(Closed) The woes of traveling for work

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 2
Member
797 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

My hubby travels quite a bit for work. As in he can be gone for a month…or last year he was gone for 6 months at a time…

What really works for us is to have planned communication. Every night that he is able, he calls me and we spend about an hour on the phone. Just chatting about our day, etc.

When his first job meant he was going to be gone for 28 days in a row, we sat down and decided on our ‘phone’ schedule. Every night is what I wanted initially, as I was lonely and missed him. Several years later, even though I tell him he can change the schedule if he wants to, he still insists on calling every night. It’s become our thing, and makes us both feel connected when he can’t be here physically.

Now every night might be too much, but the point is that you’ll feel better if you have a set schedule. You’ll look forward to talking, and you’ll likely feel more connected.

Even sending silly texts helps.

 

Post # 4
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

As the PP said, communication is key so phone calls or face time regularly helps big time! Also, I am not sure what your work/vacation situation is like, but often times when people travel for my company they take their spouses and/or children along with. The company pays for one flight and the hotel along with meals for the employee, so the spouse only needs to pay for their own flight and meals (or split meals that can be expensed). So if you could get a week vacation or something you and your future child could travel with him. 

I had a coworker spend 3 months in Germany, and he took his wife with him because she was not working and just finished school at the time. Although she had to either hang out in the hotel alone or wander the city / shop while he was at work, they had evenings and weekends available to enjoy Europe together! Essentially a half price vacation. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
8209 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I only travel lightly for work, but my boss travels pretty heavily. Besides all of the communication and whatnot, think of the positives – POINTS. My boss takes his wife + kid on a 2 week vacation every year in feb. Hotel, entirely paid for with points. Flights, entirely paid for with points. That doesnt even include their regular vacations, thats only their ‘free’ one.

If your H doesnt have a points card, tell him to get on it!

Post # 6
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
jellybellynelly :  Going to second the points!! I travel a lot for work too, and we got our entire honeymoon stay in Maui for free with Marriott points!

Post # 8
Member
2157 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’d be super concerned about TTC during this travel time. Does he get to choose the week he travels? If not, it’s probably going to make trying very difficult. We’ve missed a few months because of travel and when you’ve been trying for over a year, it is so hard to waste valuable time.  You could be one of the lucky ones that get pregnant quickly, but if not, it would be increasingly frustrating to me as months go on that you miss out on because he is not home. I’d broach that topic with him and see his reaction. I don’t think I would tell him to get a different job, but he should know all the potential downsides to staying where he is.  

Post # 9
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

My Fiance travels Monday-Thursday and returns home Thursday night every week. He’s at a company that this will likely be his schedule to some degree, however he is a consultant and moves to different sites. In the past he’s gone to Hawaii and was gone a full 7-8 days but was then home for three full weeks. I’ve posted on here before, as I had discussed the pros and cons of having a family with essentially only one parent home most days. For us (now any ways… no kids getting married in September) we’ve decided to try and make it work. Fiance makes a very good salary which affords us a comfortable lifestyle. It will also ensure I can stay home and raise kids which is a preference for the both of us. As PP have said, the points are a huge perk! We’re doing two weeks in Italy with everything paid for (hotels, flights). I also get to travel with him as PP have said and was able to do so more when I was in graduate school. But I’m the future while the kids are young I imagine I would pick up traveling with Fiance as we both enjoy travel and get to do so “on the company” so to say! 

 

The loneliness is tough… friends and family have no idea how I manage. To be completely honest I’m so busy with work, chores, friends, gym, I’m in bed at 8:30PM ready to fall asleep! I love Fiance so very much but I’ve always been independent so it really doesn’t bother me. But we do text throughout the day and chat on the phone once or twice Monday-Wednesday. Also my Fiance is fantastic in the sense that when he’s home he’s so down to hang out, do fun things and be involved which is awesome! I feel fortunate to have someone who enjoys doing things and tolerates my excursions out shopping, hiking, farmers market etc. My ONLY complaint is we don’t have any pets and I’ve always grown up with a dog in the house. Fiance is adamant we don’t want to get a dog right now as it’s our “last free summer” with no responsibility as we’re going to TTC ASAP. I agree in that sense, however I sleep 1000000x better with my Fiance home. If I had a cat or dog I could blame all the little noises on them ;). If I didn’t work full time I would be more adamant to get one but seeing how Fiance travels I would be managing the puppy while working full time. Good luck OP! 

