- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
could not agree with this post more. this should be given to every bride to be.
@MrsTrigger: “I would guess that your wedding is going to be pretty casual. For a casual wedding, it makes sense to have cute mismatched dresses, free-flowing hair, or to do all 50 of your favor boxes alone.”
Rude much? Since when do those things equal a casual wedding? My wedding is not even close to being casual and my girls are in different dresses and are allowed to wear their hair however they are comfortable. My “formal” vision can be acheived without cloning everyone and I like that I’ll be allowing them to let THEIR personalities shine through.
Kudos! Love this list. 🙂 I’m not gonna lie…I didn’t have lunch worked into my wedding schedule. It totally went over my head! I’m fixing that riiiight now. 😉
@KT808: This is me… My bridesmaids haven’t done a single thing. No one even offers. I have been SO, so, so hurt by the way they’ve acted. I’ve asked for opinions here or there and they act like I’m harrassing them or don’t even respond. It took me MONTHS to get them to go look at dresses, because they were always “busy.”
They only had a shower for me, because the mothers on both sides MADE them do it and paid for it. They had it at the one BMs house who lives 2 hours away from everyone. Invitations went out about a week in advance, so no one could come. I found out later she was telling everyone she had to “really hold back” with the shower, because she didn’t want to upstage my wedding. One of the bridesmaids, who’s been my “friend” for over 20 years decided at the last minute to ditch the shower to go to a concert with another friend (in the end, she came for an hour and put in an appearance when she found out I was PISSED).
As for their gifts, I am paying for their hair, makeup and hotel rooms, freshwater pearl jewelry, cashmere wraps and a few other really nice things. I also paid for one BMs dress after I found out she never ordered it, because she couldn’t afford it (this was after she blew all her money on a vacation, which was planned after dresses were supposed to have been ordered). I’m also providing them with gourmet meals and food the entire wedding weekend. If that’s not something they “like,” then oh well. I’ve been nothing but nice to all of them and I’ve tried so hard to make this a fun, positive experiece for each of them. I honestly don’t feel like they deserve gift cards to their favorite stores or anything else. All they’ve done is walk all over me and treat me like crap.
love this post i am rather laid back with my bridesmaidsm it’s still early days in my wedding planning, when i ask my best friend and my fsil to be two of my bridesmaids, i had already budgeted for their dresses there shoes and accessories as with my 4 junior bridesmaids, the two adult bridesmaids have offered to pay for their own dresses and accessories. (which i am very grateful for) i have choosen a dress and they all love it accept my moh, she doesn’t like the idea of wearing a sash, but would like a flower on her waistband instead but on the same dress as the others…. so why not, afterall she will stand out from the others as my moh, they are excited at helping me, i can’t wait get together with them and do some DI, but again when suits all, fortunately for me i would die for my best mate and she would for me we are always together and doing some DIY wedding stuff would give us something to do while we chat and drink cups of tea lol
all that said about being laid back, i will be a nervous wreak on the day and will really need them then, but as long as they help make sure my make up hasn’t run and i don’t pass out, i will be happy.
I am the first of my friends to get engaged, so I have never been a bridesmaid before. However, I’m going to try to be as thoughtful as possible. I will ask them to wear whatever dress and shoes they want (within the color scheme), and help with as much or as little as they want. I’m sure some of them will want to help me with projects, but I am going to try to not ask anything from them. I hope to set a good precedent so when I’m a bridesmaid, they won’t have crazy expectations.
I can’t wait to post pictures of my formal wedding to prove just how gorgeous my ‘maids looked in their different dresses. Honestly, it turned out better than I could have ever imagined. Everyone was comfortable and happy that they were wearing something that they liked. I imagine they wouldn’t have had as good of a time as they did if they were forced to wear the same, unflattering for some, dresses.
