(Closed) The thought of forever is freaking me out! Advice please….

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Totally normal πŸ™‚ don’t worry

Post # 18
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

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@alsgirl:  See, now doesn’t that make you feel way more sane?

Post # 19
Member
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Normal.

It is because sometimes, when we are perfectly happy and content, we wonder WHY anyone soe wonderful would love little old us ???

Your pondering forever is actually… you trying to reason WHY he’d want to spend FOREVER TO THE END OF TIME… with you !!

Lol, I have been super secure in my relationship with Mr TTR for over 7 years… he too is everything I ever wished for

At a very very low point in my life, in the middle of my Divorce when I was virtually homeless… I remember I was crying my self to sleep one night, and asking God WHY I was going thru this living H#LL knowing that I had always been the good person in my past marriage… and yet I was still suffering so.  The next morning, I pulled out my journal and wrote down a list with every little element I could think of that I wanted in a “perfect” man.  Less than a year later, that man walked into my life… and I literally was able to tick off every box on my very very long list !!

Call it Fate, Karma, God… something / someone intervened and my life has been a Zillion times better since I met Mr TTR

So anyhow…

Despite all that…

When I was standing in the Bathroom of our gorgeous Honeymoon Hotel Room on my Wedding Day, putting the finishing touches on my look… I was overcome by butterflies, my palms were sweaty… my tummy doing flip flops… etc.

I was having an anxiety attack.  I was overcome with fear that maybe this was a big mistake…

(Lol a feeling I didn’t have on my first Wedding Day so many decades before… and yet that marriage WAS A HUGE MISTAKE)

Barely able to talk… my lips quivering…

I walked out of the Bathroom, to see Mr TTR who had dressed in the Bedroom area of our Suite greet me, and he looked amazing.  And before I could say a word… he told me how gorgeous I looked and that he was honoured to make me his wife that afternoon.

And all my fears, anxiety and uncertainty was gone.  And I knew I was doing the right thing.  He handed me my bouquet and we were off.

Hope this helps,

PS… No regrets.  I am uber happy.  I think the anxiety was just a way of my mind, heart, body reaffirming for me that this was a SERIOUS commitment and not something to be taken lightly.

 

Post # 21
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

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@This Time Round:  You know, that is funny, because I also did not have the fear/anxiety/excitement before my first wedding/marriage (which ended up being completely horrible within months). This time around I had a panic attack five minutes before I was supposed to get in place for first look and I was bawling my eyes out and super anxious :/

Post # 22
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

Totally normal!

I was the one pushing the engagement thing. And then when he started talking realistically about it I got a little panicked. We’ve been together 3 years so I know this boy is a good fit for me but I still had this pinprick of fear. It doesn’t help that he has no such freakouts about it.

I think a lot of my freaking out is stemming from the fact that by getting engaged and marrying I will trulyyyyyyy be, like *gasp* an adult. Something I definitely don’t feel like I am right now.

 

Post # 23
Member
1879 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@shrubfish09:  This is what I do to. My life without my fiance is kind of incomprehensible. I mean, logically, I know I’d still go on, but I can’t even really imagine life without him.

 

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@alsgirl:  The way I feel about it, really, is that the kind of scaredness I get when thinking about FOREVER together (and we are two and a half weeks out from our marriage, so there’s been more of this lately) is EXACTLY how I feel before I start a new job that I am really excited to have gotten. I want it, but I’m afraid I might fuck it up somehow, and I’m nervous that something will go wrong, and oh my god what if I wear the wrong thing and they judge me or what if there are unspoken expectations that I don’t immediately pick up on, freaking out oh my god. I was like that every year before classes started, I am like that with every new job, I was like that when we got engaged, and I am like that prior to my wedding. But imo THAT is the kind of “good” fear that shows that you’re taking it seriously and don’t want to screw it up. So I guess you need to figure out if it’s that kind of fear or if it’s the “crap, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with this person” kind.

 

 

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@This Time Round:  Your stories of your current marriage are always so lovely!

Post # 24
Member
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Lol, came back to this topic and just read the great post by

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Nona99: (Reply # 8) where she said…

I guess forever sounds like a scary proposition…but it’s not forever,  it’s like…50 years, or so….best case scenario..

Lol, it reminds me of that old joke of .. How does one eat an elephant ??

Answer… one bite at a time.

Looking at the whole Elephant is intimidating… knowing you are gonna attack it just one small bit at a time not so much

And so it goes with marriage.

FOREVER sounds frightening… 50 years not so much… year by year, month by month, week by week… day by day… not so scary at all.

And so it goes.

 

Post # 26
Member
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO

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@alsgirl:  lol, glad the Elephant Joke gave you a chuckle.

Lol, so tell me what does Wednesday ~ April 3rd look like ???

(Now as silly as it seems… This always cracks me up… being able to call myself a time-traveller cause I can literally talk to someone in the future)

πŸ˜‰ *wink*

 

Post # 27
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I feel the exact same way.

 

Been dating 6.5 years and we own a house together. I want more than anything to get engaged, but at the same time, it scares the hell out of me. I know the ring is coming within the next few months, I will bug him to see if he has a plan yet on how to propose… it’s all fun and games, until he replies with something serious to show he IS thinking about it.  Then that scares me and I back off awhile… lol

 

It probably has something to do with my horrible anxiety about life in general. But either way, I’m guessing our feelings are normal? πŸ™‚

Post # 29
Member
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO

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@alsgirl: ooops, lol… I totally forgot you guys are in Autumn as we are in Spring… so as the sun moves to the Northern Hemisphere… YIPEE… you guys are seeing less of it πŸ™ *pout*

Mind ya Winters in Oz will never be anything like we see here in Canada (whats cold for you guys… 10 or 12 C vs our continual below Zero for 6 months… and -20 down to -40 here in January)

As for this week, it has been awesome… we are finally above Zero in the daytime… and the snow is melting faaaast and people are really excited to be going out of their houses again after what has been a long cold winter.  Canadians, we are a funny bunch… the weather gets above Zero (barely) and you’ll actually see people in shorts in the daytime !!

 

Post # 30
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

@alsgirl: Probably because its what youve been dreaming of for so long, youve become used to waiting and i guess picturing it actually happening is quite a shock when you realise that its for real now!! So cool though!! Im in Aus too πŸ™‚

Post # 31
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I freakes out about the “forever” part but as soon as I reminded myself that it was forever with my DH, it calmed me down made me realise I wasnt in this on my own.

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