Post # 1
So here is the thing, and I might be a little too emotional about it so please bare with me. Fiance got engaged on a trip to Europe on 3/21/15, so it’s been 4 months. I let my parents know, he let his family know (we do not have contact with his mother or sister so they were not notified). It wasn’t a complete surprise engagement since Fiance did ask my parents permission to marry me. When we got back we did have a few conversations about wedding planning and then set a budget and divided expenses between my parents and Fiance (tradition) and set a date. We’ve had some things come up in our lives in the mean time and have decided to push the date back a few months, my parents are however not aware of this yet.
Going back to where my issues and sadness come from, there has been no excitement on my parents part. NOTHING! I am an only child, so the only one they will be marrying off and I get nothing. When we did talk about the wedding it was me dragging things out of my mom and bringing up the subject. That’s not what I want, I don’t want my mom to force herself to do wedding stuff. I brought this up to my Fiance and we pretty much decided that we will be paying for the wedding. And we will be doing all the planning. I did previous to talking to Fiance bring this up to my mom twice and she pretty much shrugged it off the first time and the second said she doesn’t know what I’m talkkng about. I don’t know if I’m just being over sensitive or my expectations were way too high or doea the whole wedding industry just blow things out of proportion that parents get excited and everyone is involved and wants to be a part of the wedding.
I have contemplated not having a wedding and eloping… Vegas here we come? We have considered having a civil ceremony due to personal reasons this year and then a church ceremony and a wedding in 2017.
I just don’t know anymore.. Talk some sense into me? Am I over reacting? Do I have a valid point in being hurt? Did I imagine a fairytale that’s complete BS?
Thank you Bees!
Post # 2
Awe. I feel for you. You ahve a valid concern — and if your family is not supportive – showing no excitement then you can certainly let en them know how you’re feeling — but don’t expect things to change drastically… after all, they know you’re engaged to be married.
If your parents have a habit of not getting excited – then this may just be their typical reaction — I dunno. But, talk to them — and if you feel they are still shrugging you off as a “no big deal” situation – then you and Fiance should still have your wedding — it’s a celebration… smile and be happy honey!
Post # 3
I think it sucks when people aren’t as excited as u and I understand that out of anyone u would want ur mom to be the most excited, but it is true when people say that NO ONE will ever be as excited as u.. Maybe ur mom is just that kind of person, more reserved and doesn’t let things get to her, I know my dad is like that. he was happy when we got engaged but he couldn’t care less about all the other shit… I think u should do whatever u feel is right, if that means big wedding with all ur friends and family like originally planned, then do that… If it means eloping in Vegas (which trust me, my Fiance and I wanted to do that to begin with, and there’s nothing wrong with that) then that’s fine! Just try to be excited and don’t let other people bring u down 😃
Post # 4
well you just made me tear up… in a good way. Thank you! I think I needed a reminder that it is a celebration. And you are right my parents are not the getting excited type, but I seriously hoped that their only daughter getting married would be well you know, a little exciting?
Again, Thank you so much for your kind words ☺️
Post # 5
I would be more than happy to welcome you to Vegas! It’s not all Elvis drive thrus out here, promise!
Seriously though, you can’t force excitement. I am an only child too. I told my mother 2.5 years ago that I was getting married and nothing. Not one word or phone since. Or for events years prior so not so much of a surprise. My father is more excited to show Vegas to potential wife #5. The FI’s parents are more excited but not helping plan or anything. Some people/ parents just doing have the wedding bug. You are allowed to be disappointed, it’s a big event and your emotions are valid. Maybe lower the bar a little. People only affect you if you allow them. Plan with the Fiance. It’s a great bonding time, it can be really fun. I’m sure the parents will have a blast at the wedding even if it isn’t the highest priority right now.
Post # 6
Aww try not to feel bad! I do think that media/Hollywood films can kinda elevate our expectations for certain events, where everything is magical and everyone is blissfully happy. While I love the film ‘Father of the Bride’ its hardly reality for anyone! 😉
But you’re not the only one to have a less than enthusiastic response from the parents. I’m the only daughter out of my siblings and when I told my mother she barely lifted an eyebrow. Maybe once it’s closer to the date she’ll get more excited.
Post # 7
When is your wedding? If you set a date for a year or so from now, there really isn’t much to really be excited about or to help plan, so maybe that’s all it is. In years past, many weddings were planned and executed in just a few months. Now it seems people get started so much earlier and its hard to maintain a high level of interest about every little thing for so long. She may feel there is so much time between now and the date and might not truly understand how much you want her to be involved, like right now, so maybe have a heart to heart with her?
Both of our daughters got married in under a year, so we had no time to relax. Planning one and then jumping right into the other was exhausting, but it all worked out beautifully in the end.
Talk to her is my best advice. Good luck!
Post # 8
I”m an only child too (step sibs later in life) and my parents weren’t that excited either. I was bummed, but I later came to realize that A) NO ONE is as excited as me about my wedding and B) they’re just not the planny, froo-froo, get giddy type. So yeah, you might need to lower your expectations. Find that friend or aunt who is excited for you and confide your plans in them.
Post # 9
Maybe something is going on in your moms life that she hadn’t shared such as problems with her health, finances or with her marriage?
Post # 10
I’m so sorry you are feeling that way! The engagement and wedding planning should bring a feeling of happiness and excitement for the future instead of sadness.
