(Closed) They’re bridesmaids, NOT slaves! (Verrrrry long)

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 77
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012
Post # 78
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

could not agree with this post more. this should be given to every bride to be. 

Post # 79
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MrsTrigger: “I would guess that your wedding is going to be pretty casual.  For a casual wedding, it makes sense to have cute mismatched dresses, free-flowing hair, or to do all 50 of your favor boxes alone.”

Rude much?  Since when do those things equal a casual wedding?  My wedding is not even close to being casual and my girls are in different dresses and are allowed to wear their hair however they are comfortable.  My “formal” vision can be acheived without cloning everyone and I like that I’ll be allowing them to let THEIR personalities shine through.

Post # 80
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Kudos! Love this list. 🙂 I’m not gonna lie…I didn’t have lunch worked into my wedding schedule. It totally went over my head! I’m fixing that riiiight now. 😉

Post # 81
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@KT808: This is me… My bridesmaids haven’t done a single thing.  No one even offers.  I have been SO, so, so hurt by the way they’ve acted.  I’ve asked for opinions here or there and they act like I’m harrassing them or don’t even respond. It took me MONTHS to get them to go look at dresses, because they were always “busy.”

They only had a shower for me, because the mothers on both sides MADE them do it and paid for it.  They had it at the one BMs house who lives 2 hours away from everyone.  Invitations went out about a week in advance, so no one could come.  I found out later she was telling everyone she had to “really hold back” with the shower, because she didn’t want to upstage my wedding.  One of the bridesmaids, who’s been my “friend” for over 20 years decided at the last minute to ditch the shower to go to a concert with another friend (in the end, she came for an hour and put in an appearance when she found out I was PISSED). 

As for their gifts, I am paying for their hair, makeup and hotel rooms, freshwater pearl jewelry, cashmere wraps and a few other really nice things.  I also paid for one BMs dress after I found out she never ordered it, because she couldn’t afford it (this was after she blew all her money on a vacation, which was planned after dresses were supposed to have been ordered). I’m also providing them with gourmet meals and food the entire wedding weekend.  If that’s not something they “like,” then oh well. I’ve been nothing but nice to all of them and I’ve tried so hard to make this a fun, positive experiece for each of them.  I honestly don’t feel like they deserve gift cards to their favorite stores or anything else.  All they’ve done is walk all over me and treat me like crap. 

Post # 82
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@UpstateCait: AMEN! Ooh, I know some people I’d love to email this to…

Post # 83
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

hi ladies, 

love this post i am rather laid back with my bridesmaidsm it’s still early days in my wedding planning, when i ask my best friend and my fsil to be two of my bridesmaids, i had already budgeted for their dresses there shoes and accessories as with my 4 junior bridesmaids, the two adult bridesmaids have offered to pay for their own dresses and accessories. (which i am very grateful for) i have choosen a dress and they all love it accept my moh, she doesn’t like the idea of wearing a sash, but would like a flower on her waistband instead but on the same dress as the others…. so why not, afterall she will stand out from the others as my moh, they are excited at helping me, i can’t wait get together with them and do some DI, but again when suits all, fortunately for me i would die for my best mate and she would for me we are always together and doing some DIY wedding stuff would give us something to do while we chat and drink cups of tea lol 

all that said about being laid back, i will be a nervous wreak on the day and will really need them then, but as long as they help make sure my make up hasn’t run and i don’t pass out, i will be happy. 

🙂 

Post # 84
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee

@MrsTrigger:

you talk about YOUR vision?      so why should your vision cost your bridesmaids?  

if you want the same formal dresses and professional hair and make up,  then why dont YOU pay? 

Post # 85
Member
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am the first of my friends to get engaged, so I have never been a bridesmaid before. However, I’m going to try to be as thoughtful as possible. I will ask them to wear whatever dress and shoes they want (within the color scheme), and help with as much or as little as they want. I’m sure some of them will want to help me with projects, but I am going to try to not ask anything from them. I hope to set a good precedent so when I’m a bridesmaid, they won’t have crazy expectations.

Post # 87
Member
4335 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@UpstateCait: And I can’t wait to see them! 🙂

Post # 88
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve been thinking this forever.  My Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids are helping with wedding stuff, but I have a sister who is a stay at home mom who offered to do most of the stuff with me so they are not overwhelmed, and I am having my bridesmaides try on different dresses, and we will then decide on a color, and they will pick their own dress in that color.  They have to buy it, so why not let them pick what it is they are buying. I’m one of those people who don’t care as long as they are happy I’m happy.  I’m more worried about what I’m going to wear.  I still haven’t found a dress.  The groomsmen on the other hand are wearing what I say lol! Just had to put that in there. They do have to look good next to my girls.  Although it will be hard cause my girls are beautiful even without makeup lol

Post # 89
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Thanks for that post – absolutely love it!

Post # 90
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Having been a Bridesmaid or Best Man so many times I have lost count I can’t imagine not helping out more than some of you expect. When I read these sob stories about BM’s not helping I think to myself what lousy friends. Just being honest! I was raised to give your all in helping others and that in the grand cosmic scheme of things your generosity and hard work would pay off when it is your turn. Have I been asked to wear some lousy dresses? Heck yeah! I believe someone nominated me your the ugliest bm dress ever award. Did I complain? No! I just confiscated all the pics outside of her family lol. I have spent countless hours stuffing envelopes and making paper flowers. Why? Because that is what friends do. They help each other and bear each others burdens. If I wasn’t willing to really committ myself to helping my friend I would decline. Do I expect everyone to drop everything and go on every little shopping expedition? No! But if someone called me up and said secondchances I really need some imput can you come shopping with me this weekend? You better believe I will be there. I always ask up front what the projected Bridesmaid or Best Man cost will be for the wedding and if it is more than I can afford I simply decline. Yes there are some bridezillas out there but expecting your bm to come help you out some does not make you one in my book. Since when is friendship so superficial and shallow that asking for help makes you a bad friend? I thought the whole point of friendship was to have each others back! I understand if someone tells me no they can’t because they have to work but no they can’t because they are going to a bar? Yes something I read on the bee in the past month. I don’t need a bunch of fair weather friends in my life. I am not being selfish. I have gone over and cleaned my friend’s house and caught her up on three months of laundry because her mom was coming. I give as good as I get. It isn’t unreasonable to expect to get something in return. It is just healthy! I would go to extraordinary measures for any and all of my friends. That to me means friendship. I will put my life temporarily on hold to bail you out of a jam.

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