(Closed) The Talk…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you came up with a good start yourself..’ you are a gentleman in every way including waiting.. and normally I wouldn’t be too concerned at 21 about not having a real conversation about marriage but we are buying property and I would really like to discuss marriage before purchasing property together…’

Post # 4
2892 posts
Sugar bee

Directly. No beating around the bush. Be firm, calm and considerate. MrSNeutrino’s suggestion was fantastic. I bought a house and my guy helped with the downpayment. Before that happened he had expressed a desire to have his name on the paperwork.

I straight up told him, if you can’t marry me, you can’t get into 200K worth of debt for the next 30 years with me. I love you but I’m not comfortable going into that kind of debt with someone I’m not married to. 

The house is in my name and we just got engaged. Your concerns are totally legit and should absolutely be discussed before it’s too late.

Post # 5
1133 posts
Bumble bee

^^ exactly what she said. The way you posed the question to us, is how you should say it to him! I can tell you’re not annoyed or angry or upset about it…just genuinly curious about your future and the severity of signing documents that enter you two into a property together 🙂

Post # 6
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I agree with all the previous posts… too often do we read threads that go like “we bought a house togther and have 2 kids and have been dating for X years but I don’t know if he wants to marry me!”  Be firm and tell him what you want.

Post # 8
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

@victoria1990:  that risk is why you are having the conversation in the first place. 

It is always easier to lay all your cards out on the table before major life changing events (like buying property) It might be a risk, but it is better to know now than to wait another 2,3,or 4 years and have him decided to tell you then when you are still stuck making payments together. 

Be open, be honest, be kind to his feelings but stay true to the information you need to know to keep your heart settled. 

Post # 9
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t think I would buy property with someone unless I was positive that we were going to get married. Otherwise, what is the point? If you would wait until engaged to have sex, why wouldn’t you do the same with somthing as important (and expensive and legally binding) as buying property? Be up front with him and ask him his intentions. Honestly though, if he seems unsure or beats around the bush, I would reconsider buying property with him until you guys are on more stable ground. 

Post # 10
811 posts
Busy bee

I think you have to bring it up – tell him why it’s came up. Say somethin along the lines of: buying proporty is a big commitment, and before we embark on that…

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