I think you should tell your parents how you feel. It really could be that you are both feeling the pressure of the other things you have going on and haven’t really communicated it properly to your family so they are sensing that something is wrong and that you aren’t happy so they are having reservations or don’t want to push you. It could be that they don’t know what to do here. You mentioned that you are the only child, so is it possible they just don’t know how to help you or don’t want to step on toes, so they are letting you take the lead and just plan on contributing financially to the day YOU want? My mom was very excited for me, but she stayed out of the planning and let me do my thing. She also understands me and knows I change my mind a lot or take things the wrong way sometimes so she just wanted to be “silently supportive” and would listen to me and offer financial help, but did not really insert her opinions when it came to my wedding. IDK you or your parents and what your day to day personalities or your family dynamic is like so it would be hard to say what is at play here.
I would try to remember that they knew ahead of time and gave your Fiance their blessing to marry you and have offered to help financially which is already more support than a lot of brides receive. Shouldn’t that count for something?
Try not to take things personally. Plan the wedding you want and keep your eye on the prize: YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED! 🙂
Post # 11
thank you for that! Trust me it means the world that Fiance did ask them, they gave him their blessing and have offered to help out. I am very thankful for that. I’m just Disappointed hopefully that feeling goes away once I dig my nose into some planning.
Post # 12
Some people just aren’t the “squeeeee excited!” type.
Myabe it would help to give your mom a specific thing to do? “Mom, I value your opinion, and really want you to help me find my dress/choose flowers/pick a photog. Is that something you’d be interested in?”
Post # 13
I have the opposite problem — my parents (dad especially) are OVERLY excited about my wedding. Like…they care about wedding stuff more than me, and it feels like I’ve lost control over parts of the planning process. It has gotten to the point where I can’t even talk to them about non-wedding stuff without it switching over to wedding talk. And you know what? I’m downright sick of it. I’m sick of my dad freaking out about my reception venue. I’m sick of getting into fights with him about the schedule of the day of. It has gotten to the point where it’s not even fun anymore because my dad does stuff behind my back without asking first and we get into fights about it. My parents are contributing financially to our wedding, so I fully expected them to have some say in the planning, however it has been downright excessive and not helpful. At the end of the day I am the one getting married and it sucks that sometimes my parents don’t “get” that. My fiance and I contributed an equal amount as my parents to our wedding, so it’s not like our parents are financing the entire thing. I LOVE my parents and I’m SO GLAD they are so excited for my wedding…but it has gotten excessive.
So…the grass isn’t always greener.
Post # 14
Thank you all for your responses, threads tend to end when I comment on them haha…
A a little extra back story maybe will help and getting stuff off my chest feels about right at this point.
The furat wedding date we set and were suppoeed to plan for officially was September 2016. Which is a littl over a year out and where we live the church itself has about an 18 month waiting list and venues that culturally would suit the wedding are usually booked by super planner brides 18-24 months in advance. So looking at our timeline it’s much shorter than most in my family and area. We have since changed the date for 2017 but have yet to tell my parents, we will within the next two weeks or so but seems like it really doesn’t matter since no one is bringing any wedding stuff up anyways.
I am very grateful that my parents gave Fiance their blessing and that they have offered to help financially. Now to get really down and dirty I wasn’t sure from the get go how to take the financial help. I know traditionally they would be paying for 75% of the wedding but my father is the type of guy that in 5 years he will throw it in my face that he paid. That is why I paid for 95% of my education, I did not want anything hanging over my head. I in no way hold it against my dad, but I know how he is and I know why he is that way (His father was that guy, the one that gives you $5 and throws it in your face two weeks later and tells the whole county about it) and I have agreed to his help in other areas and have had it go both good and bad ways. A wedding being a significant amount of money, I do not want thrown in my face EVER I never want Fiance to hear it either so I kind of would prefer to pay.
Now about my mommy! And yes she is my mommy and alayws will be. Her and I are VERY close. We talk on a daily basis, multiple times a day sometimes and discuss all issues/problems she is pretty much my best friend and I am hers. I know when she’s hiding something and its not the case. She is also very straight forward with me. I guess I just wanted her to be happy for me, at least say congrats? Not asking for a jumping up and down and screaming excitement moment.
To tie all this together, I am not the jumping up and down excited type either, I’m not sitting here obsessing and being over excited I do experess that I am happy and excited to be getting married and all that good stuff. I did notice that No One in my family really reacted in any way to us getting engaged.. I kinda feel like an outcast… all my cousins weddings and other close family weddings were all discussed and the top of the grape vine news from the engagement to the wedding and here we get engaged 4 months ago and well I got there congrats, one from my cousin and his Girlfriend, one from my grandparents in Europe and my dad said Congratulations.. alright I’ll stop now. As I write this I feel like a total brat which is far from who I am, and that I am over reacting. I need a minute to get all this through my head Now.
I really appreiate all you advice and kind words bees! And apologize for all grammatical errors I am on my phone and it’s spelling things incorrect and not letting me fix them.
Post # 15
haha! Oh I get that, trust me I would hate that as well. I guess we are at the almost extremes of each situation. If there were only a happy median. That would be where I’d like to be.
I am sorry you are in your situation, and I hope your dad eventually figured out that it’s YOUR wedding and you are paying for half. ❤️ Hugs!