The waiting game continues…

posted 5 days ago in Waiting
Post # 2
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

This sounds a little unbalanced. I would tell him youre not comfortable living in a 2 year limbo. That you respect his desire to “suprise” you but you want to be an active participant in your life, not an observer. I would say you are comfortable waiting xx months (whatever you feel ok with) and tell him if it goes beyond that you will feel very anxious about the future.

See if he is ok with shortening the timeline. If hes not, I would say the suprise is not worth it for all this unneccessary stress and push to have a more definite and transparent timeline. You arent a princess in a castle, youre a grown ass woman and you deserve to be treated as one.

Post # 4
76 posts
Worker bee

Absolutely not. He doesn’t get two more years. It’s already been too long!

Besides, it’s not up to just him to decide when you two move forward. He didn’t even ask your thoughts on his timeline? You have a right to say “No, two years doesn’t work for me.” He had four and a half years to surprise you- he needs to stop harping on about the “surprise” because it’s BS. After almost five years, no one will be surprised you guys would be getting engaged. Actually, the only surprise here is that he still hasn’t done it yet!

Look, he asked for your ring size and what you like. That’s a sign that he is about to start ring shopping. Getting a ring shouldn’t take more than 6 months max. I’d tell him the timeline YOU want and see what he says to that. If it were me, I’d give him the 6 months. If he balks at that, then you will know everything you need to know.

DO NOT give him two more years of your life before you even get engaged. If he takes that long just to get engaged I’d worry he’ll take forever to get married too. Don’t tolerate it. alybe :  

Post # 5
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Two freaking years??


I’m sorry, he’s stalling.


We moved to Germany a year a go and he said that he wanted to wait to see if it all worked out here before making any solid plans. 


What does whether or not it works out for you two in Germany have to do with whether or not you’re married?


I can’t think of any other reason than him stalling. I’m sorry.


I would tell him two years is a ridiculous amount of time to wait when he’s got no solid reason for waiting other than “surprising” you. Which is bullshit. He could give you a two week timeline and you still wouldn’t know what day it was on of that 14 day period and that would be enough of a surprise. Does he think that in a two year timeframe, you might forget that he told you he wanted to marry you and then be astounded when you’re presented with a ring? Honestly, the “I want it to be a surprise” is an insult to your intelligence. You’ve had the marriage discussion. There is no point now that a proposal would be coming completely out of left field.

Post # 8
2523 posts
Sugar bee

If you are “going crazy” your relationship is out of balance.

Don’t worry about”being surprised”. 

Don’t worry about the ring being “hard to find”.

If you love each other and you are seeking a balanced, loving comittment, none of that means anything.

If you are not able to have a comfortable give and take conversation about your future, one of you needs to wake up and smell the coffee.

Post # 9
7336 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m so used to not knowing when it’ll be that I’ve just accepted the uncertainty and I definitely shouldn’t.

No indeed. And it seems to me  there is far too much talk from him about ordering and return policies  and sizes and diffculties of finding and getting tokens and secrecy and the – to me- silly need for surprise  and whatnot and not enough talk about wanting to marry  you asap.   Let alone any  action towards it.

You have let him  take ownership of this relationship’s progress and  that is not right , you are not a passenger in his journey  Time  to clearly state your need and desires and wishes in the matter. His response will be your  guide as  to your  future steps. 

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