- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
Is anyone else like this with particular parts of your wedding that are really really important to you? There are some things that I can settle on happily, but others where I feel like I can never be satisfied. For example:
Invitations–cheapest acceptable one in the binder–good enough is fine
Table centerpieces–free fake flowers with the hall–good enough will do
cake–reasonable price, easy to work with, good taste–good enough is ok
Transportation–limo’s are expensive, when what we really need is a way to keep the wedding party together in air-conditioned vehicles, so 2 borrowed minivans will be good enough
Etc, on down to most other “details” of the day. I think about these things and feel very accomodating and easygoing and secure.
The first dance is the single moment I am looking forward to the most of the entire day. I have been unable to decide on a song for the entire year of our engagement. I am finally settling on one that I’m not happy with because I can’t find anything I don’t hate more. I am the kind of person who overanalyzes lyrics and loves lyrics that feel like they just “fit” and hates it when they’re even a bit “off.” I also love to dance, and we’ved decided we want a sexy rhumba, although for a long time I was convinced I wanted a waltz. The lyrics of this one are too needy and the song isn’t dynamic at all. The music doesn’t change at all and I get bored listening to it. I’m being really dramatic here, but the point is that it’s not perfect, so it sucks. I’m just hoping that the choreographer we’re hiring will be able to salvage it with some amazing moves that will distract from the needy lyrics and make the music seem more dynamic than it is.
Everyone else says it looks great. But I have been working so hard on losing weight and inches and I feel like the dress doesn’t show off my new body the way it should. The waist doesn’t go in very much and there is no cleavage or anything up top. I have put more work into this than into any other aspect of the wedding, and if the dress doesn’t look fabulous, I might as well have been binging and sitting around for the past year. Lord knows I felt like it 9 days out of 10, and the only reason I didn’t was because I told myself I was going to look amazing in my wedding dress. Every time my workout hurt or strained me or I felt like quitting, I thought about the dress, and sacrificed my pain for the dream. I have invested so much emotion in it, I don’t know if any dress would ever measure up.
The seamstress has the dress now, but she wasn’t fixing anything on the top half of the dress, because the last time I tried it on I was so stressed that I couldn’t even make any decisions about how I wanted to have it fixed. The question was whether to put in a corset back or take in the sides. My standard for the way the dress should look is incredibly high, but I feel like it should be, dammit. Why shouldn’t I have high standards? I have earned the right to look fabulous, and I DO look fabulous, even in a BIKINI, but not in my dress, because the dress doesn’t fit and doesn’t show me off. I cannot settle here. I cannot be content with anything less than the dream.
It’s much too late to get another dress, although I’ve been kicking myself for months for not at least looking at just one more dress shop on the stupid day I let my mom talk me into letting her buy it. I’ve written two other threads about my anxiety with this dress. Now I’m up late worrying about it and even thinking about the poor quality of the lace and beading and how it looked worse when I tried it the second time than the first time, just from being tried on that once. The first time I saw it, I was happy with the lace, just comparing it to my memory of the sample, but now I’m remembering the deterioration and the beads I saw loose and actually falling off and struggling not to resent my mom for pressuring me into settling for this dress.
I know this kind of thinking is dumb and illogical, but I can’t stop it. It’s black and white, and it shouldn’t have to be, and it’s not like this for everything, as you can see, but for these things, it just is. This is part of a much larger pattern of perfectionism for me. I’m afraid I’m poisoning my own thoughts against this dress and this song, and no matter how they change in the next month (with alterations and choreography), they’ll never be good enough after I spend so much time brooding on how much I hate them.
Am I the only one? Does anyone else have an “all or nothing” wedding thing that keeps her up at night? Do you struggle with having high standards, and resisting pressure to lower them? Reality never is as good as our dreams, is it?
Anyone have a good “tough love” pep talk to give me? I think I need it.