishes in the Bento boxes into flowers. And moms who see this while wearing a tank top with baby spit-up on the shoulder and a week’s worth of laundry piled up wonder how they do it. 

From my experience, they either do it while running themselves into exhaustion (but crying in the shower or snipping moodliy at their husbands doesn’t make their FB newsfeeds) or else they create a rather misleading and idealized version of their lives on social media. 

I think the key is actually self-esteem, self-confidence. Because we all strive to be good parents, keep a reasonably clean home, eat healthy, do well at our jobs if we work outside the home…..but to not let ourselves worry overly so about what other people think or comparing ourselves to what others brag about on social media. My home is for our family, and sometimes for extended family, friends and other guests, but it’s lived in, not a showpiece. If you come over, I do like to cook so you’ll get a good meal. And wine if you’re so inclined. And you’ll be welcomed, but it will be reasonably clean, not spotless. And if you pop by unexpectedly for coffee, you may have to move yesterday’s newspaper and a few folded piles of laundry on the coffee table to make room for your mug. And even though Darling Husband and I both enjoy cooking, we get tired like everybody else and I refuse to feel guilty if the good people at Taco Bell make our dinner one night 🙂 AND- our kids are older, so if anything we have it even easier than you do. If you came over while my kids were little, you’d be lucky if you didn’t step on Lego or sit in Play Doh (but no regrets on that- fun was always encouraged and their friends were always welcome)

Post # 12
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I am currently 38 weeks pregnant with baby #1. I think about this all the time too. I’ve posted this video once or twice before on other threads…it is so perfect:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jePmMqqQNas

PS: you might get a little teary eyed at the end.

 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors