(Closed) They invited their daughter ( we didn’t) can we…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Where should I invite this guest who invited themself?

    She wasn't invited so she has to sit where there is room.

    Add an extra table, she wasn't invited BUT she is now you GUEST, treat her as such

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It is beyond rude to cross out the 2 and put 3. If they had wanted her included, they should have called first.

    That being said, she is in her 30s, she doesn’t need to sit with mommy and daddy. I would put her with the guys and not worry about it.

    Realistically, dinner is for like what, an hour max? Then people are up and moving. It’s sooooo not worth your time stressing out about it.

    Post # 18
    Member
    4685 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    @PinkPinstripes:  I was just going to add this….she’s in her 30’s for crying out loud!!!!! she is not some young kid who needs to be by her parents.

    Post # 19
    Member
    299 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    The etiquette in a household invite, is that anyone over 18 gets their own invite unless they are a couple.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1218 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I know that’s frustrating, but I think since you agreed that she could be a guest, you have to treat her as equally as all of your other guests. Unless there are issues in a family, I don’t think it is very polite to split them up at different tables. Sorry you are having to deal with that! 🙁

    Post # 21
    Member
    1198 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I thought having ‘we reserved __ seats in your honor’ would prevent this stuff from happening.  I’d be super ticked off if people started adding people regardless.  What a jerk >_>; sit her where she fits.  She’ll just have to deal — she’s lucky you allowed her at all because I wouldn’t.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1096 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think the issue is not that she isn’t sitting with her parents, it’s that she is sitting by herself around no one she knows at a table where the OP insinuates she’ll be uncomfortable.  I think that is why I disagree with the sit her anywhere idea.  The guest shouldn’t be punished due to what her parents did or frankly, because the OP did not nip it in the bud. You agreed to have her and you should at least make sure she is in a seat where she’ll be comfortable.

    Post # 24
    Member
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    There is no rule (etiquette or otherwise) that members of the same household need to be invited to Wedding (or other social function).  The Host gets to make the decision.  And when it comes to Adult Children (ie Maid/Matron of Honor, Brothers, Sisters etc) then it is totally accceptable to invite one or some, and not the others… and those invited would have received their own Invitations.

    The one rule of thumb though is that members of the Bridal Party are entitled to a PLUS ONE even if no other single adults in attendance are.

    As for this specific situation…

    Does sound like the Mom made the change from 2 to 3

    Either on her own, or at the encouragement of the live-in-daughter

    And because this person has no knowledge of the Rules of Etiquette, YES they are most likely to make a fuss if their grown 30 year old daughter (hurts to type this) isn’t seated with them… can so see this happening

    So although you weren’t required to add her (ya did) you do now need to accommodate her (could be at another table)… BUT to make the situation run the smoothest and potentially avoid any fall-out / confrontation… thereby making your OTHER VERY POLITE & CONSIDERATE GUESTS uncomfortable… then Etiquette dictates you should do whatever is necessary to avoid that situation. 

    Lol, so sit the 30 Year Old “Spoiled Brat” of a Daughter with her Parents… have a feeling that they all “deserve” one another.

     

    Post # 25
    Member
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    People are amazing sometimes..

    I’d seat her where you can, but for me, i wouldn’t have let that fly. Nobody will walk on me on my wedding day.

    Post # 26
    Member
    218 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Yep, as others said, they’ll likely rearrange the table to accomodate their needs, if they CROSSED OFF 2 and wrote in 3. (who does that?!)

    Post # 27
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    She is in her 30’s, she can make conversation with strangers for a couple of hours.

    Post # 28
    Member
    4685 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    @Angelz_love:  ok no…. that would not be ok with me either. him changing the number of tables without talking about it?! Im tellin you…you are a nice girl lol Im obviously not since I would have flipped quite a long time ago. Or maybe im a control freak? ohhh….yea….thats right I am 🙁

    Good for you for being able to let it go. Im stubborn and would not have been able to.

    Post # 29
    Member
    773 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I am of the same opinion of stardustintheeyes …glad you could let it go I know I wouldn’t have been able to.

    Post # 30
    Member
    831 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If she is in her 30s I don’t necessarily think she needs to sit with Mom and Dad, regardless of whether she was invited.  My cousin put me and Fiance and my sis at a table with her friends rather than family members at her wedding reception, she figured they would have more in common with us.  If you truly cannot seat her with her parents (while it would be a nice gesture) then you can put her elsewhere.  She can put on her big girl pants and make conversation over dinner.

    Post # 31
    Member
    2153 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Once you decided to not challenge their extra RSVP, you have to start treating her as an invited guest.  If you wouldn’t just stick any other old guest at the rowdy table, then you shouldn’t do it to her.

     

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