Thank you Abirdword… I hope I wasn’t too snarky.
I just think there is a loving and healthy way of going about this.
After dating my Boyfriend or Best Friend (now DH) for approximately 14 months, I was about to go nuts. There was no proposal in sight. My birthday, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentines Day had come and gone. He hinted about getting me a ring several times, then at dinner one night he said something about getting a wedding ring. Weeks went by and no proposal.
Finally one night I had a dose of what is sometimes called “liquid courage” after one too many glasses of wine (LOL). We were sitting on the sofa watching TV and I don’t know how I got around to bringing it up exactly, but I asked him where this relationship was going. He said he wanted us to be together “for many years to come.” He didn’t say forever, just “many years to come.” I honestly can’t remember what words I used, but I basically let him know that I needed to know specifically where this was going. I told him all the reasons why I loved him and wanted to be with him too — and then said very plainly that I was not comfortable dating him indefinitely without knowing where this was going. I said it nicely and lovingly, but I also let him know I meant what I was saying.
So he responded by asking when my lease was up (it was going to be up about nine months from when we had this talk — at our two year anniversary). I told him when it was up and he said we should start planning on moving in together at that point and then getting married about six months after that.
LOL! So I told him at that point that I would love nothing more than to move in together — but that I didn’t believe in living together before marriage. And that I would not feel comfortable moving in and taking a leap like that without being married first.
So, he agreed.
It was really that simple. We talked about it calmly and rationally, and thank HEAVENS he wanted to marry me. If he hadn’t, that conversation would have gone very differently. It would have broken my heart in two, but I simply could not stay in that relationship any longer knowing that there was no hope of a marriage.
I’m just so glad and so happy that he was on the same page as me. If he hadn’t been, I really would have walked. I’m not saying I would have walked away without a backward glance. I know I would have been devastated. But geeze, what’s the alternative? Being someone’s girlfriend indefinitely? Forget that! 😛
Edit: I forgot to add that he formally proposed with a ring a few months after that.