Post # 1
Is anyone else feeling this way?
I am not an assertive, take-charge woman by any means. However, I keep having this fear that if I ask too much of people or if I ask someone to do something I am going to be viewed as a “Bridezilla”. It is this term that I keep hearing, and though no one has said it to me, I hear all the time about how a bride is being a “bridezilla” and I think I have been doing so much not to become that, that I’ve actually been afraid to say what I want or to ask what I need from people.
I am a firm believer in that bridesmaids are there to help you, but also that you should make things as easy for them as possible. I let my bridesmaids pick their own dresses from David’s Bridal and offered to pay that day if they weren’t able to. I always check in to make sure they are okay for money when wedding stuff comes up and keep reiterating that if they have any problems to come to me. I try not to bring up wedding stuff too often and before anything, I always ask them about their lives first. I really have been trying to avoid coming off as a “Bridezilla” as much as possible, but I feel like even doing these things it’s hard to.
For example. the other day one of my bridesmaids told me how she was going to tell her hairdresser to do her hair on the day of the wedding. I felt awful when I had to remind her that I had got a hotel for all of us to stay in the night before the wedding and that I was hoping that we could go and get our hair done together. She seemed fine with it, but at the same time I felt awful. I know a couple of my bridesmaids aren’t very into weddings at all, and they have been so incredibly supportive. I hate feeling as if I’m being “bossy” or as the dreaded word comes up again, like a “bridezilla”.
Does anyone else feel this way?? What do you tihnk Bees?? Keep in mind, I am a pretty sensitive person by nature, so that could factor in.
Post # 3
Yes, you do sound like a very sensitive person. I read your post and don’t see anything in it that you should feel awful about. Perhaps what you should do is SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS. It’s really a matter clearly communicating your needs and wants to your BMs. This way, everyone knows what they are signing up for and no one has to worry about last minute surprises, feeling bad about making a request, holding people to their commitment, etc.
I’m a straightforward communicator but I am also a sensitive person. If you approach it correctly and are clear about what you are expecting of people, you can still be a lovely bride-to-be and get all the help you need without offending anyone.
Oh and ease up on feeling awful and apologizing so much. Seriously, it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything terrible so don’t be a doormat.
Post # 4
@LilRhodyGem: I think that is definitely a good way to approach it, and I have actually been pretty okay with doing that. I think it’s just the “Bridezilla” stories that I keep hearing that make me extra careful not to let anyone slap that label on me.
Do you or do any other Bees feel afraid of this label sometimes?
Thank you so much for your response! 🙂
Post # 5
I think that if you really were a Bridezilla then you wouldn’t be worried about coming across as one. All the truly entitled brides that fit that description are blissfully self-important and wouldn’t give a jot for the opinions of anyone unfortunate enough to be involved with their weddings!
Post # 6
@stephanie1989: I think there is a balance between aggressive (bridezilla) and passive – you want to aim for assertive. Telling your bridesmaid you’d like to all get ready together is fine, and it sounds like if she had some pressing reason to get ready by herself you would have been fine with that. I do think that sometimes words like Bridezilla can be used to keep women in their place.
Post # 7
@stephanie1989: I don’t worry about the label, no. My friends and family know my personality and spirit. They know that I’m a nice person with a good heart who likes to be organized. Typically, my organization favors everyone because we’re all on the same page. Sometimes however, I do come across bossy and I’m usually set straight.
I’m not a bridezilla and I don’t plan to be a bridezilla. I will however continue to be a direct person and vocalize my wants and needs in a respectful manner. Assert! Assert! Whether it’s your wedding or your job or your relationship! If people don’t know what you need or want or are expecting, you are certain to be left hanging sometimes.
Post # 8
I’m at the point in my process where I’m TRYING to be nice, but dammit I paid a LOT of money for this so if someone wants to start fucking around at this point I SURE AS HELL will go off on them.
Luckily my fiance is handling most of the crap now, but there are a few people who I could seriously just… I don’t know, bite or whatever dinosaurs do to people.
Go Jurrasic Park on.
If someone wants to call me a Bridezilla, sure fine do it – but there’s a HUGE chance that I patiently and kindly gave you tons and tons of opportunities to make whatever the issue is right and you totally flaked out. So if I’m a Bridezilla, they’re a Flake.
Anyway, they might as well call me a bitch, it’s not like popping on the white dress requires a different name for it.
You’re allowed to want (and get!) what you want as long as it’s within reason.
It’s just one day – people don’t need to be incredibly difficult about it.
[ETA] And just for clarification, my wedding is 9 days away and for some reason there are a few people (bridesmaids, mostly) who are starting drama NOW. I don’t get it, I don’t really care, but it’s also not their wedding so they aren’t running this show.
They can get this way at their OWN weddings. I would prefer mine to be drama-free.
So if I sound like a horrible person, sorry… I just don’t want amy drama llamas anymore. :/
Post # 9
I think it’s a misogynistic term frequently used to dismiss and minimize women who have priorities and goals and dare to speak their minds. I don’t like the word and I don’t use it.
That being said, this idea that a wedding is all about YOU YOU YOU and it’s YOUR day and you can do whatever you want and to hell with everyone else is also a toxic theme that needs to be banished. It feeds into this bridezilla concept and encourages women to think it’s perfectly ok to act abusive toward friends and family. It’s not ok, and nobody should put up with it.
But you can draw boundaries without using the term.
Post # 10
I think the difference between a bride and a bridezilla is the ability to tell her “nope”.
You want people to help decorate your reception hall? Cool. You scream at them because they’re too busy? Not cool.
You want your very best friend to throw you a bridal shower? Cool. You pout because she’s going to be 9 months pregnant and she can’t? Not cool.
It’s fine to ask your friends to make sacrifices and do stuff for you, as long as you give them the option to refuse.
Post # 11
@CakeyP: “If someone wants to call me a Bridezilla, sure fine do it – but there’s a HUGE chance that I patiently and kindly gave you tons and tons of opportunities to make whatever the issue is right and you totally flaked out. So if I’m a Bridezilla, they’re a Flake.”
This exactly. I still have 79 days until the wedding (countdown app on the phone), but I just KNOW I’m going to have my “bridezilla” worthy moments. There are certain people who are very close to me due to blood who I try to gently remind about things that they said they would do, but they haven’t been done and it’s been a month (currently).
Post # 12
I think the word “bridezilla” is overused. It’s not ridiculous to think that your bridesmaids would want to help you with your wedding – it’s a big event in your life and your bridesmaids are presumably your best friends! You seem to be taking them into consideration, so I don’t think you’re asking too much.
To me, a “bridezilla” is someone who abandons her friends and becomes incredibly selfish because it’s her wedding. Not hers and her fiance’s, but hers.
Post # 13
I agree with everything that has been said so far. I think sometimes it is a term that is used too loosely, but I also think that you need to treat everyone around you with respect and appreciation, whether you are a bride or not. 🙂