(Closed) The “you shouldn’t be getting married” problem

posted 7 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow, again, – where do you live? A conservative community in the south? This is what people where I grew up would have been saying (the Baptists picketed when we had our high school baccalaureate at a Catholic church, to give you an idea of the “crazy”).

I handled it by moving to Boston.

(no, seriously)

Post # 4
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Honestly, you probably won’t be able to change anyones mind. FH’s grandma thinks I’m a wonderful, great, sweet girl, but she has made it no secret how sad she is that I’m going to hell (b/c I’m Catholic). There is nothing I can or will be able to say to this women because she is so set in her ways…

A friend of mine had similar issues when she married her Christian husband- she is Jewish. In this situation her family was having a hard time with him being Christian – there worry was the children. She handled it by being up front about it, letting her family know, “we’ve discussed our religions, difference, etc, we knew when we started dating this could be an issue, but we will handle it.” I think it helped her case though that they agreed the children would be Jewish but she didn’t try to pretend there wasn’t the elephant in the room and she treated it very directly.

Post # 5
Member
46647 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It always has amazed me that people who claim to be religious are some of the least tolerant people I know.

 

Post # 6
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@MrsPinkPeony: @crayfish: My hubs completely doesn’t understand anti-Catholicism having gone to Catholic school most of his life. Montana is very Irish Catholic, but I grew up in the south. Our neighbors left tracts in our mailbox after they found out we were Catholic.

Post # 7
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

lol girlie, I know just how hard it is…I am in the same situation. Basically, handle it with grace. You are an adult right? You can make up your own mind about what really counts in a marriage, correct?  Then just thank them for their opions, and warnings, but let them know (gently, with a smile) that you chose a good man who loves YOU and YOUR HEART, not the religious label…Fiance is nonpracticing Jew, and I am a Christian.  My family, especially my mother and sister, were completely shocked, dismayed, and disappointed that I had chosen to give my heart to someone who was not of the same faith.  Have you talked with your Fiance about how you will raise children, how you will incorporate both religions into the family, etc? It is all about handling it with grace, and have faith that this man is a blessing from the Lord himself. You are an adult capable of living out your own life, whether people agree or not. You love your Fiance and his heart? He loves you right, like the way a woman should be loved, just as Christ loved the church? Then I say, you go and marry this man that you love.

Post # 8
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

You can’t change minds, and you don’t have to ignore them, you just nod and smile and keep saying that although it bothers them, it doesn’t bother you. Then you move on in the conversation. Sometimes if you take the tape-recorder approach, they’ll eventually stop, knowing they’ll always get the same answer.

Post # 9
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I can see WHY you would be hearing that from family (especially)

I mean you would have to realize that to be in a marriage with someone of a different faith neither of you could ever fully be devout in practice. you Christian and Him Jewish.. b/c that in itself would pull you to opposite spectrums…

Sidenote: I find though that generally if someone who’s Jewish got the revelation of Jesus in their heart they would undoubtedly be the COOLEST Christian ever… just b/c of their FULL understanding of God.. OT AND NT *yay*

This I say from experience of being with someone with a different belief and you not really being able to be a growing Christian or him be a devout Jew… just saying.

For those like your family though you just need to seek out in prayer how to speak, what to say, and what not to say. Pray that your heart stay pure and clean and that you don’t allow pride or bitterness in. Show them the same grace that we’ve been shown and pour out love to them. Love does wonders! 😉

Post # 10
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If you’ve talked openly about the differences in your beliefs and how they might affect your life decisions, views on marriage and eachother, raising children and so on you’ll just have to stand up for your decisions. Probably, compramises on one or both your parts will have to be made when it comes to religious matters at some point. If people are coming from a point of judgement there is nothing you can do to change their mind and I wouldn’t try. But, love probably doesn’t conquer all and religion can be a MAJOR divide in a relationship.

FI’s best dude is Muslim & his wife is Christian I will tell you it caused HUGE issues when they had children. They admit now that they never talked about it before marriage because they were both supportive of eachother’s religion, but always assumed that their kids would be raised with their respective religions. They have worked things out, but its taken alot of work. They also had to get family on the same page, which caused some disappointment on the grandparents parts. Oh, it also came up for them when they were putting together their wills…funeral’s are totally culturally different and I think things were left with whoever dies first gets to fight the other’s family for their choice of funeral. WOO!

I totally believe that interfaith relationships can work, but I don’t think they are without controversey! Hopefully, you guys can talk about things openly and just leave others to think what they will (I mean if its not your choices of religions it will be something else, right?!)

Post # 11
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am going through the same thing. My fiance is not of a Christian denomination, and my family is constantly cornering me about it. My father especially keeps mentioning how I understand that my fiance could go to hell. And I am constantly being quizzed about my fiance’s faith. It is really upsetting and I have not found a way to cope yet. I am just hoping that my family will back off. 

Post # 12
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would remind them that Jesus was a Jew and that those of the Jewish faith are still God’s favored people. It’s not like you don’t believe in the same God, you just have differing views on whether or not the Messiah has come back or not.

Post # 13
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This has driven me absolutely round the bend because, hi, it’s my life and my marriage and I’m the one who has to live it  but so many people have opinions on what I “should” do.

I’ve found this really helpful in these situations: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/letter-to-long-lost-love

It’s a letter from a Jew to the non-Jew he loved. It has a wonderful explanation of why interfaith marriage is okay (right at the end). Thing is… he never married her. He died a bachelor. It’s so sad. And it’s been really helpful in shutting people up when they try to tell me how to live MY life.

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