(Closed) The Waiting Game…

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

No. We didn’t really do it that way. We just decided we were going to get married then he gave me the ring for christmas.  We shopped a little together but he wanted to pick it out on his own.  I always imagined I would get proposed to, but when the time came around it just seemed silly.  It seemed wierd to try to suprise someone with a question that you have both already disscussed and know the answer to.  Although a few days later I did make him get down on one knee and do the "proposal thing".

 I have had two relationships before him that I thought were it, and they both ended after 3 years.  When he proposed we were together 5 years.  I was 29 and he was 35.

Post # 4
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You just need to relax.  It’s fine to look at weddingbee and other sites before you are engaged, but if it is starting to stress you out- then you need to take a break from it.  Try to just live in the moment and enjoy dating.  Also, do you really want to guess the day he is going to propose?  Wouldn’t you rather it be a suprise?  I wish I had thought about that advice before my guy popped the question b/c I almost ruined it with all my "are you doing it tomorrow?" annoyingness.  Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.  It will happen when the time is right and you can’t make that moment come any quicker by worrying about it.

 As for the ring thing, I told Fiance the cut I wanted (oval) and that the rest was up to him.  (I did give him a few examples of what I didn’t like)  I saved myself a lot of stress by not searching forever to find the perfect ring.  I love the ring because it’s beautiful, but also because he picked it out just for me.  (And the ring ended up being perfect for me…)  

Post # 5
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I totally understand how hard it is for it to be up in the air, especially since you’ve been discussing it so openly!  I remember just wanting to blurt out "but WHEN??!!!", but trust me, that’s no fun πŸ™‚  I think taytayalis is right, take a break, try to get it out of your mind and just enjoy being in the relationship.  Obviously since you’ve been shopping for a ring, it’s going to happen!  I managed to stop thinking about it, and sure enough, one weekend he proposed and I was COMPLETELY shocked!  It was great. 

Post # 6
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Very much agree with the above posters. WeddingBee is probably not the best place for you right now. The best thing to do is to use that nervous energy on your relationship. Find creative things to do together. Create unique experiences with each other. It’ll definitely encourage him to speed up his timeline and it keeps you from thinking about when the proposal will be.

Post # 7
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I absolutely agree.  When we decided that marriage was in the works, Fiance told me I should think seriously about what I wanted in a ring.  I shopped a little with a girlfriend, and then he and I went and looked at the rings I had liked.  I think this was a really good approach, as it allowed me to hate whatever I wanted – there was really no pressure to find something.  I finally decided that most of the commercially available rings were not me at all, and that we would have to have something custom made.  We shopped together for the stones, and commissioned the setting, and then I stopped paying attention… I didn’t even know when he picked up the finished ring.  I absolutely didn’t want to know when he would "officially" propose – as I wanted that to be a surprise, and so did he.  It worked out great, as I was completely taken by surprise (even though he had arranged a romantic weekend away, which was actually a birthday present). 

I think that it’s really waaaay to much stress for you to put yourself through at the moment, to obsess about when he’s going to ask.  I would just enjoy this time (before all the wedding planning craziness sets in) and honestly try to forget about it.  Save the bridal magazines and books and websites for after the proposal.

Post # 8
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I know its hard…I was in a sort of similar situation (but I am 29 and we’ve been together 4 years, gone to about 15 weddings together)…waiting for the proposal was really hard.  I am a slightly anxious person to begin with, so having that nervous/excited feeling was very stressful for me.  It actually caused a lot of petty fights between us before he proposed.  I had trouble thinking about anything else, but you just have to really refocus on other things.

What everyone above said is correct…take a deep breath and step away from the Bee, and the Knot, and Martha Stewart weddings, and all the rest.  All of it.  There is enough stress in wedding planning. Enjoy these moments of your relationship because things will change (mostly for the better) but remember it won’t ever quite be like this again. Embrace that.

As for the ring…if you don’t have your heart set on anything, just tell him you are sure you’ll love what he picked out.  Not because he magically will pick the ring you’ve dreamed of, but most importantly because he picked out for you. I told my Fiance that I liked square better than round and something classic but not common. I really like that people are impressed when they asked if he picked it out and I say yes, by himself.

Post # 9
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Obsessing about when he is going to ask and the other details of the proposal will take all of the fun out of it for you! It sounds like you are happy that you have found a great guy; focus on that as the wedding will come when the time is right!

Post # 10
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

I completely understand!

