(Closed) there was a ring situation…

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow so many emotions!  I can totally understand your point of view but at the same time I can see where he’s coming from, too.  Here’s the thing…you got the ring that you want and even though it hurt his feelings for a brief moment, he loves it now!  You said yourself that it was beautiful and more in line with what you wanted in the first place.  As far as the first ring goes, although it holds sentimental value because he proposed with it, are you really going to wear it that often?  Or will it sit in a jewelry box where you’ll only see it occassionally?  That’s going to be something that you will have to come to terms with but you guys should probably have a heart to heart sit down and talk about how this is all making the two of you feel.  Clearly his pride took a hit when you fessed up and told him you were unhappy with the ring, but now that he sees the new one, he seems to be ok.  On the flip side, you were unhappy with the old ring yet are now unhappy with this one because of the strain it put on the two of you for a brief period. 

As far as the money situation goes, while I do find it a little odd that he made you pay for the new one (he was probably still a bit hurt), the fact that you guys have combined finances makes that a bit of a moot point.  Honestly, I think you’re just going to have to take a deep breath and come to a place where you can get past this because it sounds like you’ve come out on top.  And at the end of the day, the two of you are getting married and that is the most important thing πŸ™‚  It’s all good my darling!

Post # 4
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

I think he should let you keep the original ring as a RHR seems as you bought the new engagement set :]

P.s pleaseeee show uss a picture πŸ˜€

Post # 5
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@anonamee23:   First of all, no need for embarrassment!  It sounds like the two of you have worked through the ring and replacement ring issue pretty well.  I’m sure he agrees the new ring looks better on your left hand and if he’s happy with it now, then no need to return it.

Explain to him that you would like to keep the original ring because it’s the one he proposed with and is special because of that.  πŸ™‚  Wear it as a RHR.  There’s no problem with having two engagements rings as far as I’m concerned.  What a cute story, too.

Leave the negative emotions out of it and turn this into a really romantic, sweet story.  He loves you so much he gave you TWO RINGS!  Awesome!    Double proposal.  πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Sell the orginal ring and put the funds back into the wedding budget 

OR

Hold on to the old set and use the stones for new jewlery. melt it down and start over for an anni-ring or a “push” ring

Post # 7
Member
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I am glad you felt you could vent here. I understand exactly how you must feel. You will get over this and go on to love the 2nd ring. 

My first ering had to be redone because the wg was yellowing far too fast. Now? It’s back in the shop due to my unhappiness with how it was set. 

Rings are so important to me and what they symbolize. I want to also “love” my ering. My guess is you’ll keep the first  ring and go on to honour the 2nd one as your dream-ring. There is nothing wrong with that!

Post # 8
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

if there is any chance that you might wear the original one as a RHR or even as an ering occasionally, then i say keep it because of the emotional attachment. if it will sit in a jewelry box and never see daylight then i say sell it and you keep the money or use it for the wedding because you bought the 2nd one.

Post # 10
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@anonamee23:  you tell him to push a 7lb baby out of his opening and then ask you if he didn’t want a present afterwards?

Women being able to 1) carry a baby to term and 2) deliver said healthy baby and 3) live through it, deserve a freaking present! 150 years ago bitches DIED giving birth…least he could get you something shiny…

Post # 11
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@anonamee23:  Well… I’d definitely keep the new set – you love it. I see why you’re ticked off but I think it’s a good thing how he came around finally.

I mean I see both sides to it… even though it didn’t seem like it, he probably did put some thought into the original e-ring, so it would be a blow to his ego.

As for the finances, yeah they’re combined, but I can see how if it came out of your personal fun money or whatever, you’d be ticked off. And if the original ring wasn’t a diamond, it’s not like you’ll get much money for it anyway (even diamonds have crappy resale value), so it’s not like you’re talking a lot of money right? Does it really matter what it will be spent on? Personally I’d just keep both sets if you’re only getting a few hundred bucks out of it.

I think that once you wear it for a bit, you’ll forget about all of this nonsense. Ultimately he wants you to have a ring that you love.

I want to see photos of these rings now lol. The new set especially sounds lovely.

Post # 13
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  i agree

Also even though its thankfully rarer now some women do *still* die giving birth. I’m a “bleeder” with a family history of heammorage during child birth and i’m still unsure whether I want to have my own kids, I have dangerously high white coat hypertension when I go in for a repeat prescription!. Husband is an orphan though so I want him to have family. He knows full we if i’m going to have to speak to doctors that much I need a seriously good bribe!

Post # 15
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I would keep the new one. I can understand why he would be upset, bitter, whatever about the new one but sometimes we don’t know how much we love something until we actually see it. If he acted annoyed after the notifaction of it being shipped then I doubt he would lie and but on a smile that he loves the new ring when he doesn’t. 

Post # 16
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

Well, what’s done is done.

I would probably apologize and stick with the original ring, long term this will mean the most to both of you, but especially to him, and if you go this route he will even probably almost completely forget about this incident.

However, it also sounds like he will forgive you if you choose the new set. My concern here is a) the symbolism is less and b) he may think he has forgiven you but resentment may flare up intermittently throughout your relationship, generally only seen when he is upset about something else. He’ll be all huffy about XYZ, and then think (or say) “…AND the ring I chose wasn’t good enough…” (men are secretly just as sensitive creatures, if not even more sensitive, than women.)

I dunno, I’d wear the ring he proposed with, and I’d also get myself another ring for a different finger that’s more my style, but I wouldn’t associate it with the wedding set in any way. That means I’d return this set, and wait a while, then when things have cooled, buy myself a ring I like, just as a “fun ring”, never ever making reference to it having anything to do with my engagement or wedding ring. The relationship comes before fashion, to me.

ETA: I also noticed you called him “a bit of a loser” in response to another bee. It seems to me there may be a larger issue going on.

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