Post # 1
Okay Ladies, your help is greatly appreciated here.
His Family is all I mean ALL Lutheran, and I was never raised that way. I am a Christian and have been for most of my life, but in a “non-denominational” “Assemblies of God” “pentocostal” kind of way, and the closer we get to our wedding the more I realize the differneces.
His family is driving me nuts! I love them and they mean well, but I don’t think that having things like the unity candle in a differernt color than white is offensive! Is that a fairly regular theory? that EVERYTHING the bride touches needs to be white? I am not a meek or mild or reserved girl in anyway, and really other then my dress (which is ivory) NOTHING in my wedding is going to be white….
(side note.. to demonstrate the extent of the “white obbsession”… when my Fi’s sister got married last year their aunts took the blue table runner OFF of the brides table after it had been set up, becuse it wans’t pure white, and the bridal table needed to be all white!)
I don’t want to make enemies of his family, but I want to be true to myslef and myself isn’t WHITE! I believe god made me who I am and that I shouldn’t hide my bright personality to fit the mold of a bride… “pure” “innocent”.
if any of you have gone through this please let me know, I am at the end of my rope trying to defend myself from the people who will be my family in 7 months.
ps they aren’t happy my mom is walking me down the aisle either but that is a post for another day…
Post # 3
Can you and your fiancee sit down with his parents and explain that your wedding is a reflection of your personalities, and you do not need everything to be white to express that? As you probably know “white” weddings were a product of the late Victorian Era and are not a necessary reflection of religous piety.
Post # 4
Oh my goodness I cannot believe that they took the runner off of the table? That is really not very nice. We are both religious and find freedom in that not constraint. I am wearing ivory and I am a virgin so I think it is silly to say that a bride needs everything to be white for purity reasons. I guess I will leave them guessing then haha. Ask them to show you where in scripture it tells you what color the unity candle and bouquet should be haha.
Post # 5
Oh wow! I feel for you…..
I had an issue with the IL’s b/c they thought the flower girl had to wear a white dress. I insisted it was my wedding and I didn’t want her in white, they had a fit but they got over it and now love the dress I picked out for the Flower Girl.
Post # 6
This is definately not a Lutheran deal, I am lutheran so I would have to say it is more of a traditional the family thinks the bride and everything bridal is to be white for pure/virginal.
Post # 7
I find the table runner thing comical, because blue has traditionally been the color of purity (that’s why you see Mary wearing blue in most paintings). Nothing HAS to be white; white as a symbol of purity was a concept introduced by Queen Victoria (in the Victorian era). Before that, wedding dresses and the like tended to be colored because white was not practical for everyday wear.
These people sound like they’re being crazycakes, and I’m sorry you have to deal with it. As I said, nothing “has” to be white–it’s up to the bride and groom and their preferences. God will not strike you dead if you have a blue (or, heaven forbid, a lime green) table runner or if your unity candle isn’t white or if your dress isn’t white.
Post # 8
i personally think the dress is the only thing that NEEDS to be white – but thats my opinion – white dress just screams bride anything else though i say throw it out the window. who doesnt love color?
my husbands family is pretty traditional in all aspects of life but it was our wedding and i wanted to do it how i wanted to do it – which for me was not covering my shoulders in the catholic chruch (oooh nooo my tattoo was showing eek!) didnt care….
i wore red shoes! which his family was stunned by but actually loved – they said it was so me. but nothing else listed above was white for me – except the candle, but that was provided by the church so i didnt pick it out.
at the same time i didnt want to offend anyone and im not the kind of bride that was all me me me so i really did try and take their traditional ways into consideration. nothing i did was shocking, just different.
Post # 9
If they bring up the purity thing, say this, “We’re going to let our lives be the testament of our faith, and we’re going to let our table runners just be table runners.”
Post # 10
The only thing in my opinion of my own wedding that NEEDED to be white was my dress. For someone else’s wedding there is NOTHING that needs to be white! I dont care if you get married in a blue dress holding pink flowers with green table runners and a pink cake. Its YOUR Wedding so therefore I will respect what you (the couple) has chosen! How rude of his parents to be so controlling! How could they be mad about yor mom walking you down the aisle? Thats ridiculous too. I would just tell them that while you appreciate their opinion you dont feel that an all white wedding truly reflects you and your Fiance.
Post # 11
@jedeve – that’s perfect.
Post # 12
Jedeve, haha that is exactly what she should say.
Post # 13
I agree with sassygrn, I’m a Minnesota Lutheran too (well, I was raised Lutheran) and this isn’t a Lutheran thing at all. I think his family just doesn’t have much of an idea of how fun and colorful weddings can be these days. Do your own thing and I’ll bet they come around and love it in the end.
Post # 14
Its all personal preference of the bride and groom. I don’t think anything needs or be white, or if it is the preference of the bride and groom everything can be white.
I may wear a white dress, but that all depends on what I find that I love. My unity candle will probably be white or ivory, but that is just because that’s what I have seen that I have liked.
Post # 15
As followers of Christ, we live according to God’s Word. That’s our standard.
Yes, the bride is a reflection of Christ: pure and holy and that’s where the white comes in (in context, it’s more about our inner self than our outer self). No where in the Bible does it say everything wedding-related must be white. Do you think people in the Old Testament wore white? Probably not. Society has made so many wedding rules…that aren’t really rules at all, just preferences.
I love this verse in 2 Corinthians 5:9 “We make it our aim to please Him.” As long as what is worn is modest and what is done brings honor to God, you’ll be fine. As for bringing color into it: look at the world He has created! It abounds with myriads of such breathtaking colors!
I’d say ROCK THAT COLOR! : )
Post # 16
Brightyellowgaloshes I like what you said very much.