(Closed) They invited themselves…kind of?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

That is very rude of her. If I were you I might even think about tell her that they can’t come. But if it’s not an issue to have them at the ceremony, then let them come but don’t extend an invitation to the reception if you truly cannot fit them.

Sorry your Bridesmaid or Best Man is putting you in this tight spot!

Post # 4
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

This is tough and actually happened to a close friend of mine too! I really hope the same parents don’t drop this bomb on me too! (Their daughter is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my friends wedding and in my wedding)

I think it is really rude of them in the first place but honestly if you have space restrictions there is not much you can do. I would just not invite them to the reception and be done with it. They can’t expect to be invited and it was rude of them to invite themselves to the ceremony in the first place. Your not being rude they are!

Post # 5
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I won’t worry about it too much.  It would be rude if you invited them to the ceremony but not the reception (which doesn’t sound like its the case here) but it’s not like ceremonies are closed and there is no additional cost to you if they choose to come watch the ceremony.

Let them come enjoy the ceremony but don’t invite them to the reception.  It’s their choice to make the drive knowing that they weren’t invited to the reception – let them make that choice for themselves and don’t feel pressured to change anything because they do.

Post # 6
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My grandmother did this to me.  “Aunt Bernice is going to come. Just to see you married.  Not to the reception.  Aunt Betty might come too.”  Um no. No they’re not. I told g-ma that her sisters are not invited to the wedding and that we simply do not have room for them.

It’s a crappy spot to be in.  You would feel so rude not inviting them to dinner after if they come, but this is truly their faux-pas, not yours.  I think you should politely tell your bridesmaid that it won’t be possible to accomodate extra guests.

Post # 7
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

If your wedding is in a church you actually don’t have the option to not allow them to come.  Anyone can enter a church whenever they want.  Just FYI.  Now, as far as the reception, you should feel no obligation to invite them.  They made the decision themselves to make such a long trip.. you didn’t ask them to do so!  I would just make it really clear to your bridesmaid that you won’t be guilted into it.  Just say something like “wow, that’s a long trip to make, they must be really excited to see you be a part of the wedding.  I’m just so sorry that our budget and space won’t allow me to add them to the invite list”

Post # 8
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t understand this “anyone can come in and watch you get married.”  I feel like if you can shut the door, you can keep out uninvited guests.  The only time I feel like you can’t control any uninvited “spectators” would be if you were getting married on a beach or a public park where you can’t exactly close it down.

You’re getting married, not your Bridesmaid or Best Man, and I don’t understand why her parents need to see her “walk down the aisle”.  I would definitely NOT invite them to the reception, it’s not your obligation.  I would perhaps suggest to your Bridesmaid or Best Man that they wait for the photos.  Or maybe she can dress up and prance around their living room to some music.  I don’t know, I just think it’s a weird request…

Post # 9
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Anyone can come and watch because a church is a house of God (not to mention a public place).  The couple getting married can not block any one from entering the church.  Either way, as long as you make it clear that they will not be invited to the reception..  I don’t see how it’s an issue for them to come to the ceremony anyway.  You won’t even know they are there.

Post # 10
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I might try to make time to have lunch or dinner with them sometime around the wedding, but I wouldn’t invite them to the reception. Of course that assumes you know them well enough to want to meet up with them. 

Post # 11
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Sometimes parents just want to visit.  I wouldn’t worry too much about it and wouldn’t invite them to the reception.  Perhaps after dinner for dancing maybe if it fits but I wouldn’t worry too much. 

 

Post # 12
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Moose1209 – I hate to tell you, but the thought that anyone can enter into a place of worship and cannot be asked to leave is simply untrue. As a minister, I can tell you that a place of worship of any sort is still private property, the tax exempt status does not effect this and you cannot sign away your rights as a property owner. If you do not want someone in your place of worship, let’s say they’re causing trouble or making a scene, you have the same rights as any business owner in the same situation, you can politely ask them to leave and failing at that, the police can be called to escort them off the property.

That being said, that would probably cause more problems then it’s worth for june42011. As everyone else has said, if you have space restrictions at the ceremony then tell your Bridesmaid or Best Man straight up that there is no room for her parents. If you can spare the room then let them come, but don’t feel obligated to invite them to the reception. It’s your wedding day!

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