(Closed) The worst waiting week….. Long one!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9885 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@GIJen:   I hope you don’t mind my asking, how old are both of you and how long have you been together?  That will help clarify things.

In the meantime, while awaiting more information, big hugs!!

At first glance, however, this doesn’t sound good.  It sounds like he’s keeping his options open and stringing you along; his comments and attitude toward you have raised some red flags.  

Post # 5
Member
9885 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@GIJen:   Has he given any reason for his hesitation in getting engaged?  18 months at his age and well-established in his career should be plenty of time for him to have made up his mind, IMO, at least.  $1,000 is extremely on the reasonable side for an engagement ring, as well.  Is he always this tight with money?  I wouldn’t be at all happy with this scenario, either, I don’t blame you for being upset. 

Post # 7
Member
9885 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@GIJen:   It may be time for you to consider what you want long-term for your own future.  If you feel he’s the love of your life and you’ll be happy staying with him, then maybe it’s worth sticking it out – but only with your eyes wide open that marriage might not be likely to happen with him.     

Post # 8
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I would be furious if my SO told me to go ring shopping and then turn around the next minute and told me he doesn’t want to spend money on the ring or even get married. WTF?!!!

 I agree with  Sunfire, “it’s time to consider what you want long term for your own future.”

Post # 11
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@Sunfire:  +100.

 

Post # 12
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

If he already sees being engaged as only a more commited form of dating, then it may be trouble that he doesn’t want to get engaged and you want to agree to be married. But just because you are both in your 40s doesn’t mean that he should know after 18 months that he wants to marry you. Things can take time and he probably wants to feel very confident considering his string of broken engagements.

Post # 14
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

@MrsWe:  I’d be upset too! Three months is a long time to be strung along and then be heartbroken!

Post # 15
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

@GIJen:  He’s been engaged twice? Does he have a fear of commitment? Have you expressed to him that his fears are not appropriate with you, as you are very serious about your future? 18 months is more than enough time for him to know by now. Im so sorry you are going through this. 

Post # 16
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

GI Jen,

That sounds messed up!  Dont wanna call him names and sound harsh or judgmental.  But he’s acting like a d-bag.

Please dont ever pay for half your ring because that is his duty.  He is taking all the joy out of this experience and it is depressing me, so I’m sure you are gutted.

Tell your girlfriends what’s going on so they can help you through it.

Hugs.

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