FH and I have been together for over 5 years. We’re 23 and 24, now.  About 6 months ago, he took me to see a ring he had picked out, and after the jewellery store staff made me try on a million rings, we picked something we both liked better. Then I spent 6 months worrying and wondering about the when, the where, the how. Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s, our anniversary, my birthday, all came and went. We talked often about when and where and how we might want to get married, but no proposal. Then last week, on a random Wednesday, the night before we were going to visit my extended family for a cousin’s wedding, he proposed. It was completely random and silly and perfect.

It was totally, completely worth the waiting and wondering. Try not to stress about it, even though I’m sure you won’t let it go completely (I didn’t!). It will happen when the time is right, and you’ll be so happy that the timeline won’t matter so much anymore. 

Post # 11
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I am young too.  Also 22 and my fiance and I have been dating for 5 years.  I am really picky and we went to a jewelry designer and designed the ring together.  I put elements of what I wanted and he did the same and the ring turned out gorgeous.  We are both really happy about it.  As for the waiting for him to pop the question, well just be patient try to take your mind off of it.  The more you get upset and impatient the more he is going to put it off. Don’t worry it will happen eventually, I promise.  How do you think I felt, they accidently called me first to let me know the ring was done last September (before my birthday about a week before).  I was thinking wow we are going up to the lake could it be there?  or we are going on vacation maybe it will happen now???  Then Christmas came we went on a minivaca…. nothing my mom was shocked, I was a wreck we got home Christmas eve.  Christmas day came we went to my aunts and two of my other cousins got engaged christmas morning.  I was crying in the bathroom of jealousy.  Christmas night at 1159 he popped the question by the tree sitting by the fire listening to christmas music. We buy eachother ornaments every year and he said did you find the other ornament on the tree?  there it was hanging on a branch (so sweet).  And the rest is history not just figuring out a date is the dilema.  Be patient and best of luck.

Post # 12
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

haha wow, our situations are so similar! my guy and i have been dating for a year and a half and have been talking seriously about marriage pretty much the whole time – we started dating with the intention of marriage. i am 21 and he is 26. we have always talked about getting married "when i graduate" – which now is under a year away! we have pretty much decided that august or september or 2009 would be ideal, and i have given him guidance about rings. so yeah, now im just waiting for the proposal so i can start planning!

yes, the waiting is very very hard. i know that my boyfriend is currently trying to save money, so i just have to be patient. sadly, however, some new details have been thrown into the mix (his roommates are moving, so he will have to find a new place to live and most likely pay more for rent which means harder to save money, etc etc) – so, it looks like things may be pushed back for us.

basically, my advice for you is this: allow yourself to dream, but don’t get too many exact plans/ideas set in your mind quite yet. i was so set on summer 2009, and with that date in mind, i feel we need to HURRY and get engaged. however, i need to force myself to take one thing at a time. i trust him that he wants to marry me and is doing everything he can to make it happen. so, when the proposal comes, we can take things from there – even if that means the wedding will be later than summer 09.

hopefully if you don’t see everything as a timeline like i’ve been doing you can enjoy this part of your relationship instead of going crazy. just think, he’ll only propose once, so wouldn’t you wanna give him time to make it amazing instead of rushing him?

Post # 13
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

oh man, I read so many other posts about girls who don’t like it when things are sexist; the readings, the oaths, throwing the bouquet to only single girls.

To me, sitting around and waiting for a man to ask you to marry you is incredibly sexist.  Why not buy him a ring and ask him to marry you?  Thats what my friend did.  And it has nothing to do with wanting to rush the relationship, they haven’t even set a date for the wedding yet.  They just wanted to make a commitment to the relationship.

 Why wait if it’s driving you crazy?  Seems way old school to me.

Of course, if you are dying for that "oh so romantic" moment when he "asks" you, waiting is probably your best option, but also some guys just suck at trying to make a romantic moment.

Post # 15
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh man. Anybody who doesn’t think you’re "okay" because you guys aren’t engaged is more than a little naive. Your response to her was absolutely perfect.

You’re exactly right when you say that the time will come when the time is right. It sounds like you guys have a great relationship right now and that you’re both simultaneously leading fulfilling, independent lives, and all of that contributes to the happiness and security that lead to engagement and marriage. I know it’s tough to wait (been there, done that), but it’s true when people say that you’ve got the rest of your lives to be together.

Taking a Weddingbee break is a great idea, in the meantime. Even engaged folks have to do that every once in a while to keep from going crazy, I think.

Good luck, and looking forward to seeing you come back, whenever it happens. πŸ™‚ 

Post # 16
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I hear ya! I can’t bear the waiting sometimes, although I do really LOVE surprises! My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together for nearly 11 years, and we went to check out rings several months ago. I just try not think about it because I know that it IS coming. I would say, though, that the best thing is focusing on the here and now. Enjoy those moments and smile just knowing that your relationship is wonderful even without the ring.

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