(Closed) They’re bridesmaids, NOT slaves! (Verrrrry long)

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 122
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Love this! I must have said the line “No one cares about your wedding as much as you do line” myself.  I realize that for my bridesmaids!

Post # 123
Member
4535 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

hahaha…you rock!! love your guidelines….so many ladies go crazy when they plan weddings!!

I think brides forget that guests will not remember that you had special monogram lavender napkins and that you had a four teared cake, with french vanilla and passionfruit icing!!!

they’ll  say you looked pretty, your venue was nice, your cake tasted good and well they wont notice your monogram napkins because they’ve wiped their dirty mouth on it and scunched it up, and hid it under the plate!!!

I’m with you….my bridal party will just have to rock up to a few fuctions and smile…I don’t expect them to pay for a thing…or even organise a hens night and kitchen tea etc….

I just want them there with me on wedding day….its as simple as that.

 

Post # 124
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Op: Amen!!!! Totally how I feel right now as I am trying to plan my own wedding and be the Maid/Matron of Honor in another.  Im sorry but your wedding is only super important to you and your bridesmaids care but it is still not as important to them and they do a lot to make you happy and spend a lot if money for your ONE day ! I plan on making my girls do as little as possible so they can enjoy life.  Which bringse to another thought…., PLEASE find things other than the wedding to talk about. There is only so much wedding talk that some people can handle!

Post # 125
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

this needs a bump!!! it feels relevant today!

yes, i love all the girls who i’ve been a bridesmaid for but as an unmarried girl with a lot of other commitments i sure felt a bit hurt/resentful for being expected to be a built-in maker of hundreds of paper flowers, invitation folder etc.  nothing is worse than not being engaged, wanting to be in a different place in your life, and being expected to sit without food for hours making someone else’s 30+ kissing balls out of crepe paper. it’s okay if they offer to help, but please don’t just go telling them “oh you can do this for me!” without asking if they can first.

also the bachelorette party – yes please do not make it mandatory to attend if you MUST have your party across the country because you think it will be “fun” especially if you have students, financially struggling people, people with kids or people with very rigid jobs/schedules.  the first time i went to new york was for a bachelorette party for which i had to pay almost a thousand dollars to attend, i was in school, am a single mom of two and my schedule made it such that i was only there for less than 24 hours. this also meant that i had to trade all of my holidays away with my kids’ dad so i didn’t have them christmas or thanksgiving that year – ALL for a 22 hour trip to NY. i tried to respect that this was the bride’s day but it was very hard to plan. i got a major guilt trip from the bride and one of the other BMs for trying not to attend. honestly one of my other friends and the bride are now no longer friends because of all of this drama.

whoa, i didn’t mean for this to turn out to be a vent! sorry!

anyhow, brides please remember that it’s your wedding and sometimes no matter how much your friends love you and WILL sacrifice for you, it will be greatly appreciated if you remember that they may be struggling and to be considerate of that.

Post # 126
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I love my bridesmaids! They have been ultra helpful and sweet. however…I have also been in some weddings myself where no one did anything to help the bride but me or one other willing Bridesmaid or Best Man. Brides, don’t treat your BMs like slaves. BM’s, don’t just show up the day of the wedding. Simple as that. Part of being friends is helping eachother out. Yes, BM’s aren’t slaves by a long shot, but I personally was -honored- to be included in my sister’s wedding…I didn’t mind helping out with setting up, adjusting her train during the ceremony, making sure she had her acessories at the church, etc. Sorry, but that’s part of being a good friend. 

Post # 127
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

@catalinaislandbabe:  i think the things that you are listing are very reasonable! yes, moral support and a helping hand is great – a part of being a good friend. being part of the bridal party is an honor as is being a big part of someone’s life every day!

some of the other common behaviors that the OP mentions, however, do not reflect good friend behavior.

i’ve had experiences with several brides who get really focused on the wedding and lose sight that their friends/relatives may not be able to give as much as they would like them to.  great post! 

Post # 130
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

PP, oh yea for sure. One episode of Bridezillas is enough to send anyone packing…I don’t know how their fiances stay with them!! :O

Post # 131
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think this is a post that should be referred to….often…..I am shocked by some of the expectations people seem to have of their bridal party! Well said – thank you!

Post # 132
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Can I get an amen?! : D

Post # 133
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Think we need a <bump> today

Post # 134
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I love this, but what if you have the complete oppisite intead of having Bridezilla you end up having Bridemaidszilla’s lol which is my case lol, I never asked any of them I just would kindly mention what needed to be done and would say how I had no one to help me with it, and still no one would offer, never got any party but still I never compain (well not to them) so the Bridemaids cannot always blaim us the Brides we are all not bad. and messed up, some try to be our best, and even when we need our friends/bridemaids they aren’t there for us

Post # 135
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I totally agree with this, especially any time someone mentioned feeding your bridesmaids.  In fact, I can say already that I plan on having food (or at least snacks set up throughout the day on hand) for my bridesmaids. At my cousin’s wedding, we had nothing but booze in our stomaches and considering that I was 17 at the time and ever drank before that, it did not make for a good synario.  So learning from experience is always a plus.  It also helps to know whether your bridesmaids are hypoglycemic like two of my bridesmaids are.

Post # 136
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

agreed

 

Post # 137
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

 

I love this! Ive read too many posts on different forums from brides disappointed that their brides-slaves arent up to par, and whining that suprisingly the bridesmaids arent acting like free wedding planners/passing every free moment working on the wedding

If they offer to help – god bless them theyre fantastic, if they don’t – they arent obliged to and they have their own lives to be getting on with

Post # 138
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Miss Bug:  I agree completely, I thought that was rude to say the least. Lets not start assuming the style of other peoples weddings based on common decency to your BM’s. Besides to basically put down all laid back or casual weddings is beyond bad-mannered; its offensive.

Also at @MrsTrigger: please do not state that the only way to have a formal wedding is to have same makeup, dresses, shoes, hairstyle, accessories. I have been to some lovely formal weddings where the BM’s still were able to have some individuality and choose styles or cuts that were more complementary to their form and features.

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