- 7 years ago
I’ve known why for a couple of weeks now, and having it out in the open seems to have changed our relationship. Both of us have been a lot happier, and we’ve both been putting forth 10x more effort to each other and to US than we have in a very, very long time.
So…. back up 7 months. He is on the road a lot for work so he downloaded a Blackberry app that let me know where his location was from the computer (that way I wasn’t calling him all the time LOL). It was 100% right, 100% of the time. It would even let me know if he “stayed” somewhere, like if he was at a buddies house the little icon would stay over the place for as long as he was there (I mean I could literally see the house on Google maps!). All was fine and dandy… I wasn’t obsessive, it was just something fun to check 🙂
Well, one night I happen to check it and he’s at some random house in a subdivision south of town I’d never been to. 5…10.. minutes later and it still showed him at this house. I called him to ask where he was and he said he was just about to get into town. Hm… Did I think to be rational? Hell no. I am an extremely emotional person whose last relationship involved multiple instances of being cheated on. Those two factors together made for an irrational reaction.
I packed up both dogs in the car and drove to this house he was at. As soon as I was about to drive by the house he called b/c he’d gotten home and I wasn’t there.
A ridiculous, emotion-filled series of phone calls ensued. I told him I wanted his stuff packed. He called my mom and his mom, they both called me. It was awful. Truly awful. He cried, I cried. I couldn’t figure out how this one time it was wrong..I saw it with my own two eyes and it had been 100% accurate every other time! I also couldn’t figure out how he could be silly enough to leave the GPS thing on!
Looking back, I realized I was almost conditioned to behave like that. I knew nothing else than that erratic behavior for 2 years. In my eyes, I was going through the same thing as I had been dealing with for 2 yrs with my ex.
Well, the next day while he was at home we both checked it and it showed him in the middle of a cornfield 3 miles away. I couldn’t have felt like a bigger jackass.
So that’s it. That is the solitary reason he didn’t propose this summer. I had no idea it affected him as much as it did. He just wants to be sure it will never happen again and that I can trust him completely. We have had a couple of phone incidents since then with me snooping and I know I need to knock that off. I’ve actually kept myself from doing it several times in the past month or so 🙂 I have also really been trying hard to gain control over my emotions and to not be a freaking slave to them any longer. I was so afraid for so long that if I ignored my emotions, it was as if they did not exist. Well, that is definitely a destructive way to think sometimes. Some emotions NEED to be ignored for a healthy existence.
We had a long conversation and I told him I feel like I’ve been harboring some resentment towards him because he promised and promised a summertime proposal. He said that was unfair, which it is.. but then again, I never knew there was a reason it hadn’t happened, I just thought it hadn’t.
So all in all, I guess we’re okay 🙂 I am a little down because I don’t expect a proposal any time soon, but I’m really glad we were able to have a sit down conversation and really get down to the nitty gritty. It was great for us!