Post # 1
I don’t know where else to turn… I’m hoping some of you have some words of advice, encouragement or have been through something similar. We have been planning our wedding for almost a year now, and the date is just about a month away.
A couple months ago, my FI’s dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, which has spread to the liver and brain. It came as a shock to everyone, and the family is trying to deal with it. My Fiance seems ok for now, but I don’t think he understands how serious this is.
I feel absolutely horrible for them, also worried now about the wedding. I hate that our wedding is going to be a burden to them at a time like this, and I also can’t help thinking about the worst, what if. There hasn’t been much communication with his family about what might happen, they are going on as planned. But I feel like some discussion needs to take place, but we just can’t bring ourselves to bring it up 🙁
I can’t fathom having the wedding if something were to happen, but I also can’t handle not having it either…postponing would mean putting our lives on hold for at least another year (we’ve been dating for 9 years)… and we would lose a TON of money, this is just a nightmare.
I am just so stressed out about this, and can’t believe this is happening to us 🙁 Please keep the family in your prayers…
Post # 3
I don’t really have any advice, and I’m not sure that you’re looking for any, but HUGS to you.
Post # 4
@europomme: honey this is a dreadful time for you all. do you have insurance for the wedding? i think right now you can only take it one day at a time thought and prayers are with you x
Post # 5
I didnt even know there was wedding insurance 🙁 So no, we don’t… my Fiance says we will go on with the wedding if something were to happen, but I just don’t know how, and I think this is something that the whole family should decide… there is just no easy way to bring it up without looking selfish, and the last thing I want to do is hurt them at a time like this 🙁
Post # 6
I am so sorry for you and your Fiance and his family.
How ill is his Dad right now? Is he hospitalized? Can you talk to the vendors and move the wedding up? Most vendors, if they have an opening will do everything they can to accomodate clients in this situation.
Post # 7
Since you don’t have wedding insurance, I would go back and re-read your contracts with your vendors or if you feel comfortable, ask them.
Post # 8
Thanks… he’s at home, and a nurse comes in just to help make him feel comfortable. He just seems to be getting worse quickly, and I don’t know if the doctors have told them exactly how much time he has, but I know with that type of cancer, the odds aren’t good.
Moving the wedding up would be impossible because everything books up way in advance here, invitations have been sent, guest list finalized, guests have purchased plane tickets already, it would just be impossible to change everything with just a month left till the wedding, we’re having about 250 people… :S
Post # 9
First of all I am so sorry that this is happening. Cancer is devastating.
Vendors are surprisingly understanding about these types of situations. If it were me I’d have a family gathering and express that you would like to put the wedding on hold for now to process this situation and be as sensitive as possible to everyone (including your fiance because there is just no way to know how he will handle this when the time comes).
Either they will say absolutely not, you should still go ahead with the wedding, or they will say yes it’s probably a better idea to postpone until things become easier.
First talk to the family, then depending on how that goes, call your vendors and explain. You might be surprised at how compassionate people can be.
Post # 10
Would you be open to having a small private ceremony very soon, so dad can see the marriage?
and then on your wedding have it like a vow renewal in a sense and then the reception?
I am so sorry to hear about this and I will be praying. I just found out last night about cancer with a integral family member in my wedding, and I’m stressing over the same things!
Post # 10
I’m so sorry 🙁 Is there any way you could have a small family ceremony now so that his dad can be present for sure? And then go ahead with the wedding celebration? I knew a couple whose brother had cancer, so they got married 6 weeks before the wedding celebration. They still did the ceremony and reception, and made it a tribute to his brother as well as a celebration of their new life. It was very sweet and emotional.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone, I will talk to my Fiance about that.
I’m so sorry to hear that Mrs.Argentina 🙁 Your family will be in my prayers also.
Post # 12
I am so very sorry…
No one will really know what to do in a situation like this…
I will tell you my thoughts, but by no means are they the right or only way to deal with such a heart wrenching situation..
I would not post-pone…I would pray everyday that he could be well enough to be in attendance…I am sure he would want to see his son be married if possbile..
In my experience, when someone is very ill, they hold on longer and find strength if they have something to look forward to.
We were in a similiar situation…only my Fiance was graduating from college while his father was in hospice care…
Although he could not attend graduation, he held on until my Fiance returned to his side…He told him about his day and just shortly afterwards he passed on…
We had a graduation party as scheduled and he and his mom found comfort in being surrounded by friends and family encouraging the celebration of FI’s accomplishments.
Unfortunately, if the worst should happen before you are married, that is in Gods hands. Pray and I will send many prayers your way as well.
Post # 13
Im very sorry to hear that you are going thru this. I would contact the vendors. I’m sure they will understand. While you may not be able to get refund, you should at least be able to postpone and book for a future day.
I have lost both of my parents. Every one grieves differently and you have no idea how this may later effect your Fiance or his family, you, and your relationship with them all. No one likes to deal with it, but its life. It happens.
Post # 14
The main question you want to ask youself…. What would his dad want you to do? DH’s dad died on June 21st, about 3 weeks before Darling Husband and I were scheduled to move to the UK. We debated going after that, because Darling Husband wanted to be here with his family and take care of his dads house. In the end, while it delayed us going for a couple weeks, we still decided to go because his dad wouldn’t have wanted us to miss out on this opportunity.
If your Darling Husband wants to go ahead with things, even if his dad passes before then, then respect his choice. I’m sure his dad wouldn’t want to see you guys postpone and lose a bunch of money on his behalf.
I’m so sorry you guys are going through this. I know how hard it is. I watched my grandfather waste away slowly from lung cancer. It’s really awful to see. My PM box is open if you want to talk to someone.
Post # 15
i’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this. My fiance’s dad had a massive heart attack on Christmas night after we’d only been dating for 8 months. He died about a week later and the last 3 years have been a real struggle for us in every aspect because of the emotional, family, financial, etc effects from his death.
If I were you, I would just try to take it one day at a time. This is probably the most annoying and difficult advice anyone can give you, but in my experience it’s also the best. You really have no idea what’s going to happen or when, so try not to stress out by running 1000 different scenarios through your head. Have a loose plan of what you’ll want to do IF certain things do or do not happen depending on how close/far away the wedding is. And you can also talk to your fiance’s dad about what he may want.
In the mean time I think you should contact your vendors and let them know the situation. Make sure you read your contracts and understand them to try and gauge their flexibility. I’m sure most vendors would understand “emergency” or unique situations like yours.
I realize you don’t want to postpone the wedding for multiple reasons (all of them being good ones), but think about this: if the worst happens (or is very close to happening) on or right before your wedding day, your fiance and his family are probably not going to be 100% focused on the day. It may sound terrible, but you do want your wedding day to be about you guys and both of you want to be happy. You may need time to heal and recover before throwing yourselves into something as huge and emotional as a wedding.
I only say this because my grandfather died of cancer about a week after I graduated high school and 3 days before my graduation party. I was a complete mess because I wanted to be happy and celebrate, but I felt guilty for doing so. I knew that I was only going to graduation HS once, so I went to the parties and tried to have fun, but my heart wasn’t in it. In a way I’m glad I participated in the celebration but I also know that it sucked not being 100% “there.” I was just on a completely different emotional planet than everyone else and you do NOT want that to be the case on your wedding day, in my opinion.
I hope you and your fiance can find a way to get through this in the least stressful way. Just try to take it one day at a time and support each other no matter what. Believe me, when my fiance lost his dad like that it was ridiculously difficult, but I believe it made our relationship so much stronger. I’ll send you guys some prayers/positive thoughts/vibes, etc. and hope that you make the right decisions for yourselves and your families.