Post # 1
This holiday season I’ve gotten tons of comments by relatives. Obviously the comments about how you’re getting bigger come off slightly insulting even though naturally you are supposed to get bigger. Someone told me that I don’t look like I’ve gained any weight. Sounds nice, right? Well at 5 months in I sure don’t feel like I haven’t gained any weight so now I am left wondering if I have always looked this big even pre pregnancy. Like, have people always thought my stomach looked this big while I was living in a dream world?
I guess you can never win. Being told you aren’t that big makes you feel like people think you’re starving yourself or not eating right and being told that you are big makes you feel like you’re a pig. At least with me.
The best compliment that I’ve gotten is “You look great!” and I will be sure to remember this for use in the future.
Post # 3
You are 100% right, there is no appropriate observation regarding ones weight when pregnant!
People mean well most of the time, and don’t realize how their comments come across.
But still! Our bodies are going to go through so many changes, and we already feel self conscious…
Post # 4
@hspw714: two days ago my dad said something like “make sure you don’t gain a lot because you got really big last time” ……….thanks
Post # 5
I’m don’t know that I’ve ever said anything other than “you look great” to my pregnant girlfriends but I don’t think I would have thought “you look tiny” would have been anything other than a compliment until I read this…so your comments are noted for the future :).
I know people are just trying to be nice or sweet or funny, but I’m dreading the comments in a few months for me!
Post # 6
There is no appropriate way to comment on anyone’s weight. I’m 5′ 1.5″ and 102 lbs. People (actually, just women) are constantly telling me how “skinny” I am. That is not a compliment, and they don’t mean it as a compliment. It’s a dig. To me, skinny means you look unhealthy, unattractive, too thin, not sexy etc, and I know I don’t look like that. It’s just catty.
Post # 7
Around 14 weeks I went shopping with a friend and she actually said “Gee PoppyH, you sure are getting FAT”, yea I’ve barely spoken to her since.
Yesterday people kept commenting…. ‘you look soooo pregnant’ oh no! This is just kitty cat weight (we just go ta new cat) or ‘I swear you’ve gotten bigger just standing here’ oh thanks.
A few friend have told me I look great, that should be the only thing that people say to a pregnant woman.
Post # 8
Haha it doesn’t stop after the baby is born, either. My Father-In-Law said the other day that “you really lost all the baby weight, didn’t you?” and I got snippy and said “I never gained any.” Because it’s true — I was all baby, so once she was born I went right back to my former size. I didn’t like his implication that I had gotten fat and then lost the weight. No, Father-In-Law, I never even got fat in the first place!
Of course he was just trying to be nice and supportive, but he learned a lesson on what not to say to women.
Post # 9
i don’t care if you’re pregnant, not pregnant, big or small! Unless you’re going to say “daaaamn you look smokin hot!!!” you shouldn’t comment on anyone’s weight. Because no matter how nice that person means it a woman’s mind will always find a way to make it negative.
Post # 10
At Christmas yesterday my aunt (who I love dearly) said in her nicest voice, “sweetie you are bigger every time I see you.” (I JUST saw her saturday, and last saturday)… I looked at her and said, “I can’t help it I’m growing a baby. I work out more now then I ever have.” – and she was like “no its a good thing it means your baby is growing.” – ah yes thanks auntie! and then with my in laws last night my Mother-In-Law was looking at my 25 week bump photo and my 27 week bump photo, “wow look at how much bigger you are” – awesome, thanks folks!
Post # 11
@hspw714: Oh I am with you, honey. Telling me that I’m getting bigger doesn’t make me happy even though I know they mean the baby. Telling me I don’t look pregnant doesn’t make me happy because I keep thinking I must look like a wahle all the time.
I agree. I have learned to just tell pregnant women they look fantastic and move on. When someone sees me and they say, “You look terrific” I feel so good about myself.
Post # 12
I am of the belief that people are just too sensitive. If someone told me: “you’re so big,” I would just assume they meant “you’re so pregnant” and not as “you are obese.” Pregnant women are supposed to get big. That does not mean they are fat; it means they are pregnant.
Post # 13
@AngelR88: Agreed. It’s a fact…growing a baby inside of you makes you bigger. The bigger and closer to birth the baby gets, the bigger you get. I really don’t understand how it’s an insult and the only pregnant woman I know who ever took offense to it was insane.
Not to say some people don’t say ridiculous things. But to get offended at ‘look how big you are!’ aka ‘look how your pregnancy is coming along!!’ seems very silly.
Post # 14
@hspw714: This should be really there is “no appropriate thing to say about a woman’s weight” period. People really shouldn’t comment unless they have something nice to say don’t you think? I am a believer in the “you look amazing” “radiant” “beautiful” comments. Anything else can be misunderstood or insulting really.
I am only at 7-8 weeks and while I don’t look bigger to other people (as I am told) I FEEL bigger and bloated. I don’t look pregnant but I sure as heck don’t want someone to tell me I am looking thicker/bigger!
Post # 15
@AngelR88: well you certainly have to take the pregnancy hormones into account when calling pregnant women “too sensitive”. i don’t know about anyone else, but my hormones have a bad habit of taking control of my body lol. Just because you know logically it’s good to gain weight and get bigger, that doesn’t mean it is easy to accept, especially if you have struggled with body issues in the past.
We did our family pregnancy reveal on Christmas Day, (I’m 14 weeks) and one of my husband’s aunts informed me she noticed I was looking chunkier the other day. 0_o Thank you? So I’m even worse than my usual chunkiness? It hurt my feelings but I know she means well so I just smiled at her. One of my coworkers told me she could see a “little belly” on me now that she knew to look for it. That wasn’t as bad as being called chunky.
Now that I’m on the other side of the table, I know better to watch my comments and make sure I only telling them how fabulous they’re looking! 🙂
Post # 16
As a general rule, I do not comment on people’s weight at all, ever. There really is no winning with that topic 😛