I hear what you are saying, and I’m sure you’re going to disagree with what I have to say, but I think what you are saying sounds very logical to us women, but for my part I have never had one of these conversations go well with a guy I have been dating. Your mileage may vary.
In my experience, if a guy is pulling back – whether it’s because he is busy with work or other concerns in his life, whether it is just a natural slowing down that happens after the honeymoon phase, whether he is is struggling/in a bad place, or whether, worst case scenario, he is losing interest – then pulling back is what he needs to do. From what I understand, men are different from us in this regard. While we need to talk things out and get resolution, they prefer to retreat, get clarity, and then come back to the relationship and deal with whatever it is.
The way I see it, it’s really not playing games to let him have the space that he needs. There’s a time and place for talking to him that will be more effective. Coming at a guy when he is taking a bit of space never goes well, in my experience. Perhaps you have an example that you would like to share? I’d also say the way you address it with a guy is important – criticising him for how he communicates or handles his stresses never goes well either in my experience. But she can certainly come at this from a place of how she feels (“I miss you,” “I miss our conversations”) would be to be vulnerable without criticising. If she can do it at a time when he is open to hearing her, that would be even better.
If the guy is constantly being distant, blowing hot and cold, then I agree, she should have a conversation and reevaluate if this is the relationship for her. But in this case, they are still communicating (quite regularly I may say) and have plans to spend the holidays together. This doesn’t sound like a guy who is checked out of the relationship, maybe just one with a lot on his mind.
Like I said, I think often as women, our intentions in having a conversation can be very good and pure, but it’s not always the most effective approach. You can say “well then it’s obviously not the right guy/relationship” and maybe you’ve had the experience where you’ve been able to address every concern you’ve ever had with your man, but this does not mean it’s true for all men or even most men. Hasn’t been my experience anyway. As I say, YMMV.