(Closed) There’s ONE reason he hasn’t proposed.. And it was 100% my fault :/

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

have you deleted this application? it doesn’t seem healthy for you, as someone slightly paranoid because you’ve been cheated on before, which is maybe sort-of understandable.

but you need to let go. he is not your ex. they are completely separate people. trust your so.

Post # 4
Member
7455 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Whoa, you Lo Jacked your bf?!

 

I think some counseling is in order to help you get past this insecurity; it’s clearly causing you & your man a lot of problems.

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

This just goes to show that COMMUNICATION is the #1 most important thing in a relationship. If you had talked more openly about things – instead of jumping to conculsions and into your car, and if he had communicated his resntment – instead of silently stewing, you guys wouldn’t be in this position. Communicate, communicate, communicate. It isn’t about who is right/who is wrong, it’s about making sure you clearly understand one another.

Post # 7
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Read Beth Moore’s book “So long Insecurity”  It’s in a Christian bookstore and it’s a good book (even though I have yet to finish 1/2 of it.)

But you do need to know that Trust goes both ways and for a guy it’s like a stab in the heart.  However, he should be reassuring you it won’t happen with him!  It’s hard to go past but one day you can and when you do…it’s a wonderful feeling!  Not all men are cheaters.

Post # 9
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I sympathize with you! Before my husband, I was in a relationship where I was constantly cheated on and manipulated. When Darling Husband and I first got together I was constantly worried that he would cheat but it finally got through my thick head what a good guy he was. Congratulations on talking to your SO and laying all the cards out on the table. It’s so great that you’ve done some of that before marriage because it will be so helpful when you finally do get engaged/married.

Post # 10
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

If you are referring to the Google Latitude app, that just gives you an approximate location where they are.  It doesn’t give you exactly, that way you can’t stalk the person.  When Fiance and I put that app on we would be sitting next to each other, but it had us miles apart on the app.

Post # 12
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

You know what?  Don’t be so hard on yourself!  It happens to the best of us.  Eventually you will find your ground and it will get easier.  Just keep going with how confident you feel in the relationship  Smile

 

 

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@VikingPrincess: couldn’t have said it better myself.  hubs and I had both been cheated on in past relationships, so we both had the trust issues. But we talked and talked and talked, and any time either of us had a doubt we would talk some more. Eventually, there was on doubt.  It seems like your bf is doing all he can to understand from a standpoint of never having gone through this, and I applaud him that.  But, my advice – trust him fully (as soon as you get a crazy thought in your mind, occupy yourself immediately, or talk yourself down, whatever you have to do) until/if he ever gives you a reason to not.  Soon enough, it will come naturally.  Now, we never don’t trust each other.  The only time I get worried if he doesn’t answer or call/text me back in a while is if he got hurt at work (he’s a mechanic).

Post # 14
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It’s rough, girl.  I was also cheated on a number of times in my past relationships (yes, that’s plural) so trust doesn’t come easy to me. Fortunately my Fiance has also been cheated on in the past (well, not fortunately, but you know what I mean) so we both know where the other is coming from with respect to trust. 

It’s a work in process and will remain that way for a long, long time for sure.  I’m glad you’re making strides and hope you’ll continue to do so. πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
489 posts
Helper bee

A friend at works has this application so she can watch her hubby driving him, as he commutes almost 2 hours to work everyday. For them it is a safety feature more than anything, should something happen to him, but it also fun for the kids to watch their dad head towards their house.

I don’t think you reacted any other way than a lot of people would have. Being that you have been cheated on in the past, it is understandable that you would react this way. I can almost certainly say I would have responded the same way, just maybe not as far as telling him to pack his things. All you can do is pour your heart out to him, and explain why you reacted the way you did, and how you are doing everything possible to work on the issues you have gone through in the past.

I really hope things work out for you, and I am sure it will.

Post # 16
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think in alot of ways this was a good thing.  In the end, it has opened communication, you both had to self reflect and look at your relationship.  I think in the long run this has   probably saved your relationship.

Fiance and I went through something similar, which did save our relationship.  I had an accident about 20 onths ago that really changed my life, our life.  In not knowing how to handle this, we were drifting apart, without noticing it.  A jolt to our relationship (neither cheated, overheard a conversation and didn’t hear whole thing) made me freak and in talking aired out how we both were feeling.  It has been such a great ting, it’s better than before!!

Good Luck!

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