Post # 11
Member
436 posts
Helper bee

I don’t have many words of encouragement, but I just thought I would jump in and say I feel your pain. My FH is a traveling railroad mechanic (meaning for the rest of his career he will be gone M-F every single week) and it’s tough to plan for the future. Right now I don’t mind it at all because like a PP said…I work 7-3:30 M-F and after work I tan, cook myself supper, clean, and go to the gym, then it’s bedtime.  Plus I have a dog that I take on random advenures and she’s a 100lb Golden Retriever who sleeps on FH’s side of the bed like a human…straight up and down, head on the pillow, everything 🙂  So it always feels like there’s someone in bed with me which helps. 

We are getting married in 2 months and plan on TTC right away as we’re both 28 and want a large family.  He makes good money and I mean, railroad retirement (need I say more?) so he plans to stick with his job but the closer we get to TTC the more I’m freaking out.  I will essentially be a single mom for the rest of my life.  I will be the only parent able to take the kids to the DR (thank god my job would understand…I think), I will be the only one there to drop them off and pick them up from daycare/school (not sure how flexible my hours will be so this could be interesting), the only one home at night to help with homework, pack lunches, go to ball games…etc.  It’s terrifying to think about! 

It was super hard when we first got our puppy..she didn’t sleep through the night for almost a year and my lanta was I exhausted from being woken up every few hours for that long.  Our “solution” was that since I was her only caregiver during the week, I was essentially off duty on the weekends.  So from Friday to Sunday every single week I refuse to let her out.  If she has to potty I will find FH in the house and say “your turn, it’s the weekend” lol. Not sure that will exactly work with kids, but I’m sure we’ll come up with some sort of compromise!

Post # 13
Member
785 posts
Busy bee

GIRL! This is my life right now too! My husband works for a consulting firm and he travels alot. To be fair, I work evening shift in a hospital lab right now so even when he isn’t traveling we are still on opposite shifts. It was hard at first but I feel like now we are so used to it that it doesn’t bother me as much. Also I have incredible trust in my husband and he’s never given me a reason to not feel okay with him traveling. If anything, it probably makes him MORE mushy gushy about me than if he were hanging out with me 24/7. LOL I have thought about when we do TTC how this will all work… hopefully I would be in a day shift position at that point. I have also thought about the whole “single parent” issue as well and for right now this position is so good for his career that I am just trying to be supportive. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it (still a few years out for us) but he agrees with me that the traveling would need to calm down on his end. We did get lucky and he just traveled for the first time this week after being on a local project since January… so I am a little spoiled right now!  

Post # 14
Member
2028 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My travel schedule is similar to your husband’s — on the road for 2-5 days at a time, 2-3 times a month. The trips themselves aren’t that long and nowhere interesting, so definitely not worth my husband ever coming along (he works full time as well). Honestly, I’m so busy when I’m traveling that we rarely speak on the phone, just send some texts or emails throughout the day. My husband stays plently busy at home — weekly board game night with friends, keeping up with his own hobbies, and taking care of the pets. It’s not always ideal, but it could definitely be worse.

So my advice to you would be to deal with the nights alone by trying a new activity (art class, fitness class), indulging the the TV shows you like to watch alone, and organize a get-together with friends if they’re available! Traveling husband or no, doing things after work during the week makes the time go by much more quickly!

Post # 15
Member
785 posts
Busy bee

And yes the points, we used points to stay free in Hawaii on our honeymoon and we also did a spontaneous trip to Florida on points (free flights and hotel). So that definitely is a bonus right now! 

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