Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn
Back in high school, I had a rough time getting along with other girls. I found myself gravitating toward hanging out with guys and ended up befriending a large group of them. I was particularly close with one of them. Let’s call him Sam.
Sam and I were best friends. We were always together, doing homework or just listening to music while talking about what made us tick. We became kind of inseperable and I really cared for him. Our senior year of high school, the friendship slowly turned physical. All I wanted was to date Sam, but he refused to make it official. Still, our situation was very romantic. I’m talking cuddling under meteor showers, communicating by letter, fighting in the rain romantic.
We went to college about 6 hours apart from each other and both started seeing other peoeple. Eventually those relationships ended and we decided to give a relationship between us a chance. I was over the moon. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel the same thing from him. He never called and when he did we had nothing to talk about. We broke it off and I was a wreck.
Since then, I have clearly moved on and am extremely happy with my fiance. Still, I find myself wanting to contact my ex. He was more than just an ex. He was my best friend and no one has been able to fill that spot since. Every so often, I will run into him at a party with mutual friends and neither of us know what to do or say. We just kind of awkwardly wave at each other.
Lately, though, I’ve been finding myself tempted to contact him. I want to tell him about my engagement. I want to know how his recent move went. I want to hear about his family and his brother’s trip to Europe. I just want to talk to him.
Is this completely and totally wrong? I couldn’t be less interested in rekindling a romantic relationship with Sam, I just miss that friend I had. I haven’t talked to my fiance about this because I’m sure it would make him super uncomfortable.
Has anyone else had an experience like this? How do you get over the urge to make contact?
Post # 3
If you know it would make your fiance uncomfortable, then I think you know it’s not the right thing to do. Your time has passed with Sam, and you need to let it go. No phone call or text that will hurt the man you’re about to marry will ever live up to what you think it will. Forget him, make a new friend.
Post # 4
I can understand this because I also had an ex that was a big part of my life and who I maintained a friendship with long after the relationship ended. However.. I knew that in order to truly move on with my life and get into a healthy space where I wasn’t holding on to old emotional baggage I needed to cut off contact with this ex. He got engaged after I was already married and my husband and I both felt the right thing to do was send a congratulations text, and he wrote back that it meant a lot to him. Aside from that, I haven’t spoken to him in over a year (he called and left a message after I got engaged and gchatted me maybe once about my wedding plans, of which I was vague, and that was it). I am still friends with him on facebook but I have him hidden so I don’t have to see updates. I didn’t unfriend him totally because I thought it would be rude and dramatic, but I never come across him on facebook. I guess what I’m saying is that it takes will power, but in the end it’s best to leave the past where it is and look toward the future. At least that’s been my experience. (Especially if contacting him would hurt your fiance or make him uncomfortable.)
Post # 5
@FutureMrsWeston: You find something else to distract you, you block methods of communication so you can’t do it spur of the moment.
I’ve been there. I know the feeling of just wanting to know… but it’s not worth it. If you get in touch, it opens a door that will be very difficult to close – and it will hurt your fiance (and you, in the long run).
Post # 6
No, have never experienced that. Maybe you’re not over your ex or maybe you just need clsoure to something you felt was unfinished.
Post # 7
dont do it. you have a new life and new best friend in your fi. move on.
Post # 8
He didn’t choose you. He made an impression during an important and formative time in your life. Your FIANCE signed up for forever. Priorities.