Post # 1
Hi All —
Getting closer to my wedding (about 3 months away) and have finally squared away all the vendors, contracts and everything is ready to roll. At the very beginning of the wedding planning process (about a year ago), my fiance said that he was good with “whatever I wanted.” To keep him involved, I updated him as I was in the process of selecting vendors, shared price ranges with him and picked vendors letting him know how much we were paying each one. He didn’t want to be involved in the nitty-gritty details. I invited him to be involved each time, but he declined saying “go with whatever you want.”
Now that everything’s been put in motion, I showed him a spreadsheet today with all our vendors and final totals on everything. He is now completely sticker shocked. Now he says that if he’d known things would come to this much, he would’ve pushed towards elopement and that there’s so much we can do with that money instead of a “wedding” (house-wise). I’m completely taken aback & don’t know how to respond. He thinks that I have more than likely over-spent. Part of this is that he doesn’t really understand weddings and how expensive things are when you live in certain parts of the country and when DIY isn’t really an option.
Have any of you dealt with a similar situation with your fiances? I’d love some advice…I’m stumped on this.
Post # 3
Did you both discuss a final overall bugdet number you’d try to stick to before beginning planning?
Post # 4
Hi there — Yes, I ran bottom line totals by him months ago that related to scenarios (destination vs. local vs. 50 people vs. 150 people) and we picked the scenario that matched our budget. We are a little over that original figure, but not by much (less than 5% over).
Post # 5
my husband was clueless, clueless to how much things cost – what brought it home was my $5K flower budget when he honestly thought i would toddle off to the supermarket to pick up a bunch of $20 flowers to wrap a ribbon around for my bouquet
we did elope but more because neither of us wanted a party/wedding for our greek & italian families – hopefully your Fiance will see all the hard work, planning and money pay off for a beautiful and special day
Post # 6
Hmm, I’m not far enough along to be in your situation. I’d just remind him that you’ve kept reasonably to the overall budget, which he agreed upon. I’d also point out a few areas where you had discussed options and he approved a specific choice, and how that impacted the overall wedding. Overall, wedding budgets cause sticker shock at one point or the other, whether it’s the beginning or the end. Is there any chance think you’ll receive cash gifts that might defray a little of that cost? (That is my fond hope, but I expect it’s unrealistic, particularly as I won’t have a honeymoon registry or anything like that.)
I looked online at budgets, and tried to create one based on that, then punching in figures when we got them. So while I haven’t bought my dress, flowers, etc., before signing on a venue I have detailed excel charts on the options and include: room rental, appetizers, salad, dinner, dessert, coffee, any rentals/cleaning charges. (I still need to call for bus rates.) I showed the four venue options to my fiance and based on that, we narrowed it down to two. He was horrified at the budget totals, and quized me about where I got the various estimates, but because they had thought behind them, he’s accepted as reasonable. (Well, realistic, not reasonable!) That’s helped us recognize that we want to keep the numbers down in order to keep the wedding affordable, because we’re not willing to compromise and not have an open bar (and a partial open bar doesn’t save much). Obviously this isn’t something you can do.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone. Its good to know my fiance’s not the only one that’s suffered from sticker shock. He’s come to terms with it and ended our last conversation about it with: “Now that I think about it, we really do deserve to do something nice for ourselves and our families.”
So I guess all’s well that ends well 🙂
Post # 8
We had set a budget before hand too, and we kept totals going throughout, and Fiance was reasonably involved. It is a LOT to spend in one day and although our final total is not in, I think we will end up going 10 – 15 % over budget, but after it was all said and done, it was totally worth it. It was such a beautiful day with friends and family!! Good luck!