The waiting is making me insane.

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Is he a full-time student? Does he have a job? He might be wanting to wait until he is more financially stable. Do you guys live together? If you already graduated and the only one making money this might be a reason he wants to wait.

But I do understand you so much!!! I have known my Fiance for 2 years before we started dating, and then we dated for 1.5 years. The last few months before proposal were driving me so insane and I did push him some. But we are in our early 30s with very stable and good careers, so money was not a question

Post # 3
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Maybe ask about a timeline in which he sees you getting married. What he has said seems super vague. 

Post # 4
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

I can understand where you’re coming from. I’ve known my boyfriend for 12 years, dating for 4 and I’ve been ready to get engaged since our first anniversary. He has the ring and it will be happening soon for me, but realistically we needed other things to fall into place before we were actually in a position to get engaged and then married. Eg, I needed a stable job and we needed to move in together (for us, obviously these needs will be different for every relationship).

Sounds like you just need to have a conversation with him to at least work out a rough timeline or whether there are certain things that one or both of you want to happen first. He may want to finish his education and get settled into a job before he starts looking at engagement. It doesn’t mean he’s any less commited, or that it’ll make the waiting much easier, but at least you would have a better idea where you stand.

Post # 5
Member
7716 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it’s reasonable to have a serious and direct convo about where the relationship is headed at this stage. Most likely he just wants to finish his program before getting engaged…men are often like that (not able to cope with more than one big life thing at a time). But definitely discuss it with him…it’s your future too and you should know where his head is (in more concrete terms than “soon”).

Post # 6
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

blessedinthemidwest :  Agree with PPs. One of the strongest foundations a relationship can have is good, direct communication. No dropping hints, beating around the bush, etc. Just sit him down and calmly ask him what he sees for your future and what his timeline is.

Keep in mind that if his answer is one you dont like (what if he says 5 years?) that you have to be prepared to discuss both yours and his viewpoints to see what will work for you both as a couple. Talks like this are hard! Good luck!

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