- 7 years ago
While lurking it has helped me see that there are many out there. However I feel still alone with my situation and hope someone has some insight so I can realize if I’m waiting for all the wrong reasons.
November 2007 I left my Ex-husband and took our two daughters from FL to RI for good. It was a 7 year marriage that was going down the toilet and I held in for several years trying to “Fix” It was emotionally abusive and started to get physically abusive and that is now what I want my daughters to see so it turned a light on in my head that it also is not OK for me. (Moving forward my divorce was finally final this past April)
In Jan/Feb/Mar/April I was talking to my now SO who was going through his own dating dilemas (We went to HS together he was a year older)
In late April we met for a drink and I knew then that this was going to be a lengthy relationship. He is conservative in a sense… we did not have sex until June and in June of 2008 he told me he loved me. We did things with the kids etc. He came to everything with me and was over my apartment (I moved into my own place after living with my parents in August of 2008)
He moved into his own place August 2008 as well, in Sept. he was finally on the Fire Dept (His dream career)
He used to say things like, “I never like other people kids but I couldn’t imagine your kids not in my life I love them.” “One day uou will have nothing to worry about everything will work out” (Raising 2 kids on my own w/ no financial support from anyone but myself. In July the following year (2009) he told me he wanted to break up. He’s not ready for marriage not ready to include my kids into his life because they are not his. We went our separate ways for… 3 weeks…it was a very painful 3 weeks. Within 12 hours of the break up he was on Match.com and RI being a small state I knew who he was now talking to so I felt it wasn’t him who needed his time away from all relationships it was him not being all that into me…
He pursued me and the night I finally gave in he talked more about his feeling than I have ever heard before..How I make him feel etc. I told him I have reservations about dating you again because my kids and I love you and to be with me you need to be with all of us. It’s in or out but I don’t want the heartache.
Since tht night we have been together ever since and in our 2 1/2 year relationship I’ve grown to really see who he is as a person and what his personality entails.. some of the great stuff and the not so great…
He hates holidays/birthdays etc. He generally will respond with the “I don’t care” attitude. Understanding that side of him has helped me see the side of how he shows his love to me. When he has seen he has hurt me I can see that he is affected by it but he retreats within. We don’t flirt via text..everytime I initiate that he doesn’t respond.(Kind of frustrating) but the connection that he and I share is very strong. I know how he is feeling, thinking etc before he says anything.
In the same manner I know I’m the greatest thing he has ever had, I cook for him when he does come over (Now about 2x a week) I love watching sports with him, we joke and have the same sense of humor.
Now why all the background. I want a ring.
If I present this to him he will withdraw and clam up…I’ve put it off because even at 30 he just started his “career” 2 years ago. He has yet to save for anything (Car, House, Ring…LOL) His credit is poor to fair (Student loan default) and I think he has needed sometime on his own two feet for a bit.
In April of last year we went to FL (Keys) where I used to live for Vaca and at a restaurant a guy had just popped the question to his girlfriend and he looked at me and asked if that’s how I want him to propose. I answered immediately w/ Gee could be at McDonalds I don’t care…and laughed it off. Somehow we got into a brief conversation about Marriage etc..I said I’m 30 next year and if you want a child of your own I do not want to be on this path past 35 I want to of had “our child” by then. He laughed and said well we’ve been together for 2 1/2 lets call that three so in 7 more years we will get married..I said the kid thing again and he joked with well who says we need to be married first to have kids (I’m Irish Catholic and so isn’t his family this clearly would not work! LOL)
So less than a week later I bring this up and he was 1/2 asleep and muttered just live in the here and now (I was crushed) the following day his father came up from out of state (I absolutely love his family and all of them and they love my girls and I and my parents)
His father mentioned a triop to Ireland that he and the Mrs are planning for their 35th wedding anniversary and in front of his father he looks at me and says let’s put that into the plan and get married out in Ireland when they go…(After a few drinks he said that) I looked at his father and said you realize your son also suggested having kids first too. his father laughed.
A girlfriend of mine was with me and said wow for him to say this outloud is great, I do agree but let’s get going already..at least discussing it…I’m so hesitant to because he has a way of shitting down or being very sensitive to feeling pressure.
Present day I’ve asked him about when does he think him and I would move in his single word response was.. “Eventually”
So I’m growing obsessed and I want to curb the obsession try to get my mind off of it but in the same token since he is hard to talk to and I do not want to pressure how can I drop hints or get him motivated in to the conversation…or show him shit or get off the pot because I don’t want to go on this single road forever?
What tips/tricks have you done w/ your SO or for yourself?
If you made it through this long boring post thank you for the time! 🙂