(Closed) The TTC Obsession

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
4448 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Girl, you need to take a step back. You are making yourself so unhappy by obsessing this way. Stop thinking about if/when you get pregnant, and focus on your life right now.

Find a new hobby, exercise, go for a walk,  journal, sign up for a class, spend time with your friends: do whatever you have to do to help take your mind off of it. Plans can be cancelled, and things can change if you get pregnant, but you have to LIVE YOUR LIFE.

You might get pregnant next month, or in a year…..do you really want to waste your life away being unhappy? Trust me, letting it go a bit is SO freeing (and this is coming from a type A person who took 15 months to get a BFP, so believe me I KNOW).

Post # 3
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Sorry bee, this definitely seems to be common around these parts. I am always thinking ahead “What if I am pregnant here..” “How will I tell my family if I get pregnant now…” Its been a bit over a year, two MCs, and I am still in the same boat. I just try not to talk about it with people outside the boards. I dont let my TTC freak flag fly :o)

Post # 4
Member
4885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m in this boat now, as we’ve been TTC since September… but really only November since there was awful timing in September and October.

DH thinks I do get too crazy… and doesn’t make it fun for him when I’m like, “we need to do it NOW!!”. So, I’ve gotten better with the approach for when we need to start BDing to get the ball rolling. Also, when a test comes back negative and I tell him… he’s been good with positive words and makes sure I don’t feel down as there is next month and our time will come.

Then after I know I’ve O’d… it’s usually easy to keep my mind off it until closer to my test date, according to the FF app (and another app  use). But, it’s hard when it gets closer and I’m reading everything symptom I have as a “maybe this is a sign”.

We’re going to Vegas at the end of January and booked the trip in September (talked about it for a year), and still planend it no matter if I was pregnant or not. And… I may not be. I can test the week before we leave, and should have AF when we’re there if I’m not PG. I didn’t want to NOT book this trip with the “what if’s”. And now it’s here and we’re still not PG… so I am glad we did book.

Post # 5
Member
3003 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
jcor:  Honestly, I would try to get a handle on this before you are pregnant and a parent. There is so much that you can’t control about life, especially when it comes to pregnancy and babies. I don’t think this extreme preoccupation will magically go away once you’re pregnant. I would see a therapist to work through it- it could make TTC (and your life in general) much more pleasant. Best of luck TTC! I hope you get pregnant soon!

Post # 6
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

I don’t have any helpful advice for you, but I am right there with you!  This is only our 4th cycle trying, but I’m going crazy over whether there is something wrong with me since we haven’t gotten a BFP yet.  I’m due for my annual exam in January so I’m going to have them run a bunch of tests just to make sure everything is ok.  Logically, I know everything probably is just fine but emotionally it will make me feel a lot better to hear that from my doctor. 

I do the exact same thing as you with trips too – we are planning a Europe trip in May and every month I think “oh, I’d be xx weeks for the trip if I got pregnant this cycle.”  And my sister is getting married at the end of April (ordered my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress last night in my current size) so I keep doing Google Image searches to see bumps at various stages so I can worry myself over whether my dress will fit IF I get pregnant.

I keep trying to tell myself to chill out about it all, but it’s not working so far!

Post # 8
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
jcor:  Hi! I just wanted to say that you are most definitely not alone. We started trying in October, and I’m expecting AF this weekend and I’m totally feeling down about the TTC process. 

It’s so difficult bc in real life I feel like we don’t hear much about others journey to parenthood. So when it doesn’t happen immediately it can feel very isolating and hopeless.

The support and stories on these boards definitely help. But it doesn’t make it any easier when you feel surrounded by babies. I know hearing your story totally just helped me. Best of luck to you! I hope your wait is over soon! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I tend to worry so much about silly things…. we decided to start gambling and make it fun instead of obsessing about it all. I get what you’re saying. Don’t let it consume you though.

Post # 10
Member
446 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
jcor:  You are so not alone. Last month I had a total meltdown when I realized that I’d be gone on a work trip for my entire FW, and that was my “wake-up call”. When we first started TTC I threw myself in and felt like I had to do everything to maximize chances of a BFP. Now that we’re a number of cycles in, I’m dialing back and only doing the stuff that makes sense to me.

