(Closed) The thought of forever is freaking me out! Advice please….

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

This is totally normal. Which type of thing comforts you more? Data or shared experiences with other people? I’ve got both arguments. 

Post # 5
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Youve only been with him a year and a half, maybe you need more time to be 100% sure? It’s normal to be a little hesitant but you shouldn’t feel scared and confused at the thought of an engagement.

Post # 6
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

When I had these thoughts, I asked myself, “Imagine your life tomorrow without him…is it better or worse? Imagine it a year from now, or 2, and so on…better or worse?” Also ask yourself if you think you will honestly be happier with someone other than him…

I absolutely could not, so there was my answer. It’s a little cliche, but it worked.

Post # 7
Member
6344 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I can honestly say I’ve not once had these thoughts since we started seriously discussing engagement; however, we’d been together for 3 years before we actually started discussing marriage seriously, so perhaps that’s why.

Personally I feel like while yes, it’s important to recognise that marriage is a big thing, it shouldn’t really make you freak out. I also feel like if you don’t actually want to marry yet, it seems a little silly to get engaged. I will admit we are having a very long engagement, but this is purely down to finances, not because we want to hold off getting married. Had finances permitted we’d have got married some years ago (been together nearly 7.5 years).

Post # 9
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@alsgirl:  I guess forever sounds like a scary proposition…but it’s not forever, it’s like…50 years, or so….best case scenario…besides, it’s not like the two of you are going to sit down at a table and stare at each other the whole time….

life will go on, just like it does now, only both of your names are on the mortgage and someone is grumpy because they didn’t sleep last night….you go to leave for work and find out that your loving husband got up in the middle of the night and ate the leftover meatball sandwhich you were planning on taking to work, but you don’t get mad because now you know the reason he didn’t sleep was the MASSIVE indigestion eating that thing at midnight caused, so it’s like instant justice in a way and with a kiss and hug your off to do interesting office things and meet up again for dinner, where a confession of last night’s pig out is likely…

That doesn’t sound scary, does it?  If anything, it’s remarkably ordinary, anything but exciting and if I’m being honest, totally satisfying in every way imaginable!

Be scared, that’s ok…just don’t let it stop you from experiencing a relationship that can bring the reality of an entirely different person into you life, it’s fascinating!

Post # 10
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@alsgirl:  I felt the same way, even though when we met 2 and a half years ago it was not very long at all before I felt  knew he was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. Then there was that momentary panic. that “ohmyGodthisisit” feeling and even though you know this is really truly what you want you can’t help but think about the other options… in my case this means now I know I will never become a vet or live overseas… “little” things like that that are not essentially to my life’s happiness, but still dreams of mine.

You still have time… nothing is being rushed. And no one says that just because you get engaged you have to get married right away, obviously. Enjoy it for what it is. Are you scared of the commitment/forever in general, or commitment/forever with HIM?

Post # 11
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Nona99:  lol sounds like first hand experience…

Post # 12
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

if it scares you, then maybe you should slow down a little bit.

Post # 13
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@BluePeaches:  It was hard not to get angry….I really wanted to sandwich…

Post # 14
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

Okay. You got it. 

Data: http://twentysomethingmarriage.org/early-marriage-brings-greater-satisfaction-with-life/

This is from a HUGE study that was taken reasonably recently on marriage. This article addresses the data that suggests that marriage can make you happy!

and more emotional/shared life experiences:

http://www.apracticalwedding.com

particularly the engagements/proposals tab

some examples that helped me: http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/09/being-pre-engaged-when-you-are-the-one-not-ready-to-get-married/#more-30818

http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/12/christina-the-un-fairytale-proposal/#more-6765

these following two posts are great – particularly in the comments!

http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/03/engagements-and-proposals-part-i/#more-

http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/03/engagements-and-proposals-part-ii/#more-

 

enjoy!

Post # 15
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

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