(Closed) The year I "outgrew" Christmas. Pity party time.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
1171 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It sounds like your mom is dealing with some depression.

I’m sorry though that you had to deal with such a sad Christmas.  I thinkyou have some good ideas for next year!! 

Post # 33
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m not sure how I missed the fact in your first post that your parents support you, but that REALLY changes things. It sounds like they’re out of patience waiting for you to take the lead on some of the things in your life. Whether that means hosting your parents for Christmas, paying for your own tuition, or just day to day giving back to the family, I can’t say, but I’d imagine running to your SO’s parents’ home or a vacation for the holidays isn’t the answer.

 

i think you should look for as many opportunities as you can to contribute to the benefit of the family. This doesn’t have to be financial, and can be as little as baking cookies unexpectedly as a treat, but it should be done regularly. I find it a little off-putting that your suggestions for the next holiday all center on enjoying a nice meal and festive day planned by someone else, which to me seems like your parents may be trying to push you into taking more control of your own life and of the various family gatherings.

Post # 34
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I too LOVE christmas. You and I sound similar in our enjoyment of the holidays 🙂 Here’s what I would do…if you can, host your family at your place for Xmas next year. This way, you can do everything on your own terms and you can also see how difficult it is to create the “perfect christmas” for everyone else. It’s tough, and your parents might simply be worn out or struggling to find a balance between your holidays as a child and your holidays as an adult. While I think it’s easy to say “just go spend holidays with your SO” I am in the mind that you only have the holidays with your family for so long. Someday you will have your own christmas and they can come if they please. I had a situation like this when I was in college, my mom was depressed because all her kids were grown up, she had the “why bother” attitude. My sister and I proceeded with our enjoyment around her. Making cookies watching movies (Elf helped a lot) and eventually my mom came around because she saw that a heart we were the same kids as always. Hope this helps a bit.

Post # 35
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

In our family, Christmas gifts and stockings stop at the age of 18 years old.

I am sorry your family does not wish to celebrate Christmas. But cheer up! Maybe next year you can Celebrate Christmas to your heart’s content at your own place!

Post # 36
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Wow that is so crazy. I can completely understand why you would be upset. I mean it’s one thing that they didn’t want to spend money on gifts, but to have a Christmas like that. That’s so terrible. 

Post # 37
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Dizbee:  maybe after years of putting christmas together she is burned out ? perhaps next year offer to have Christmas at your house ? 

Post # 38
Member
4980 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with fishbone here, it sounds like you just need to start doing things for yourself for Christmas wise. Start hosting it your place. Start your own traditions.  Start trying to support yourself.  Start giving back to your parents for all the stuff they have done for you over the years. 

Post # 39
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Dizbee:  Maybe I’m reading too in between the lines, but there seem to be issues with how your family treats you irrespective of Christmas.  Like how they wouldn’t compromise and watch another movie besides The Hobbit or your mom not letting you cook in the kitchen.  It also seems like you’re the only one in your family who even likes all the Christmas stuff, which is totally fine, but your parents are probably tired of all the effort of putting up a Christmas show for you every year.  I say next year just pop in for a visit and spend the majority of Christmas with your SO!

Post # 40
Member
3073 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@Dizbee:  Well, it will be interesting to see what happens next year at your parents’ house.

I think it’s entirely possible that your mom thinks she wants to be done with Christmas. Perhaps that will continue, perhaps it will not. Maybe she needed a HARD seguay into reduction of Christmas frenzy that the only way she knew how to do it was to do absolutely nothing. As you say, she did warn you.

Oh wait, I see that she is hosting a large party a few days after Christmas. Well then, she’s still got to do a log tof things for that.

Time for you to step up and plan your own Christmas celebration and cook it, but presents for it, etc.

We do very little here and I am happy with that. To each his own.

 

Post # 41
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I remember your previous comments about your parents… they sound like real, um, pieces of work.

I do agree with the other ladies that it would be healthy for you to start asserting your independence–not just during arguments, but making plans for yourself and following through on the plans. I cannot think of a reason why you could NOT take on your own law school loans, instead of your parents paying for you. Call the university’s financial aid office and make arrangements to do the paperwork yourself–I’d assume law school uses the FAFSA like other types of college/grad school. If it’s not, there’s something comparable. It’ll be a big chunk of debt, but if they’ve already paid for half of law school then you’re better off than most law students… and it will be worth it for the freedom and independence.

@fishbone:  “your suggestions for the next holiday all center on enjoying a nice meal and festive day planned by someone else”

Not true at all. Did you miss where the OP said, “we can do all the planning and prep work so it won’t stress my mom out.  That way we could spend the holidays together and with our families, I would know exactly what to expect since I’d be in charge of hostessing.”

I don’t disagree that it would help the OP’s situation if she took more initiative, but I think you’re missing some of the parts of her story where she says that she planned and bought nice gifts for her family, tried to cook the holiday dinner herself but was turned down by her mom, etc. She’s not just showing up and lying on the couch and expecting to be showered with gifts.

Post # 43
Member
4134 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I would be sad, too! They did a horrible job with christmas and don’t deserve to have you for Christmas next year

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