Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together a year and 3 months (and knew each other a short while before then). He’s lovely gentleman, who really loves and respects me (including my decision to wait till engagement before sex). However, we’re currently in the process of buying property together but we haven’t had a real, serious talk about the future! I often bring it up marriage and our future together in conversation, but we’ve never had a proper conversation about it all, and he’s never specifically said we’ll be getting married or anything.
Now, in most relationships of this length and at my age (21), I wouldn’t be worried too greatly about the future direction but this is different because we’re about to buy property together!!!!! I really want to have this conversation with him before I sign any property purchase papers! How do I bring it up with him?
Post # 3
I think you came up with a good start yourself..’ you are a gentleman in every way including waiting.. and normally I wouldn’t be too concerned at 21 about not having a real conversation about marriage but we are buying property and I would really like to discuss marriage before purchasing property together…’
Post # 4
Directly. No beating around the bush. Be firm, calm and considerate. MrSNeutrino’s suggestion was fantastic. I bought a house and my guy helped with the downpayment. Before that happened he had expressed a desire to have his name on the paperwork.
I straight up told him, if you can’t marry me, you can’t get into 200K worth of debt for the next 30 years with me. I love you but I’m not comfortable going into that kind of debt with someone I’m not married to.
The house is in my name and we just got engaged. Your concerns are totally legit and should absolutely be discussed before it’s too late.
Post # 5
^^ exactly what she said. The way you posed the question to us, is how you should say it to him! I can tell you’re not annoyed or angry or upset about it…just genuinly curious about your future and the severity of signing documents that enter you two into a property together 🙂
Post # 6
I agree with all the previous posts… too often do we read threads that go like “we bought a house togther and have 2 kids and have been dating for X years but I don’t know if he wants to marry me!” Be firm and tell him what you want.
Post # 7
Do you think that there’s a risk that he’ll freak out and run away from the committment? I don’t think he’d leave me, but he might not want to buy the property together anymore.
Post # 8
@victoria1990: that risk is why you are having the conversation in the first place.
It is always easier to lay all your cards out on the table before major life changing events (like buying property) It might be a risk, but it is better to know now than to wait another 2,3,or 4 years and have him decided to tell you then when you are still stuck making payments together.
Be open, be honest, be kind to his feelings but stay true to the information you need to know to keep your heart settled.
Post # 9
I don’t think I would buy property with someone unless I was positive that we were going to get married. Otherwise, what is the point? If you would wait until engaged to have sex, why wouldn’t you do the same with somthing as important (and expensive and legally binding) as buying property? Be up front with him and ask him his intentions. Honestly though, if he seems unsure or beats around the bush, I would reconsider buying property with him until you guys are on more stable ground.
Post # 10
I think you have to bring it up – tell him why it’s came up. Say somethin along the lines of: buying proporty is a big commitment, and before we embark on that…