(Closed) There’s no emotional category for NWR! Venting…

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry.  It doesn’t seem very compassionate.  Perhaps if this is the way your family deals with “surprise” babies, they feel it’s a way to save you from the family gossip.

I don’t have any other words.  I’m sorry.  Good luck.

Post # 4
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It sounds like you have accepted your mom’s position on a shower, and while it sucks, she was certainly not obligated to throw you a shower.

With regard to the shower that your family said they would throw for you, there is an old saying that I think applies here:

Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

I don’t think you should hold a grudge or reject any future offers for a shower. You said it yourself: the planning just didn’t work out. They meant well, probably shouldn’t have offered to host when the distance was too great, and got overwhelmed. You said yourself that they did give you some gifts when you visited, so it seems like they tried to make up for it.

Post # 6
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry this happened to you, but I would figure out a way to find peace with it.  It has been in your heart long enough, and it might continue to bother you in the future as other relatives have their showers.  Maybe you can throw a big bday party for your LO and invite out of town relatives.

Post # 7
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow I totally understand why you would be upset!  That’s really unfair of them!  I personally don’t think it really matters at all if you and your now Fiance were married or not~  What does that have to do with having a baby shower…FOR the baby? 


Having said all that..try not to let it bother you as much..it really was not fair but there is nothing they can do to take that back! 


Good Luck:)

Post # 8
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My family didn’t throw a shower for me either when I was pregnant with my daughter almost 13 long years ago. However, my sorority sisters and other friends did get together and throw me a shower and it was really nice to know that I had some type of support group. I can sympathize with you feeling slighted b/c it seems as though your family doesn’t support you, but you are doing alright and you have to find a way to get past it. They have some old-fashioned ideas but they haven’t mistreated your child which shows that they weren’t trying to punish her. I am sure your family will throw you an awesome baby shower for the next baby and you should let them.

Post # 9
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I disagree and don’t think that it would have been “condoning” having children out of wedlock, but I guess you can’t change what other people think.  I am sorry this happened to you, if you were my family I would have thrown you a shower!  However, although I get why your fiance is saying what he is, I wouldn’t refuse future shower offers, or at least not reject it right now.

Post # 10
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Because I live so far away from my family, I never got a Bridal Shower, and we won’t be getting a Baby Shower either.  Both of my brothers and their wives got showers and lots of gifts and generosity, and I’m still a little jealous about it.  So don’t feel bad that you’re upset!  In my case it’s not even anyone’s fault that we didn’t get a shower, and it still stings me a bit when my SIL talks about all the great gifts that she got at her shower…for her THIRD baby…

Not anything I can do about it, but it doesn’t mean I feel ok about it.  It’s natural to feel that way, just try not to focus on it.  I would tell your siblings about how hurt you are that you never got a shower.  That may keep them from sharing all their “spoils” with you so you don’t have to hear about it!

Post # 11
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Nobody threw a shower for me for either of my two girls. I come from a large family, and I think everyone was just waiting for someone else to step up. When it comes to social situations, my family is rather *ahem* lazy. It didn’t help that I was pretty well off at the time. It also didn’t help that I moved to the area from San Diego when I was five months along kind of out of the blue, so I didn’t have my friends here either (some of whom didn’t even know I had moved). With my second daughter, I think everyone just kind of assumed that I had stuff anyway, but I was still kind of like, really? Two of my sisters have had baby showers and that pissed me off.

 So, I get where you’re coming from. For me, it wasn’t about the fact the I wanted stuff, although it would have been nice. I just didn’t feel like my family was interested in sharing the joy of my child with me. My feelings are still hurt about it sometimes, especially when I get invites to other family members showers. I asked my mom about it once, and her response was something like, “you’re so different from everyone else, I don’t think you’d think anything we would do would be good enough for you.” Well, nobody bothered to ask anyway, so…

If someone offers to throw me a shower for the baby I’m pregnant with now, even though I despise showers, I am going to jump all over that. I get your husbands point, but I would probably let it be water under the bridge.

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