One thing that has helped me is figuring out parts of TTC that help me feel more in control and parts that just make me obsess. For instance, temping has made me feel calmer because it was confirming that I was o’ing and that conception was at least possible, but the OPKs turned me into a hot mess in the bathroom every morning and positive OPKs were putting pressure on my Fiance, so I stopped them. We’re both a lot happier now and it feels less like work.

I hope your appointments go well and you get your BFP soon!

Post # 11
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
jcor:  

I feel for you… and this is one thing I keep reminding myself do not repeat my old mistake. I turn wedding planning and engagement into obsession and plan every single details…..which make our engagement stress and drain us alot….and make my DH have no feeling attach to it… 

 

so this time, I try not talk about or think about TTC too much… we only tried once last month… this month is too stress and too busy due to various reasons…so we will start again next month…and plan to be more active than we normally are (we are not sexually active….. it’s a bit Too Much Information but yeah… only happen once or twice a month the most) 

beside that, whenever I catch myself tempted to look at baby stuff… I quickly turn off my phone or browser… I want to make it fun or at least stressless… I learn to tune everybody out whenever they hint we should get a baby soon … instead of thinking of when I *should* get a baby next year, I focus on planning time off with family and friends visiting me from oversea… my mother is freaking out… about “what if” I hit jackpot next year…who’s driving them around… it’s not even in my head…. we will worry about it when it happen… my head is too busy planning for their trips and my major renovation next year…..

 

 

Post # 12
Member
620 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
jcor:  I’m sorry you’re feeling this way! It’s no fun. I don’t think you need to just “stop thinking about it” (AKA the relax and it will happen approach) or stop doing OPKs or anything, but you need to regain some balance. I’m not going to lie, it’s tough! I did the exact same thing around that point of TTC when you felt sure it would have happened yet and are getting nervous that it hasn’t. And like you, I was pretty new to my area and didn’t have a whole lot of friends nearby as a good distraction, so it was extra hard. But one thing I tried to remember (and often failed!) was the idea to “not waste the season of life you’re in now waiting for the next one to start.” Try to enjoy your life now without worrying about being X months pregnant, etc. DH and I had planned not to go on a big trip for my graduation in Europe because we thought I would be pregnant, but then after a few months with no luck, we said screw it, and booked the flights. I ended up not pregnant, and we a blast! Now that I AM pregnant, I cherish those memories and that we went on that big trip together before our travel plans will be more limited. Take up some hobbies, travel, spend time with your husband…it makes the time go faster, and it builds up your bond before the stress of a new baby. Good luck, bee! 

Post # 13
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
jcor:  Sorry bee. Don’t be too harsh on yourself for how you are processing it. It is VERY normal (not ideal, but normal) to start thinking about it “too much”, wanting it to happen, get emotional over it. “Relax and don’t think about it advice” is just not possible or practical. It is one of the most frustrating things to say (and ironically some people who are giving that advice, where obsessing themselves when ttc). TTC for a long periods of time can be one the most stressful things in woman’s life (there are psychological studies that found that dealing with infertility was MORE stressful for woman than divorce, sickness, job loss. Not saying you have IF, just pointing out that ttc stress is common, and normal). Ladies here (including me) post on 1 year plus, 6 months plus, etc boards every day, listing every detail of treatment, what cycle day we are on, CM changes, opks changes etc….SO yeah, thinking about it every day and getting upset is normal. There are ways to help cope with it, but it is not realistic to just one day say ” I don’t care, I will just live my life and not think about it”. It is an emotional rollercoaster/process. Do the best you can, but that is all you can do. Wish you all the best in 2016 🙂

Post # 15
Member
4448 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
jcor:  FX you are! For the record, I don’t think people were saying “relax and it will happen”. That’s bs, and I would never tell someone that. I think the point was more to try and focus on other things…not because then you’ll magically get pregnant,  but because it’s a healthier coping technique so you can be happy (or hapiER) through the journey. 

The topic ‘The TTC Obsession’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors