Post # 1
I’m new to the waiting. But I’m known to get ahead of myself, which is exactly what I’m doing right now. My SO and I have been together for three years. This past April we moved in together and in August we got a puppy. And that felt really perfect to me. I’ve always wanted to get married, and him and I had mentioned it in passing that it will eventually happen, and I was perfectly comfortable with the idea of “eventually”. Just having him in my life, every day in any capacity felt good. I had even once said that I just wanted to be with him, married or not, it wouldn’t change anything.
But last week he made me breakfast in bed, on a random day, for no particular reason. As I crunched on a piece of bacon, it hit me, like a slap in the face, that I want to marry this guy. I mean, sure, I knew it before, but at that moment the realization came with urgency. My brain got the best of me. Fast forward a week later (now) and I have obsessively been planning a wedding in my head (and a secret pinterest board). When I can’t contain myself, I have let ideas slip out to my SO, and he’s welcomed all, not in the reluctant way I have come to expect of men when a wedding is mentioned. I know he’s going to propose in like two years (he insists on financial stability, and he’s currently in school), and I probably won’t actually get married until a year after that. We’re talking 2019 here. Yet, I have a wedding song and a guest list. And well, I’m feeling slightly crazy for planning a hypothetical wedding.
Am I? Should I bring it down a notch and go back to being nonchalant (as much as I am capable of)? Or are there any bees out here planning “hypothetical” weddings as well?
Post # 2
Nothing wrong with looking forward to a wonderful lifetime together or dreaming of an amazing wedding. It sounds like he too is looking forward to all of that. Congratulations!
As time passes and you feel even more antsy, communicate to him in a mature way, how you are feeling and get a pulse of where things are. But no nagging or growing resentful. That will serve you no purpose.
It might help for you to journal your feelings about this when you feel overwhelmed or just come talk to us.
Also, while you’re planning your fantasy wedding in your head…. i would encourage you to stay grounded in reality. Work on the health of your relationship and work toward your personal goals. It’s going to help grow and refine you as a person and when the engagement finally happens and the wedding plannning begins, you’re going to be even more ready to be a fabulous wife because you cultivated all parts of yourself… and not just the ‘wedding planner’ in your head.
Bottomline, dont get too carried away in planning a wedding when you’re not yet engaged. No harm in looking around and making notes of what you like but dont go all cray cray and buy a gown or reserve a venue lol!
Post # 3
kiaradee : Tossing around general ideas and researching various elements of a wedding can be helpful when the time comes. But please be aware that the wedding will reflect BOTH of you, and will be based on joint decisions. If he is in school I would guess his priority is studying, and that he will enjoy planning with you when the time is appropriate.
Post # 4
My guy and I talk about what kind of wedding we want, what it would look like, etc sometimes, and I’m waiting. It’s totally okay, as long as you’re not getting too obsessed with it!
Enjoy this time – it’s low pressure, before all the planning begins 🙂
Post # 5
I’m waiting and I have been planning on my head for a long time now. Some of it I have mentioned to my bf and others I haven’t. I have a list of songs for the wedding in mind, I know I want a winter wedding, I have a list of possible venues… Etc. I used to have a pinterest board too, but I actually just deleted it though because I feel like I was planning too much. I don’t want that to be my focus while waiting, I want to enjoy this time with my bf before we get engaged and the planning monster in me takes over.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with planning but don’t let it take over your mind too much so that you aren’t enjoying your relationship.
Post # 6
megkate87 : I know that’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna end up deleting the Pinterest board and calming down and going back to being perfectly fine with “eventually”. I think maybe since it was the first moment the desire to get married hit me. I went down the rabbit hole with wedding fever. O_o
Post # 7
I know exactly what you mean! Once that first thought of “I am ready to be engaged and get married” hits your brain, you will never stop thinking about it! I was in this state for about a year. I obsessed over it and constantly brought it up, let it upset me that it hadn’t happened yet, and planned a complete wedding in the ‘notes’ app on my phone, LOL! I was going crazy! My SO just wasn’t on the same timeline as me then. Fast forward to this Fall and we are both now on the same page and I am officially waiting for a proposal in what he says will be the next six months! What got me through hard times was learning to have open communication with my SO. For awhile, I took the route of being silent and it eventually led to feelings of resentment toward him. I was short with him and easy to snap, which doesn’t exactly thrill someone up to the idea of marrying you when you’re like that. So my advice to you is openly communicate with him about your feelings, don’t let them build up! After all you are in this together 🙂 Talk about a timeline with him that way he can put your feelings at ease and you can relax and continue to grow your relationship.
I would walk him backwards through your ideal timeline. “I would love to be engaged by 2019, and I need at least one year to plan..so would you be on the same page with me for a 2018 engagement?” Or if you want a longer engagement and time to just enjoy that part of your relationship and plenty of time to plan and save..maybe a 2017 engagement.
good luck to you, bee. if you ever find yourself deep in your thoughts and getting upset, feel free to reach out to me! i would be happy to help!
Post # 8
imjessjess : Sorry it took forever to respond! Thanks for your message I wish I had read it sooner. But I figured if I was trying to get out of my wedding craze I should not spend too much time in wedding forrums lol But, now I’m officially engaged! So now I’m back on here full time 🙂
Post # 9
KayDeeSee : I am so happy to hear it worked out for you bee. I am in the boat you were in one year ago and it is great to hear it all went according to plan. 🙂 Congratz on your engagement it sounds like you have a great & devoted man. Welcome back. xox
Post # 10
Congratulations KayDeeSee. 🙂 Glad it all worked out for you. 😀
Post # 11
KayDeeSee : Congratulations!
Post # 12
KayDeeSee : YAY! 🙂 I am engaged now too! 7 more months till our big day! Congrats, Bee 🙂 🙂