(Closed) There IS no timeline in his mind

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry you’re upset and wish you the best!

Post # 4
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

@mermaideve:

Oh, I am sorry.  Keep yourself busy with things that are important to you.  Wishing you well.

Post # 5
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

What?!? Why on earth would he said he’s propose by July 3rd and then not do it? Did he share that with you? Maybe he’s trying to throw you off….otherwise I’d be curious to know why he’d say one thing and do another.

Post # 6
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

How long have the two of you been together and how old are you?  Those are important factors to consider…

Post # 8
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Hmmm….what changed? Why isn’t he feeling positive and confident now?  Does he expect that he’ll feel 100% sure? I think it’s normal for people to have doubts even if they’re a wonderful match, since the future is uncertain no matter what. Maybe he has the unrealistic expectation that he’ll feel totally confident.

It makes sens that he mixed feelings since you’ve both been unhappily married before.

Post # 9
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Okay, I’ll be the first to ask:  do you think this is the right time to get engaged anyway?  If you’re having to go to couples counseling, maybe you should concentrate on repairing your relationship before getting married.  Marriage is seldom a cure for a troubled relationship.

Post # 11
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mermaideve: I’m so sorry to hear this. I would be so annoyed if my SO was giving me false dates. Might be time for “the talk”.

Post # 12
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It souds like he’s very unsure and constantly changing his mind, and you don’t want to be engaged until he is 100% sure. You don’t want to get engaged and then have him change his mind multiple times before the wedding. It sounds to me like you guys need to work on your relationship before you think about engagement. However, I’d be irritated if my SO kept changing the date.

Post # 13
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

That’s too bad. Sorry to hear that. I can’t believe he would tell you a date then not do it, that had to have been a rough day. Hope you feel better.

Post # 14
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

wow.. sorry to hear that.. he just seems to be a bit impulsive, saying he would propose on jluy 3rd and then changing his mind.. I know it must be hard, I would try to take my mind off it for a little while, because I honestly cant think of anything else to do

Post # 15
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

How dissapointing that he told you a specific date then has gone back on it.

Are you still doing counselling? I would definately keep that going because obviously there are now some very hurt feelings on your part.

no relationship is perfect but at the end of the day you hope they love you and respect you enough to keep a promise like that.

Post # 16
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@lezlers: you’ve got a great point there. Do you really want to get married if youre relationship is not solid? Do you have the “resentment flu” from investing so much?

 mermaideve:You’re giving a lot by even being willing to go to counseling with your guy…most people wouldn’t do that if it had only been 2 years and no engagement/marriage commitement.

“I will just have to keep myself busy with things that interest me, and put in the time and effort to keep moving our relationship forward.”

Please don’t take offense, I have to say I agree with the first part but not the 2nd part. It sounds like you’ve put in a lot of time and effort. And he appears to be flip-flopping. Take this time and effort to take care of yourself!  You worrying about making an effort to move the relationship forward hasn’t really worked out so well. Let him worry about that, and you worry about making yourself happy.

This may be conter-intuitive but you may be working *too hard* at your relationship. Let him do some of the work.  Guys are very efficient, “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”, and assume we’re happy to continue doing what we’re doing. If what you are doing is over-accomodating to the point of being resentful…you can see how this could spiral out of control, right? Do Mr Bee’s backup plan x10!!!

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