(Closed) They celebrated her engagement without me… LONG

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

I don’t know, is it possible you might be overreacting just a little? Not everyone thinks to be as inclusive as you obviously like to be. Not everyone will reach out to all of their friends all of the time. It’s possible that they just a bit of a heart to heart and organised a spur of the moment thing, I don’t think that necessarily means that it was a slight against you.

Post # 4
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, yes, I would say you are doing the right thing.


I’ve been in pretty much this exact situation, and I got sick of being the only one to put the effort in, and of how they would make me feel excluded. I am still in the process of trying to “cut them out” of my life.


The birthday thing in your situation is just ridiculous and clearly they are excluding you in this. Don’t bother with them. I’m sure you’ve got other friends, and if not, you’ll make other friends in life. Don’t waste time on these faux ones.


ETA: Just wanted to add, my “friends” were pretty horrible people. I would come back from seeing them and cry from how negative they were and how they made me feel. So that’s why I’m pretty quick to say ditch people who make you feel crap.

Post # 6
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would be pissed.

Post # 7
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

i think you’re overreacting. sometimes things are like that: they come up, they’re not super organized. how do you know she’s lying?

Post # 8
43 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

While I think you might be overreacting a little bit with the catch up I do understand where you’re coming from and I’ve been in a similar situation. I just stopped being the one to make the effort/get in contact and when it became clear that she couldn’t be bothered I let the friendship go. I understand people get busy and there are oversights but if you’re not going to at least try and put in equal effort the relationship becomes a chore not a friendship. 


That whole 21st thing is BS though – not cool on their part! 

Post # 9
2379 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@krayzay87:  friendship is a 2 way street. I think u did tr right thing. I had a friend like that who I constantly reached out to all the time with nothin back etc (long story) but I no longer bothered with trying and I haven’t spoken to her since. I think true friends make effort and include their girls in anything. A text isn’t hard it takes 5 secs. Good on u for realising it and moving on 

Post # 11
2379 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@krayzay87:  yep, I’m fully on your side. If my friends went out even for a coffee to talk about/celebrate a friends engagement and didn’t bother to text me even at the day they decided to go I’d be really upset. Mayve were both exaggerators but I don’t think girlfriends should treat someone like that, is deliberately cruel. I’m sorry hun 🙁 but I think you should start distancing from them and hang with true friends xx

Post # 12
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@krayzay87:  I’d normally say you’re overreacting but it’s definitely clear that this isn’t an isolated incident and it’s been building over time. 


This kind of reminds me of a group of girls I used to know when I was younger. They were a group of four ‘best friends’, three of the girls were super close and the other one was sort of half in-half out of their little clique. It was like sometimes she was part of things and others she just…wasn’t. She never knew where she stood and the other three loved that. The sad bit is that the other girls used to delight in being mean to her and leaving her out of things. They’d plan stuff and keep it secret from her, then talk about how fun it was. Leaving their friend out of stuff was an actual bonding activity for them and it they treated it as one huge inside joke.  I used to get so mad hearing about all the stuff they’d do to her. 


It sounds like you’re sort of half-in half-out of this friendship. I’m not saying that your friends are excluding you for sport but it doesn’t sound like they make any effort to consider your feelings. I wouldn’t bother with them, it sounds like your relationship never really matured past high school. 

ETA: I wouldn’t leave this bad friendship without first giving them a taste of their own medicine. After how they’ve treated you it’s more than what they deserve. I’m sure that the hive would be happy to help you brainstorm revenge ideas. Well, I would anyway.   

Post # 13
987 posts
Busy bee

Oh I hate this, I really do. Sosorry that these girls are treating you so rudely, especially after such a long friendship but this is highschool rubbish. I try and leave these people behind, but I always miss them. It’s a lose lose situation, but better for you to ditch them and find people who put you first like you deserve.

Post # 15
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@krayzay87:  You are totally doing the right thing!! even if the engagment get together was just a last minute thing and they didnt want to make it a big deal or whatever what makes me mad is the birthday scenario. Your friends (long term friends may i add) dont let you celebrate your birthday because theirs is just before yours? they have joint parties especially their 21st!! and you have to settle for a big 25th party? what the hell? sounds like horrible friends to me! ditch them, before you know it you will become so bitter that youll spend all your time hating them and not enough time loving yourself. You can find much better friends xx

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