(Closed) They invited their daughter ( we didn’t) can we…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Where should I invite this guest who invited themself?
    She wasn't invited so she has to sit where there is room. : (116 votes)
    89 %
    Add an extra table, she wasn't invited BUT she is now you GUEST, treat her as such : (14 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6019 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    @Angelz_love:  they didnt feel bad about crossing out the number that was specified on their invite so dont feel bad about seating her where necessary. its only for dinner anyway. They should consider themselves lucky they got away with that because I would have nipped that in the bud immediately! you are kinder than I! My fear would be, having room or not, if I do this for them I have to do it for whoever else may do this and that can get out of control real quick. So my advice is to draw the line at accepting the extra person, dont take it a step further and do anything extra. People are really unbelievable sometimes! I am not looking forward to this part of planning btw….

    Post # 4
    Member
    1736 posts
    Bumble bee

    You shouldn’t care because the recipient of the invitation showed blatant disregard for your set guest list…if I were in your shoes, I would have put my foot down and said that you didn’t have room, but now you’re in a pickle because you said she can go. :-/ You should seat her with her family.

    Post # 5
    Member
    11272 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @Angelz_love:  i can’t believe someone would invite extra people.  i think if she’s an adult she can sit at a table with strangers.  if she feels a bit outcast, perhaps then she will realize this is what happens when she comes to something she’s not actually invited to.  i wouldn’t make a whole new table just because she’s coming.  adding new tables costs money, linens, decor, etc.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I think if you verbally told them she could come, you’re kind of obligated to seat her with her family.  Yes, it was rude of them to add her in, but you should have stood your ground then instead of putting her at a different table now. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    11356 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Sigh. This couple was completely incorrect for inviting an additional guest when you did not invite her. You could have politely called them to inform them of their unfortunate misunderstanding and clearly explained that you just could not accommodate an extra guest.

    However, you, unfortunately, have already told this couple that it is “OK” for them to bring their adult daughter with them to the wedding. Given that, as a gracious host, you really should not attempt to seat her at a table where she will know no one else.  Even if you do, what would stop a couple that crossed out a “2” and instead responded with “3” from taking a chair and place setting from an adjacent table an adding it to their table to accommodate their extra guest? 

    If you don’t put them at the same table, this family likely will do it for you, while inconveniencing other guests in the process. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2107 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I totally agree that she should be seated wherever you can find room for her – don’t stress yourself about making a whole other table for an uninvited guest.  That being said, if they were rude enough to invite her in the first place, be prepared for the possiblity of them moving her to their table regardless of where you have her seated. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Hmmmm…while my first instinct is to say screw it.  The truth is, you let them do it so now you have to accommodate that guest.  If you are having 5 foot rounds you can fit up to 10 guests at each. Not ideal, but I would do it in this one instance as opposed to adding a totally new table or sticking her where she doesn’t belong and may be uncomfortable.  It’s not her fault her parents added her to their invite, she shouldn’t have to pay the price. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I don’t believe you have to invite all the adults in a household at all.  If you wanted to invite her, you would have sent her her own invitation.  As an adult, she would not be listed on her parents’ even though they live together. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    581 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    You should put her where there is room.  If they want her there that badly, then she can sit where there is room.  It blows my mind that someone would do that! Who adds their adult child to an invite!?!

    Post # 13
    Member
    99 posts
    Worker bee

    if shes one of the groomsman’s sister and a couple that you inviteds daughter i don’t see why you didn’t invite her in the first place? obviously you invited the whole family and her brother is a groomsmen so why exclude her.. i don’t get it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    @Princess bee:  I’m not inviting my BM’s siblings, even though some of their parents are getting invites.  Even though I grew up basically living at their houses and am inviting their parents, I never spent time around their siblings.  We’re also not inviting a GM’s sister because we just don’t know her at all, but we are inviting his parents because Fiance is close to them. 

    Just giving an example, it’s not necessarily a faux pas if the OP doesn’t know the girl.

    Post # 15
    Member
    8882 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I think it’s rude that they crossed it out and put 3. She’s lucky you are nice enough to let her come, so she should sit wherever you put her.

    Post # 16
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I am [almost] completely in agreement with those who say put her where there’s room.  However, I worry that you’re technically punishing her by putting her at another table as if she was the culprit here.  Her mother probably did it and she has no idea that she wasn’t invited in the first place.

     

    …I also didn’t think of it but PP’s are right when they say they obviously have no regard for you and probably would try to squeeze her in at their table despite being told the seating arrangements.

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