(Closed) There are more family members who I am not close with coming then my friends..

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Unfortunately you shouldn’t have invited people you didn’t want to come 🙁 

Post # 3
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m confused.  Did you over invite?  Has everyone on your guest list been invited but now you are having to uninvite people?  What if more then 64 people RSVP yes?

Just because your brother did X and Y doesn’t mean that you had to follow suit.  You put yourself in this situation instead of just standing up to your families and saying no.  Have you considered adjusting your wedding plans and having a cake, app, and punch style reception instead so that you can include your friends along with all of your family?

Post # 4
1011 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like you should have just been honest with your parents from the beginning . “Sorry Mom and Dad, I know brother did this and this and this, BUT this is how we’re doing ours.” Or instead of letting parents invite friends, you should have invited your own friends. Especially since you’re footing the bill. I’m guessing all of that is too late since you already mentioned RSVP but unless you come clean with your parents, and they give you money to help, there really isn’t much else you can do. 

Post # 5
2506 posts
Sugar bee

it’s pretty simple. either you follow tradition, and live with those consequences (making your parents happy), or you grow a spine and tell your family what *you* want because *you* are paying for it. if tradition is important to *you*, then great! but that means you’ll have lots of family and no friends there. if it’s not important to *you*, then you need to do something about it.

Post # 6
52 posts
Worker bee

I totally understand where you’re coming from! I’m third generation Chinese so there isn’t really the same pressure to follow all the traditions but there’s a lot of pressure to invite a lot of my parent’s friends and distant relatives I hardly know. They’re willing to pay for whoever they invite but the idea of a big wedding with mostly people we aren’t close with is still a little daunting and my fiancee and I don’t want to spend an arm and a leg no matter who’s paying for what. It’s taken a while to come to a good compromise and we’re still trying to figure out exactly how we want to do things so I don’t really have an answer for you, just wanted to let you know that I understand. If your relatives are generous with their gifts maybe that would help off-set the costs and you could still invite your friends? 

Post # 7
112 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
baniibride:  I’m going to suggest something that is super risky but looking back, this is what I wished I had done- have you already booked your venue and is there a standard cash amount that you think these extra guests will gift you? If these guests will “cover their own plate”, as per my experience of Chinese etiquette, and your venue can hold them, then go ahead and add them and keep your friends on the list as these extra guests might actually pay for themselves. Also, did these people verbally RSVP or did they actually go through the effort of sending back a response in writing? Sometimes people that say they will come end up changing their mind, especially when overseas travel is involved. Don’t stress! I do agree with above posters that suggest you ask your parents to chip in for their guests. I was too stubborn to do it and cut the things that were important to me so they could have their extra guests. And then these guests actually ended up paying for the entirety of our wedding so in retrospect, I could have splurged. Message me if you want to talk further, it’s a numbers game and it might be in your favor to invite these extras.

Post # 8
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

That depends, we have Chinese families within our social circle who cannot afford to contribute to their kids’ wedding, yet still invite their extended families and friends.  So you run the risk of not being able to pay for this wedding. 

This is the time to think, “Hmmm, should I go broke for people I don’t know… OR should I save money and invite just a handful of people and have a wedding I know I can afford.”

FWIW, I’m a financial planner.  Wedding’s don’t make financial sense so don’t go in debt for it. 


Post # 9
9530 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply

What a kind and practical response . I hope OP can get some help  from you .

Post # 10
258 posts
Helper bee

Unless you are a bride who has been in this situation re the cultural expectations of your family, it’s kinda difficult to understand what this is all about.

OP I have been exactly in your shoes!  I know how hard it is.  Unfortunately you just have to bite the bullet and keep your parents happy.  It is annoying as hell, but at least seeing their happiness on your wedding day will be some comfort to you.  Also you will get lots back in $ gifts.  Remember that; we way underestimated how much we would get.  We ended up with about $6000 in cash gifts 0_0 (That’s another part of tradition you know!)


  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  sosojamie.

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