(Closed) They’re bridesmaids, NOT slaves! (Verrrrry long)

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 47
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am so against Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts as something they can use on the wedding day! If your gift is a clutch that matches my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress that you picked out for YOUR wedding, it’s hardly a “gift” to me it’s more like “gee, thanks for the gift I’m supposed to wear at your wedding and will likely never use again… thanks!”

Each of my BM’s is getting a gift that she will LOVE, and they are different. 1 gets a Canucks bikini 2 gets a gift card for the mall (she’s poor and never gets to treat herself) 3 has said a gift isn’t necesarry she requested I pay for her makeup to be professionally done (HER choice, HER request not mine in the least).

But… AMEN on the post.

Post # 48
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@KT808: Well, yeah, of course you should be able to count on them! But there is a big difference between unsupportive and not being able to spend a bunch of money throwing you parties.

Post # 49
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@UpstateCait: You should write a small book on this, I’d buy it 😛

Post # 50
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

Awesome guidelines that each bride needs to be aware of.

I wish more brides would realize that when they say “it’s my day”, we totally agree…it is your day, not ours. We support your marriage and we give you our lives for one day. We spend tons of money on things we will never use again, no matter how swing it. We work for hours on your wedding day for free, to make sure that you are happy. Anything more comes from the goodness of our hearts. Please be nice to us!

Post # 51
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@pengoala: I just noticed this thread, but I wanted to comment on your question 

Side question: Any advice on what happens when the girls can’t get along with one another?  Mediating brings out a color in me that I don’t like.

This is where I think the Maid/Matron of Honor should be really taking the reins. I don’t think the bride should have to be mediating at all, personally. I know when I was my SIL’s Maid/Matron of Honor, we asked her other 5 BM’s to go through me for questions, comments, and concerns regarding the wedding. Luckily, we all got along fine, but my sister has been a Maid/Matron of Honor twice, and both times had to kill some drama without the bride knowing.

I think it’s unfair to the bride to have to deal with her friends not getting along when they are all adults and should be kind enough to keep her out of it when she is likely already stressed to the max with the wedding. That’s just my opinion, though. 

 

 

Post # 52
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Love it!I wasnt sure how to do the shoes.I will be wearing flats(I dont do highheels at all,and dancing in them forget it).When I decide on which of my colors I want them to wear,they can wear any shoe as long as its in that color.

And I would love it if I could tell the ladies to pick whatever dress they want as long as its in the my color,but my Fiance wants the girls to match with the dresses.They can do their hair,jewelry and makeup however they want, as long as its not outrageous.

Post # 53
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well said!

Post # 54
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee

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@vmec: Agreed!  If it is a mandatory part of the uniform it isn’t really a gift.  And bridal sets, clutches are rarely something that people will re-use or even want in the first place.

 

 

Post # 55
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I LOVE THIS POST!!! I have been a bridesmaid in 7 wedidngs, and I wish all the brides would have had this guide!! (there were really only 2 who turned into bridezillas) I think the only thing I’d add is the day of food that the other bees have already mentioned.

I hope and pray that I can follow these guidelines now that it’s my turn to be the bride.

Post # 56
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I hear what your saying – I have Bridesmaid or Best Man that have not helped – I’m ok with that (I’m a perfectionist with OCD issues anyway LOL) but I have been planning my wedding for almost 2 years and I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man who changes the subject if I go to talk about something, when I ask her how the hunt goes for whatever black full length dress she wants, she avoids the subject and she is not open to our friendship with some people (mostly because we work together-she’s my boss, but doesn’t want anyone to know how close we are) How do I deal with that Bridesmaid or Best Man ….. I don’t need help – I need to know your still wanting to be one of my “girls” and that we have a friendship =( to hide our friendship – this hurts me and somedays makes me very sad

on a side note – I know how it feels to be that Bridesmaid or Best Man who was expected to do everything and pay for every. I don’t talk to any of the girls about the wedding, I always wait to have them bring it up (which is very rare, I’m ok with that-it’s my day, I get it) – no shower is planned, totally fine with that … I am paying for hair, make-up – pedicures, manicures, massages (the day before) etc …..

So what am I doing wrong?????????????????? =( 

Post # 57
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

OP, I agree with everything you said! I didn’t expect my girls to do much other than buy the dress (they picked out their own style in the same color) & the shoes (gave them a color & a general style). I asked a few of them to help with a few things, but overall I don’t think I asked for much.

I asked the 2 who were staying with me, along with my little sister, to help me make the bouquets the day before (all roses; 7 Bridesmaid or Best Man, mine, and minis for the Flower Girl & a toss bouquet).  1 was my Maid/Matron of Honor who has done floral arrangements before & had offered a long time ago to help with any flower related needs.  We had an assembly line going so it didn’t take us very long to do (moh arranged, other Bridesmaid or Best Man & sis wrapped the floral tape & ribbon, & I cut the stems).

I had 1 of my BMs, who has been a long time friend since elementary school & is like a sister to me, if she could help me spraypaint the centerpiece vases so she came over to help 1 night for a couple hours.  She has done various spraypainting projects before with wooden furniture, so I knew she’d enjoy that sort of thing.. we had a really good time!

Post # 58
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

To be honest i live in UK  and we have slightly different views on bridesmaids….

for a start we buy all the wedding attire for them,  dress/jewellery, shoes,  everything they need to look part of MY day.  so there is no unnessasary bad feeling about how much the dresses may cost,  cos thats down to me,.  but i have picked 3-4 designs that they can choose from,  but i pick up the tab.i think thats the way it should be, if i want them to wear a certain dress, one that they will NEVER wear again, why should it cost them?  and if i couldnt afford to do it for them,  then i would ask less girls to be my bridesmaids…If i cant afford 10 bridesmaids dresses….then i will have 5….(not that i WOULD have  had 10 bridesmaids anyway)

Yes it would be nice if they helped with the DIY projects,  but its called DIY  for a reason……its not called GYBTDIFY….(get your bridesmaids to do it for you)  …and personally i think its taking the bridesmaids role a bit far if you expect too much of them. 

what i want from my bridesmaids is to come shopping with me occasionally to get their ideas,  and opinions,  then have a girlie lunch and a few beers maybe…just be WITH me on shopping trips ,  and maybe not ALL of them,  but at least ONE!

i think really,  all i expect from my bridesmaids is help ON THE WEDDING DAY,  and thats really all. to help me with my hair,   hold my flowers when i reach the alter, fluff my dress for the photographs,  hand out cake…..(dont know if its just UK  tradition or not,  but our bridesmaids go around the guests and hand out the wedding cake),  maybe fetch something for me while we are getting ready…..like a glass of wine…..or find my shoes, just the  little things on the day.

i dont want them to WORK……i want them to go away from my wedding as happy as i am,  happy they were chosen to be a part of my day,  not clock watching and praying for home time.  

Post # 59
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@anne B: I totally agree – basically have your back emotionally!! love the idea that the Bridesmaid or Best Man hand out cake =)

Post # 60
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I agree with this list and wish so much that more brides would be like this!  Especially the part about nto expecting BMs to want to discuss/shop around for every detail of your wedding.   Well done CaitMarae!

Post # 61
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I LOVE THIS THREAD!!!

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