(Closed) The wait is going to be longer than anticipated

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

You seem pretty preoccupied with the ring. 

Post # 4
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
intothevoid:  Well with $50 you could definitely get one! If that’s all he’s managed to save then perhaps a $1,500+ ring isn’t a justifiable expenditure for him right now.

Post # 5
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If you want to be engaged now, $50 can get a ring from Berricle, JTV or Eve’s Addiction. It won’t be Verragio, have a diamond or last forever but it’ll be a ring for now.

Post # 6
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh I’m sorry to hear that, what a blow. I know it isn’t about the ring it’s just the fact that he isn’t at the level you thought he was at. Well cheer up, at least he started saving even if it isn’t exactly where you had hoped he would be 

Post # 7
Member
684 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
intothevoid:  I think it’s more the fact that he has not made it a priority than the actual ring itself. Am I right? And yes the ring is important.  Otherwise an engagement can be just a verbal agreement between the two of you. 

II don’t blame you for how you feel 

Post # 8
Member
2673 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
intothevoid:  honestly I would not even consider getting engaged if he is financially irresponsible, as you say he is. 

Post # 9
Member
7756 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

If the things you say are true – that he has a decent paying job and the two of you are not financially strapped – then it looks like financial irresponsibility is perhaps a bigger issue than you thought. The numbers would mean that he has been putting LESS than $10/month toward your ring – even a cup of coffee a day costs more than that. Unless he is barely scraping by paycheck to paycheck, it means that he simply has not wanted or tried to save for a ring. If the relationship isn’t the issue (you are sure he isn’t stalling due to cold feet), then financially irresponsibility is, and I think it needs to be addressed. Believe me, once you are married and find out that you have no money in the fund you had been saving to replace your roof with, things can pretty easily hit the fan. If the two of you are not financially compatible, you need to address that before the wedding because nothing can break up a marriage faster than money issues.

I don’t think that wanting a nice ring is a capital crime, and from the financial situation you describe, it sounds like it shouldn’t be taking this long to come up with $50. I think there are bigger discussions that you need to have here than a timeline on a ring.

Post # 10
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

Maybe you’re not as well off as you like to think you are? My Fiance and I aren’t financially strapped either, but if I had to make a large purchase by myself while continuing to contribute to household bills I’d probably have to take a while to save too. 

Here’s the thing, you don’t have to wait longer if you don’t want to, you just won’t get the big blingy diamond ring you wanted. Or, you can wait for the ring but you have to wait longer to get engaged. Which is more important to you? Getting engaged or having a ring to make other girls jealous?

Post # 11
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

I’m surprised no commenters have thought your SO is throwing you off; that’s the first thing that came to my mind. I get where you’re coming from with the $50, it’s more about if he’s taking this situation seriously and responsibily than the amount itself.

Before you get too worked up over it, remember that he probably wants to a) make sure you’re interested in marrying HIM and not just having a wedding, b) you’re not too materialistic (‘for richer and poorer’), and c) he wants to surprise you

Remember, engagement rings can also be upgraded.

Post # 12
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think we’re living the same life!  SO and I are about a year behind you, though.  Still, met our first year of college (got together the summer after), lived together for about 3 years, I graduated, he moved with me for a job, he struggled at first and still has a couple years of school left… eerily similar.

I also totally get what you’re feeling.  It’s not about the financial responsibility (you know he COULD come up with the money), and it’s not about the ring, it’s about whether he is as committed to the idea of marrying as you are.  I posted something maybe a month ago and also got only skeptical replies (not about saving for a ring… I was excited because I got a timeline!).  Just wanted to chime in and say that you’re not alone, you’re not being materialistic, and your SO probably isn’t too financially irresponsible to marry–if he would only get a move on it!

Related note–have you tried a timeline talk?

Post # 13
Member
6393 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
intothevoid:  He may be throwing you off, but he may also not be ready for the commitment yet.  When my husband and I talked about engagement and rings, etc, he had a ring two weeks later, and we got engaged 5 days after the ring arrived (easter 2014).  So it could be some of that.  As for the price tag, you don’t need an uber expensive ring to say you’re engaged, it’s  the idea that’s the most important.  I did get the ring I love, but it wasn’t until I helped my husband out that he knew that’s what I wanted.  Poor man was drowning in cut, clarity, carat, color (convinced I wanted a diamond).

Post # 14
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Just my two cents, and this may not be a popular opinion, but I think a man who wants to get married, who is ready to get married, and who values the traditions of engagement will make it his priority to save money, get a ring, and propose without being asked by his SO.  

I see a ring as a gift, something that he gifts as a symbol.   Because I feel like it’s his gift to give, freely, and should be less of an “expectation” (even though we both get that it kinda is), I could never imagine asking my SO if he has money saved for a ring and then asking how much.

My SO did at one point cleverly ask me how much engagement rings cost, to get my two cents — while the price may vary, we both feel it shouldn’t be “easy” to afford.  That means different things for different people, and that’s fine. 

It’s just me, but I wouldn’t want it as much if I had to pick it out and set an amount and nag him about saving for it! For that reason, I’m totally into letting him put his own time and thought into what he thinks I would like and planning to give it to me when he’s ready.  I trust that he’ll pick out something that’s both a hefty investment — and from the heart — and that means more to me than anything! 

Post # 15
Member
1978 posts
Buzzing bee

Anyone who is mildly motivated can come up with a budget to save $50 a month, $100 a month, even $10 a month.

He either isn’t motivated, or really is horrible with money. Neither of those qualities makes for a good husband, imo.

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