(Closed) The UnFunny Joke.

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@badabing88:   You probably just hit the nail on the head.  Because you ARE a very attractive, sexy woman he probably feels you have more self-confidence and can take a joke better.  But what he needs to realize is that even though you are gorgeous and sexy, that does not mean you are different from any other woman in needing her man to appreciate what he has.  Even beautiful women need compliments, lol.  πŸ™‚ 

Post # 19
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@badabing88:  if it would make you feel better, then of course!

Post # 21
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@badabing88:   Well, at least he apologized, that’s good.  Yes, by all means, write him a letter explaining how his jokes (in that way) have the potential to hurt you.  Tell him you know he doesn’t mean to hurt you but that you are NOT A GUY and he cannot joke around with you like he would with a guy.  πŸ™‚  Tell him he can joke about anything else, lol.  And, I bet your co-worker might be right, but don’t put that in the letter.  You don’t want to make him feel more insecure than he maybe already does. 

If you explain how you’re feeling vulnerable it will help him understand where you’re coming from.  And will melt his heart – always a good thing.  πŸ˜‰ 

Post # 22
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@Sunfire:  +1000000000

Guys respond really well to you letting them know they can “take care” of something… I think your approach is perfet!

Post # 24
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@mamadingdong:  +1

Yeah, yeah… guys are dumb but that’s why they have us to make them better people! I’d wait until I wasn’t PMSing and try to have a calm conversation with him about it. HA! No, that’s what I think YOU should do. What I would do is end up saying “You know how you like to make jokes when I’m being sexy? It turns me off. Keep doing it & no more sexy… or sex for that matter.”

Post # 25
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

Wow, that must be so hurtful for you to hear!  I would be really upset if everytime I was being all sexy, DH made a joke.  I remember that when we first started dating, DH would make jokes at my expense (which is something he grew up with), but within 6 months, I broke him of that habit. 

I think what your coworker said about your guy being hung up on his weight gain, etc, might have something to do with this too.  If I were you, every time he does this, I would tell him exactly how crappy his statements made you feel. 

 

Post # 26
Member
2296 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i totally get that. my SO has done some things like that and about a month ago asked why i don’t buy/wear as much lingerie as i used to. 

i told him that it’s not fun to do anymore because his dumb comments (or none at all) just make me feel self conscious so why on earth would i spend money putting myself ‘out there’ FOR him? 

he’s been better since then – we joke around a lot too but i needed to tell him that any jokes about appearance etc or something that would make me feel insecure is not cool. 

 

Post # 27
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I dont know, i wouldn’t be uset.  LEt me tell you a conversation i had with Fiance yesterday. We were talking about babies looking like their dads when they are first born.  I said:

“Gosh i hope our kids dont get your ears.”

Fiance glares at me. “That was mean. Well i hope our kids dont have your ass.”

I laughed, “Honestly hun i hope they dont have my ass either!”

And then we both laughed and Fiance said he liked that we could laugh about those  things and not take offense. Dont take it personal. 

Post # 28
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@badabing88:  write the letter. Make sure he knows that when you’re angry, it’s just hiding the fact that he hurt your feelings. You put yourself out there for him, and even though you come off as sexy and confident, you have insecurities too and he poked them. Just drop the anger in your letter and be open and honest. If he understood that it hurts you and makes you feel LESS sexy and loved (and less inclined to do this kind of thing again), I’m sure he’ll stop.

Post # 30
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I would calmly sit your bf down and explain to him that when he makes fun of you while you are being vulnerable/sexy/naked/whatever, it turns you off. Turning you off = no sexy time for him. So it’s his choice if he’d rather be funny or get laid. I think that would get the point across to most dudes πŸ˜‰

Post # 31
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ok, I’m going to be the somewhat dissenting voice here and say that if you make fun of each other constantly, INCLUDING appearance, you can’t reasonably expect him to know which parts are ok to tease you about and which aren’t.  That’s not fair.  He’s not a mind reader, and when you tell him it’s ok to tease you about some things sometimes but not other things some of the time, you can’t expect him to keep track.  If you’re going to make certain topics off limits for teasing, that’s fine!  My fiance and I make fun of each other all the time, and we have a couple things that are off limits.  The key is to be consistent about it.  Once something is no longer up for teasing with you, then you don’t get to tease him about it.  Nor do you get to sometimes be ok with it.  Otherwise, he’ll be just as confused as he is right now.

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