(Closed) There is no excitement… :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Awe.  I feel for you.  You ahve a valid concern — and if your family is not supportive – showing no excitement then you can certainly let en them know how you’re feeling — but don’t expect things to change drastically… after all, they know you’re engaged to be married.  

If your parents have a habit of not getting excited – then this may just be their typical reaction — I dunno.  But, talk to them — and if you feel they are still shrugging you off as a “no big deal” situation – then you and Fiance should still have your wedding — it’s a celebration… smile and be happy honey!

Post # 3
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it sucks when people aren’t as excited as u and I understand that out of anyone u would want ur mom to be the most excited, but it is true when people say that NO ONE will ever be as excited as u.. Maybe ur mom is just that kind of person, more reserved and doesn’t let things get to her, I know my dad is like that. he was happy when we got engaged but he couldn’t care less about all the other shit… I think u should do whatever u feel is right, if that means big wedding with all ur friends and family like originally planned, then do that… If it means eloping in Vegas (which trust me, my Fiance and I wanted to do that to begin with, and there’s nothing wrong with that) then that’s fine! Just try to be excited and don’t let other people bring u down 😃

Post # 5
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would be more than happy to welcome you to Vegas! It’s not all Elvis drive thrus out here, promise!

Seriously though, you can’t force excitement. I am an only child too. I told my mother 2.5 years ago that I was getting married and nothing. Not one word or phone since. Or for events years prior so not so much of a surprise. My father is more excited to show Vegas to potential wife #5. The FI’s parents are more excited but not helping plan or anything. Some people/ parents just doing have the wedding bug. You are allowed to be disappointed, it’s a big event and your emotions are valid. Maybe lower the bar a little. People only affect you if you allow them. Plan with the Fiance. It’s a great bonding time, it can be really fun. I’m sure the parents will have a blast at the wedding even if it isn’t the highest priority right now.

Post # 6
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Aww try not to feel bad! I do think that media/Hollywood films can kinda elevate our expectations for certain events, where everything is magical and everyone is blissfully happy. While I love the film ‘Father of the Bride’ its hardly reality for anyone! 😉

But you’re not the only one to have a less than enthusiastic response from the parents. I’m the only daughter out of my siblings and when I told my mother she barely lifted an eyebrow. Maybe once it’s closer to the date she’ll get more excited.

Post # 7
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee

When is your wedding? If you set a date for a year or so from now, there really isn’t much to really be excited about or to help plan, so maybe that’s all it is. In years past, many weddings were planned and executed in just a few months. Now it seems people get started so much earlier and its hard to maintain a high level of interest about every little thing for so long. She may feel there is so much time between now and the date and might not truly understand how much you want her to be involved, like right now, so maybe have a heart to heart with her?

Both of our daughters got married in under a year, so we had no time to relax. Planning one and then jumping right into the other was exhausting, but it all worked out beautifully in the end.

Talk to her is my best advice. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
Mrs.Leena_colada:  I”m an only child too (step sibs later in life) and my parents weren’t that excited either. I was bummed, but I later came to realize that A) NO ONE is as excited as me about my wedding and B) they’re just not the planny, froo-froo, get giddy type. So yeah, you might need to lower your expectations. Find that friend or aunt who is excited for you and confide your plans in them.

Post # 9
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Maybe something is going on in your moms life that she hadn’t shared such as problems with her health, finances or with her marriage? 

Post # 10
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
Mrs.Leena_colada:  I’m so sorry you are feeling that way! The engagement and wedding planning should bring a feeling of happiness and excitement for the future instead of sadness.

I think you should tell your parents how you feel. It really could be that you are both feeling the pressure of the other things you have going on and haven’t really communicated it properly to your family so they are sensing that something is wrong and that you aren’t happy so they are having reservations or don’t want to push you. It could be that they don’t know what to do here. You mentioned that you are the only child, so is it possible they just don’t know how to help you or don’t want to step on toes, so they are letting you take the lead and just plan on contributing financially to the day YOU want? My mom was very excited for me, but she stayed out of the planning and let me do my thing. She also understands me and knows I change my mind a lot or take things the wrong way sometimes so she just wanted to be “silently supportive” and would listen to me and offer financial help, but did not really insert her opinions when it came to my wedding. IDK you or your parents and what your day to day personalities or your family dynamic is like so it would be hard to say what is at play here.

I would try to remember that they knew ahead of time and gave your Fiance their blessing to marry you and have offered to help financially which is already more support than a lot of brides receive. Shouldn’t that count for something?

Try not to take things personally. Plan the wedding you want and keep your eye on the prize: YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED! 🙂

 

Post # 12
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Some people just aren’t the “squeeeee excited!” type.

Myabe it would help to give your mom a specific thing to do? “Mom, I value your opinion, and really want you to help me find my dress/choose flowers/pick a photog. Is that something you’d be interested in?”

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by saratiara2.
Post # 13
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I have the opposite problem — my parents (dad especially) are OVERLY excited about my wedding.  Like…they care about wedding stuff more than me, and it feels like I’ve lost control over parts of the planning process.  It has gotten to the point where I can’t even talk to them about non-wedding stuff without it switching over to wedding talk.  And you know what?  I’m downright sick of it.  I’m sick of my dad freaking out about my reception venue.  I’m sick of getting into fights with him about the schedule of the day of.  It has gotten to the point where it’s not even fun anymore because my dad does stuff behind my back without asking first and we get into fights about it.  My parents are contributing financially to our wedding, so I fully expected them to have some say in the planning, however it has been downright excessive and not helpful.  At the end of the day I am the one getting married and it sucks that sometimes my parents don’t “get” that.  My fiance and I contributed an equal amount as my parents to our wedding, so it’s not like our parents are financing the entire thing.  I LOVE my parents and I’m SO GLAD they are so excited for my wedding…but it has gotten excessive.

So…the grass isn’t always greener. 

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