(Closed) They all suck.

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’d just let it go…  I’m really not a big fan of expecting much of the wedding party anyway.  I can’t imagine that anyone should work so hard on a party that I’m throwing.  It was very, very frustrating in the last few weeks to feel like I was shouldering all of the burden… but I knew it was mine to shoulder. 

I did try to thank them as much as possible for any tasks that they did pick up 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Ditto Mrs.DG.  NO one cares as much about your wedding as you do and quite frankly, it’s not their job to plan your wedding.  IMO their only job is to stand next to you on the big day and smile for pics.  Everything else is icing on the cake.  I wouldn’t say anything to them.  Hope your wedding is a blast, I think you’ll be plesantly surprised that all YOUR hard work paid off.

Post # 5
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

Im sorry you are frustrated with your BM’s.  Since everything is done, I agree with Mrs DG and would let it go.   Did you ask for their help with the wedding or expect that they would help?  If you didnt ask they might not have known you needed any help.  I did most of my wedding myself but did have a few girls help with assembling the invitations.

Post # 6
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

ARestivo, I’m so sorry you got no help and are frustrated.

Look at it this way – when you’re in the middle of your beautiful day, and everything is great, people are having fun (including you!), you can take a moment to take it ALL in, and think to yourself, “I did this!!”

Smile

Best of luck to you, can’t wait to hear your recap and see your beautiful pics!

Post # 7
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Well, I would say try to delegate small tasks to each of them individually that you need help with, but since you only have 2 weeks left, it might be ackward assigning or asking for help so late in the game.  Just remember to enjoy your day, that you will be there with your Fiance, and that (despite their lack of effort) everyone there loves you.

Post # 8
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

ditto what SanDiegoAli said.  dont forget you chose these people, you asked a woman that doesnt know a thing about weddings, another woman that works 2 jobs and a 13yr old girl so you need to lower your expectation level

2 weeks to go – focus on that and enjoy your day because you and your hubby on your wedding day is whats important

 

Post # 9
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It’s not worth it to say anything, in my experience.  I got a mouthful from my Maid/Matron of Honor just for expressing that I was a little hurt that she wasn’t coming to my rehearsal (didn’t ask her to change her plans or to do anything…just thought that after 14 years of friendship it would be okay to calmly tell her my feelings were hurt.  Was not worth it!).

If it’s two weeks away and everything is mostly done, just focus on your wedding.  And I can almost guarantee you will be pleasantly surprised by non Bridal Party friends and family who will come through in amazing ways.  I was, and almost every other bride I’ve talked to was also.

Post # 10
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’m sorry that you’re frusterated, but remember why you chose these girls. You obviously didn’t pick them because you thought they’d be a big help, you even said they’re super busy and don’t know much about weddings, so you must have chose them because you’re close to them. I feel like that’s what bridesmaids are for, to be there for you on your big day, not to plan your wedding.

Post # 11
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Have you asked them for help? Sometimes they just can’t help. I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man that lives a town away, A Bridesmaid or Best Man (sis) that doesn’t have a working car, so if I want her help I have to go het her, A Bridesmaid or Best Man that offers to help but is a teacher so she’s always so busy I feel bad asking, and then I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man that is flipping awesome and is there any time I need her, but that’s because she got laid off recently so she has the time to help!

You just have to roll with the punches of life. Don’t forget that your Fiance has two able hands, and don’t put wedding tasks past a 13 year old, a 13 y/o is very smart and very capable of doing any wedding task you throw at her!

Post # 12
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Boy do I understand! If I could have fired my BMs, I would have, Accept your fate, move ahead and have a wonderful wedding!

Post # 13
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Honestly, I didn’t expect my BMs or Maid/Matron of Honor to help out with anything. I just want them by my side on my wedding day and to help me celebrate. I’ve done so many DIY details and I never expected anyone else to help.

If your BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor volunteer their help, it’s always nice, but you can’t expect people to drop everything in their lives to help you stuff favor bags and address invites. I think it would cause a major rift if you make a bring it up at this point.

Post # 14
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 I agree.  Let it go.  It sounds like you knew the situation with your BMs when you asked them to be in the wedding.  I think it’s hard to expect them to be able to help that much.  But I understadn feeling like no one is around helping to build memories and have bonding moments doing all this plannign stuff.  I think you’ll feel better about your Bridesmaid or Best Man choices when the wedding rolls around.

Post # 15
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Definitely let it go.  Everyone has different expectations of what a Bridesmaid or Best Man is and what they are or are not obligated to do.

You are 2 weeks away… home stretch!  

Focus on the good stuff (like being a Mrs.!) and try not to think about your lack of support during the planning phase.

Post # 16
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

1. Did you ask for help? Most bridesmaids won’t see it as their job to help plan your wedding or to assemble your projects (mostly because it isn’t; that’s a service done only out of the goodness of their hearts!), and they definitely won’t if you don’t ask for their help.

2. If you asked for help and they said ‘no,’ I’d try to move on and enjoy the day anyway. Not everyone has the time, the skill, or the desire to plan or prepare for a wedding and no one is as motivated to do so as the bride. Some bridal parties are just not as involved as the fantasy parties we imagine when we ask our closest friends, which can certainly be a let-down… but it sounds like you knew what to expect when you asked these particular people.

Try not to fault them for it too much, and have a wonderful wedding! You’re so close!

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