The white dress debate

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1202 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think the colored dress trend is popular enough to make it suddenly ok for people to wear white. It’s still very much the exception, not the rule. I’ve been to close to 40 weddings and in every single one, the bride has worn white. 

Post # 3
6905 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I can see this going two ways: either people will stop caring what their guests wear unless it’s a full on wedding gown, or all neutral shades will be off limits. I hope it’s the first as it’s silly.  No one cares if a suit matches the groom.

I have worn off-white before… on the cusp of internet shopping actually being a feasible thing, it was the only non-hideous dress that fit on short notice. I had no idea it would be hard to find a decent dress as I don’t wear them on the regular. Bride didn’t mind. She is divorced now but not because the groom got confused 😉

Post # 4
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

I think this is really something that is dependant on the particular bride, the style of the white dress in question, who the person is, and what their intentions are, etc.

However, I couldn’t tell you now if anyone wore white to my wedding, and it wasn’t even that long ago. 

Post # 5
2147 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
citizenerased14 :  if what I’ve seen here is any reflection of the real world, most brides don’t care if a guest wears white—it’s usually the judgy-ass guests…

for instance, when people ask the dreaded “is this okay to wear to a wedding” question, I provide my advice with the snide remarks of other wedding guests in mind rather than imagining an irate bride who feels like her thunder is being stolen!

Post # 6
71 posts
Worker bee

I think wearing a “non-traditional” colored wedding dress is when you have to accept that a guest might wear the same color as you. 

Most guests understand they shouldn’t wear white to a wedding. Now that brides are wearing blush, gray, blue, silver, black, red, etc. there’s too much variation to further restrict a guests clothing options. 

It’s my personal opinion that aside from dress code (telling guests it’s black tie, etc.) further restricting their clothing is a bit much. 

Post # 7
62 posts
Worker bee

I think there are so many other colors a person could wear, it isn’t worth picking white, the one “traditional” color. Even if the bride wears blush or creme, I wouldn’t want to be the distracting guest who other guests felt the need to gossip about because even if the bride doesn’t care, it will undoubtedly draw attention from other attendees. 

Post # 8
432 posts
Helper bee

I think it will become a thing if the past.  There is very much an ‘American’ bias to this site and clearly it is a big issue.  However it the UK you often see people in white, cream and ivory dresses. And certainly white with floral – most people I know would think it mad to judge someone for wearing a white floral dress to a summer wedding!

Post # 9
923 posts
Busy bee

I hope to god the trend of thinking it’s ok to limit or co trip what adults can wear (much mess being wrapped up in others clothing choices) will die. Good riddance.

Post # 10
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Yea I give a big side eye to people that get so upset when someone wants to wear a white dress with a color or pattern on it.  Like really, who is really going to mistake that guest for the bride?!.  Unless someone is wearing a floor length white dress who cares! 

Post # 11
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I don’t think any of us can decide if it’s ok or not since none  of us know the bride. It’s going to differ from bride to bride so I’m always in the camp of you can literally wear anything else why is it so hard to not wear white for this one day. 

Post # 12
3883 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I think (and hope) worrying about guests wearing white is a tradition that will die. I think it’s silly. As others mentioned, the number of brides not wearing white is increasing. On top of that, no one is going to see a guest in a white dress and mistake them for the bride. This is a useless tradition.

Post # 13
1265 posts
Bumble bee

There was a bee on here who wore blush. So she emailed her entire guest list forbidding anyone to wear pink basically. As long as no one else is wearing a blatant wedding dress, who cares?! I think it’s just a very insecure mentality. 

Post # 14
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

I didn’t wear a big white ball gown for my wedding, I wore a little lace tea dress from amazon. I wasn’t mad that other people also wore lace, or dresses of a similar length.

But, and this is a big but,

it’s a culturally accepted point that you don’t wear white. Period. At least, not in the US. The only people I know who have actually worn white to a wedding are either doing it to be recalcitrant (“I just bought this dress and I look HOT, dammit!” says the college-aged cousin no one cares about) or to be intentionally shadey (“Monster in Law wearing white” is a huge cliche at this point.) When I see someone wearing white at a wedding, I assume they’re doing it specifically to be a dick unless mitigating factors would indicate otherwise (they’re not from the US, etc).

“It’s tradition” and “This is how it has always been done” are stupid reasons to do thing, generally speaking. But for something like this, where you  could really seriously hurt someone’s feelings? Or draw a lot of gossipy attention to yourself? Just. Don’t. 

Post # 15
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2020 - Round Rock, TX

View original reply
citizenerased14 :  Although it is definitely outdated that white is a purely bridal color, I think it is still very rude for someone to wear white to a wedding. And the whole “is this too white?” thing is crap. If you have to ask, you know it is. 

Even if that specific bride does not care, many brides would be offended so I think it is a safe assumption that the bride in question would be. Just in case. Not only that, but guests will judge too. I don’t side with many old wedding traditions (for instance, I hate bouquet and garter tosses), but I would definitely be annoyed if someone wore white to my wedding, given that it is the ONE day that me being in white is actually significant.

I just don’t understand why people can’t find ANY another color to wear on that ONE day. Literally any other color is fine. Even if it is an old tradition, let the bride be the only one in white! Unless she has asked guests to all wear white or something. There’s so many other colors to choose from, I just don’t understand why people have to make a big fuss about deciding on whether or not a dress is “too white” or not. Just pick another color ffs. 

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors