(Closed) The week after – a totat disappointment – help! (long post)

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

hmmmm….yeah it does sound wierd, but everyone’s libido is different.  he may be stressed about work or genuinely tired.  i now since my new husband took on a few more projects. “twister” has tappered off some, just because he’s working like 11 hours a day.  he may just be wierded out about ‘doing it’ in your parents house.  whenever we go visit my parents, I can never bring myself to do it.

have you tried to initiate?  sexy under?  have you brooched the subject with him?

Post # 4
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

I think you should talk to him.  maybe he has some feelings he’s not sharing. 

Post # 5
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You could just be going through a dry spell… I would talk to him about it. During our engagment we had a bit of a drought and it lasted until about two weeks after the wedding. I was beginning to freak out because we had sex only once on our honeymoon, and I thought it was totally odd, honeymoons are supposed to be about sex right? But now six weeks later, we’re back into the swing of things. Sometimes the stress of planning a wedding, and in my husbands case, planning a honeymoon, get’s to your libido. Talk to him and let him know how you feel.

Post # 6
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I agree with northerazbride about the sex thing. Weddings are stressful for both the bride and groom. I’ll be honest, we’ve both talked about it, and we’re okay with not having a ton of sex on our honeymoon. We’re not having a ton now, and we’re very open about it and we both agree that it’s just the stress of planning the wedding, and a few other things that have gone wrong over the past few weeks. We started talking about the honeymoon, and we both looked at each other and said, “I want to make SLEEP a priority on our honeymoon!” Haha. I know we’ll get back into the swing of things after it’s all over. It probably takes time to adjust, but talking about it is key.

However, it does concern me that he chooses spending time with his friends over you. That’s definitely odd, and I’m not sure what could explain that. I would suggest that you guys set-up a weekly date night. Ours is every Friday and we never miss it (unless we have friends and family in town or something). That way, no matter how hectic things get, you guys will always have one date a week, and couples really need that to stay connected.

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Is he depressed?

Post # 8
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That is a bit odd but nothing you can’t overcome.  I’m not one to spend too much time wondering, I’d ask.  I bet its just residual stress from the wedding.  It takes everyone time to unwind.  Also, maybe he isn’t happy about living in your parents house?  It’s great that they’re so accomodating but I’m sure its not ideal, could he be internalizing those feelings?  All in all, you’ll have to have another talk.  Just try not to let it escalate into fight (easier said then done, I know). 

Good luck :o)

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think these informal company parties with no SO’s thing is really weird. What company doesn’t encourage your spouse to come?? What kind of party was that? Strange

I think you literally need to sit him down and say “listen…we gotta talk” and let him know he’s abandoning you and you are worried about all the partying he’s doing.

My guys’ friends aren’t always super chatty to me. They say hello and are cordial, but it’s not like, “hey ejs, i’mma sit with you and chat”.

But, you know, it COULD be the parents’ house that’s causing problems. No matter how cool/laid back/whatever your parents are, it always feel different to be “the spouse” living with the in-laws. It’s hard to see when it’s your own parents. Maybe he feels emasculated or annoyed in general and wants away? It all sounds like there is something going on underneath it all.

Post # 11
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I agree, these company get-togethers sound really odd. Relationships are about balance. It’s fine that he wants to spend time with his buddies and everything… but not at the expense of your happiness and sense of security in the marriage. You two are married now and you should really be at the tippy top of his priority list. Do you feel like the issues you were having before the wedding have been resoloved? You said you were fighting a lot and he began to withdraw, does it feel the same now? or does it feel worse?

Post # 12
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

I just thought I would throw out there that my husband started hanging out with his friend more just before the wedding and after. His friend was the best man and involved in the wedding so they got together to discuss things and of course hang out. They reconnected (not that they ever fell apart, just they’d go awhile without catching up) because of the wedding and now hang out more often. Maybe that could be something of the case? What if you went out with your friends sometimes? Maybe he’s a bit put off by you wanting to be with him so often that it makes him resist more. I do that with some things too, resist the more my husband pushes. If left otherwise to myself, I generally end up doing what it is he was asking about, just at my own pace.

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