I’ve been thinking this forever. My Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids are helping with wedding stuff, but I have a sister who is a stay at home mom who offered to do most of the stuff with me so they are not overwhelmed, and I am having my bridesmaides try on different dresses, and we will then decide on a color, and they will pick their own dress in that color. They have to buy it, so why not let them pick what it is they are buying. I’m one of those people who don’t care as long as they are happy I’m happy. I’m more worried about what I’m going to wear. I still haven’t found a dress. The groomsmen on the other hand are wearing what I say lol! Just had to put that in there. They do have to look good next to my girls. Although it will be hard cause my girls are beautiful even without makeup lol
Thanks for that post – absolutely love it!
Having been a Bridesmaid or Best Man so many times I have lost count I can’t imagine not helping out more than some of you expect. When I read these sob stories about BM’s not helping I think to myself what lousy friends. Just being honest! I was raised to give your all in helping others and that in the grand cosmic scheme of things your generosity and hard work would pay off when it is your turn. Have I been asked to wear some lousy dresses? Heck yeah! I believe someone nominated me your the ugliest bm dress ever award. Did I complain? No! I just confiscated all the pics outside of her family lol. I have spent countless hours stuffing envelopes and making paper flowers. Why? Because that is what friends do. They help each other and bear each others burdens. If I wasn’t willing to really committ myself to helping my friend I would decline. Do I expect everyone to drop everything and go on every little shopping expedition? No! But if someone called me up and said secondchances I really need some imput can you come shopping with me this weekend? You better believe I will be there. I always ask up front what the projected Bridesmaid or Best Man cost will be for the wedding and if it is more than I can afford I simply decline. Yes there are some bridezillas out there but expecting your bm to come help you out some does not make you one in my book. Since when is friendship so superficial and shallow that asking for help makes you a bad friend? I thought the whole point of friendship was to have each others back! I understand if someone tells me no they can’t because they have to work but no they can’t because they are going to a bar? Yes something I read on the bee in the past month. I don’t need a bunch of fair weather friends in my life. I am not being selfish. I have gone over and cleaned my friend’s house and caught her up on three months of laundry because her mom was coming. I give as good as I get. It isn’t unreasonable to expect to get something in return. It is just healthy! I would go to extraordinary measures for any and all of my friends. That to me means friendship. I will put my life temporarily on hold to bail you out of a jam.
@secondchances: You’re a member of a wedding site which leads me to believe that you enjoy these types of things. I’m the same way. I LOVE planning events so when my friends need help, I’m the first one to volunteer (hell, my Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t even engaged yet and I’ve already started planning her wedding, lol). The thing is, not everyone is like us. Not everyone wants to be as involved and they shouldn’t be faulted for it. The bride and groom are the only ones reaping the benefits of the day so the sole responsibility for making sure that everything comes together should fall on them. If the bridesmaids have the time and desire to help out then that’s great but it doesn’t make someone a lousy friend if they don’t want to stuff envelopes or spend their Saturday night making favor boxes. I’m sure my Maid/Matron of Honor would have sucked it up and helped if I asked her to but I know it’s not her thing so I didn’t bother. Besides, I’m very much a “if you want it done right, do it yourself” kinda girl so when it comes to this stuff, I’d prefer to just go at it solo.
As a bride, all I expected from my girls was to buy the dress, show up and look pretty. They each did much more than just those things but they didn’t have to. My expectations were very minimal because I know that they each have their own lives and responsibilities. 2/3 of my bridesmaids are new moms. They don’t have the time or energy to devote to wedding crafts and I would never expect them to. My Maid/Matron of Honor is a full time nurse & student. Her life outside of school and the hospital is pretty hectic and she doesn’t have a ton of down time. I certainly wasn’t going to take away those precious hours where she could actually sit down and watch some tv without any interruptions. My point is, everyone has their own lives and lots of stuff going on so no bride should expect her girls to drop everything just to cater to them. Asking for help does not make someone a bad friend as long as they’re reasonable. It’s those who expect their ‘maids to jump through hoops and be at their every beck and call that need a reality check.
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