Post # 1
I thought I’d post this in a separate thread since it’s been referenced a few times. I’m glad other Bee’s are connecting with this, and it seems many of you have had this experience: the emtional frustration/sadness/apathy/attempting to do Mr Bee’s plan, etc. All the ups and down of waiting.
I’ve decided to call this the “Waiting Cycle”, in 3 phases. It goes something like this:
1)Urgency/excitement about engagement.
Syptoms: picking out bridesmaids, dresses, rings, making spreadsheets, adding to your secret wedding folder and talking about engagement/marriage non-stop.
2)Emotional pain/feelings of rejection.
Symptoms: angry outbursts at your SO, crying, depression, inability to stop thinking “what’s wrong” with you/your relationship, why hasn’t he proposed?, people keep telling you “what’s the rush” and you just want to punch them in the face….
Symptoms: abrupt lack of interest in looking at bridesmaid’s dresses, toying with the idea that perhaps he’s not “the one” or you might not be a match since he clearly doesn’t have the same goals/timelines for marriage as you do, thinking that weddings/marriage may be more trouble than they’re worth at this point, thinking that moving/moving in would be a pain in the ass so you should enjoy living separately for as long as you can, air of independence, going to the gym every day and seeing your friends more often (some of Mr Bee’s steps) feel very natural and not at all like a “Plan”
This cycle varies, and can last from a few hours to many months. Each Bee experiences it at a different pace during different times in the relationship.
Post # 3
I know it’s been said before, but I really need to say that this is just SPOT ON. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one feeling this way, because I went through this cycle many times. I seemed to go through each “phase” once a month for about a year. It’s so frustrating, but again…. it’s good to know that other people feel this way and I’m not completely insane!!!
Post # 4
Oh, Thanks! I referenced this earlier today but I couldn’t find the thread.
Post # 5
I love this post because I have remembered this cycle and couldn’t remember where it was. I think about it on a daily basis to help keep me sane. Thanks for posting it separately!
Post # 7
I agree, Dreamingbee this is very helpful! Thank you for posting something which makes us feel a little less alone in this process. Thanks!
Post # 8
I have been though the cycle, and then through it again!! I think right now i am in step 2 1/2 for the second time (mix between 2 and 3). Thanks, DreamingBee!
Post # 9
Does anybody else get to a fourth stage of the cycle — a time where you do feel pretty confident and content? I feel pretty lucky that I do have that fourth stage. Some parts of it, for me, sound like the apathy/uncertainty stage — at least the natural feeling of doing your own thing. But it definitely comes with a feeling of embracing and enjoying the relationship as it is.
Of course, no matter how long that fourth stage lasts, something or other will happen that will inevitably shoot me back into stage one… either my SO and I will have a really good engagement/marriage conversation, or I’ll get a random and brilliant idea for a theme, or my engaged bff will get me thinking about things, and here we go again *sigh*.
And does anybody else notice how/if the intensity of these cycles changes over time? I used to feel the mood swings with them like crazy (about 3-6 months ago), but over the summer, the intensity of all these cycles has mellowed a bit — I guess as I’ve gotten used to them and they don’t feel so new and exciting (or new and sad, or new and scary) anymore.
Post # 10
@BlueRidgeMere:I think I’ve gone through the cycles for atleast the past year and a half. I think after going through it all over and over, it is less emotional now. I still get frustrated, but there isn’t as many tears! haha I do look back and think “oh man..I was obsessed”
Post # 11
@BlueRidgeMere: I do think there is a fourth stage, too. Sometimes after I’ve talked to my boyfriend and things are moving along I just feel fine. Not always excited, because some times it seems like things are a bit far out timeline wise, but just content and not thinking about it every waking moment. I second the idea of an additional stage.
Post # 12
I have the most ridiculous mood swings. I’m not sure that he knows it’s about waiting (because I try not to bring it up), but he thinks I’m going crazy. I think I might be going crazy too.
I’m doing very well today! I think there must be stage 4 too, where you’re happy and not thinking about marriage. It’s generally short, but I think it happens.
Post # 13
It’s nice to know there are others who feel the same as I do about this waiting game. Glad I’m not abnormal, lol.
Post # 14
DreamingBee, you are so cute! I totally agree with this. Heck, we should all write a book together. lol
Post # 15
Dear god this is spot on. I seem to only post my woes on here when I’m in phase 2 when everything in my mind is highly amplified and pretty much exagerated to the point where I am imagining things.
thanks for this!