- 4 years ago
- Wedding: March 1998
I have two SILs. In this case, I’m speaking specifically about my brother’s wife. I’ve never liked the woman. I’ve tried to include her in discussions and she just stares (seriously, she usually will not talk. You ask her something, and the answer – if it comes – comes out of my brother’s mouth). I’ve made efforts to send her thoughtful gestures – cards, gifts, for various things. Holidays, when a childhood pet of hers died, etc. She either doesn’t acknowledge it or addresses it in a very..snippy way (“That wasn’t necessary, but thanks.”) I’m assuming in those cases it’s because my brother has prodded her into saying something, so it comes off very…yeah.
In any case, she very recently gave birth to my nephew. For ages prior to his birth, he was called by a particular nickname (even by the parents). When I saw a picture of him posted on Facebook, I mindlessly used said nickname along with several compliments (He looks so tall in this picture!).
“He IS tall, and that’s NOT his name. Even your brother thinks so.”
So, when she does talk, she’s a bitch. All this required was sending me a message (or IGNORING it) and saying, “Hey, everyone keeps calling him (blank) and I really want them to call him (blank) now.”
I’ve sat here for a while thinking I’d be silent, but she’s pulled shit like this numerous times over the years. I thought about just saying, “The intent in saying that was not to offend you. I’m sorry that’s what happened.” Of course I’d really rather write, “Why are you such a bitch all of the time?”
I hate seeing her over the holidays and feeling like this woman has all of the cards because I don’t want to “offend” her or “offend” my brother. Sure, I want a relationship with my nephew, but unfortunately for years to come having one is going to involve her.
Is there a tactful way to address this stuff, or should I, despite being angry, find a way to distract myself and let it all go? I get tired of her coming off aggressive toward my family (and it IS aggression – she’s openly admitted to me that she hates my parents and most of my family in the past. I suspect that also extends to me, but at that particular time, she felt safe to address it about the rest).
Part of me thinks that if she was called out in a direct but polite way, she’d knock this crap off. I know I’m stuck with her (in some capacity or another), but I also want to make the most of it. I’ve been too kind to this woman.
So – what would you do? I realize this particular incident is petty, but today, it’s “over the edge” for me.